It's his son's birthday tomorrow. They will be celebrating it in the province with their relatives. I wonder if he feels awkward being there at the same time knowing that the preparation was done by his older sister and brother-in-law (his son's adoptive parents). Or maybe he is used to it already.
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We are not going to the province since it is too expensive for us to go there for only three short days. It's been about seven years since I've stepped on Iloilo or Bacolod City soil. As usual, we will just light some candles and pray for our dead loved-ones. Then maybe my father can cook some "special food" tomorrow (food that always reminds us of our Lola's cooking). We'll see...
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Remember that former elementary classmate I met at Friendster? I think he just ignored my message and my "application" to be his "friend". That's okay. I cancelled the invite I sent. I don't bother with people who does not want to be bothered. Hah! (But it could have been nice if we got to communicate again.) Oh well. We can't get everything we want.
Friday, October 31, 2003
Thursday, October 30, 2003
Friendster
I created an account there due to insistent public demand in my workplace. It seems like everyone at work is connected to this site. I thought what the heck, it's just another internet friendly thingy, so why not. Unlike some people I am not that addicted. I don't make it a goal to reach 500 friends. I just wanted to keep in touch with friends and acquaintances since the world is an ever-changing place and who knows, I may not see some of my friends in person again. It's always nice to keep in touch.
Then one idle hour, I searched the gallery using the names of some people I remember from school way, way back in my high school and elementary days. I was surprised, a little shocked and excited when the name of my former crush in grade two came out. Imagine, grade two! I last saw him in 1989. Then I browsed his profile. I knew it was him. Let's see if he can still remember me.
Anyways, I also found another long lost friend and I hope he agrees to be "friends" with me.
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Another bout of OPM...
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Waaaah!
I created an account there due to insistent public demand in my workplace. It seems like everyone at work is connected to this site. I thought what the heck, it's just another internet friendly thingy, so why not. Unlike some people I am not that addicted. I don't make it a goal to reach 500 friends. I just wanted to keep in touch with friends and acquaintances since the world is an ever-changing place and who knows, I may not see some of my friends in person again. It's always nice to keep in touch.
Then one idle hour, I searched the gallery using the names of some people I remember from school way, way back in my high school and elementary days. I was surprised, a little shocked and excited when the name of my former crush in grade two came out. Imagine, grade two! I last saw him in 1989. Then I browsed his profile. I knew it was him. Let's see if he can still remember me.
Anyways, I also found another long lost friend and I hope he agrees to be "friends" with me.
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Another bout of OPM...
IKAW LANG ANG MAMAHALIN
Joey Albert (Louie Ocampo/Joey Albert)
Sa bawat pag-ikot ng ating buhay
May oras na tayo'y kailangang maghiwalay
Puso'y lumaban man, walang magagawa
Saan pa, kailan ka muling mahahagkan
Kulang man sa 'tin itong sandali
Alam ko na tayo'y magkikitang muli
Hangga't may umaga pa na haharapin
Ikaw lang ang mamahalin
Puso'y lumaban man walang magagawa
Saan pa, kailan ka muling mahahagkan
Kulang man sa 'tin itong sandali
Alam ko na tayo'y magkikitang muli
Hangga't may umaga pa na haharapin
Ikaw lang ang mamahalin
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Waaaah!
Wednesday, October 29, 2003
Radio's fine. It helps me forget for awhile. I look back and recall those days I had with you. Sometimes I need a friend just to make it through. Another day spent without you. You gave me all the reasons to live. Then you had to go and I just got to let you know. It's hard to love again just to make it through another day spent without you. ~"To Love Again", Sharon Cuneta
Now I'm singing OPM songs. This just means I am getting more pathetic everyday. That and those disturbing dreams I'm having these past few days. I don't know what's wrong with me...
Maybe because Halloween is near. Hahaha!
Now I'm singing OPM songs. This just means I am getting more pathetic everyday. That and those disturbing dreams I'm having these past few days. I don't know what's wrong with me...
Maybe because Halloween is near. Hahaha!
Tuesday, October 28, 2003
Scattered Thoughts
I think one of the worst feelings in the world is being taken for granted. Especially from someone whom you are willing to sacrifice your life for.
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Accepting a person means you also have accepted his/her past. Even if that person's past includes the fact that he/she will not give you 100% of his/her time and attention. But you have to live with that.
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I think I am going to accept a friend's invitation to watch a movie. It's been a long time since we talked. I know he is a bit jealous of this friend but what the heck, that friend is gay. I don't think that friend is a threat. Hahahaha! And I want to have fun even if he's not around...
Oktoberfest?! Heehee!
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I think I'm getting the hang of this change at work... I hope I'll survive 'til the end of this year... I still feel tired whenever I get home after work.
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I miss your love, since you've been gone. I find it hard to go on. The summer skies don't mean a thing. I thought I'd always be strong. I got a feeling inside and it's making my heart cry 'coz I'm missing you... and it's making me blue yeah. I'm missing you. What can I do, I'm thousand miles away from you... ~"Missing You", Meja
I think one of the worst feelings in the world is being taken for granted. Especially from someone whom you are willing to sacrifice your life for.
--------------------
Accepting a person means you also have accepted his/her past. Even if that person's past includes the fact that he/she will not give you 100% of his/her time and attention. But you have to live with that.
--------------------
I think I am going to accept a friend's invitation to watch a movie. It's been a long time since we talked. I know he is a bit jealous of this friend but what the heck, that friend is gay. I don't think that friend is a threat. Hahahaha! And I want to have fun even if he's not around...
Oktoberfest?! Heehee!
--------------------
I think I'm getting the hang of this change at work... I hope I'll survive 'til the end of this year... I still feel tired whenever I get home after work.
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I miss your love, since you've been gone. I find it hard to go on. The summer skies don't mean a thing. I thought I'd always be strong. I got a feeling inside and it's making my heart cry 'coz I'm missing you... and it's making me blue yeah. I'm missing you. What can I do, I'm thousand miles away from you... ~"Missing You", Meja
Monday, October 27, 2003
Changes
Changes are actually inevitable. Sometimes we can change things in our lives but sometimes we cannot. We would have to accept those things we cannot change.
At work for example, I already have a new schedule. This will last until the end of the year. I'll be starting my shift at 9:30PM-6:30AM Manila time. That means I will be under another supervisor (I am definitely going to miss my previous team!). Then I just found out that I will be handling a different type of call! I think I need a refresher course since I forgot some stuff after about 3 months of taking another type of call. I hope I can handle this...
Another change is the fact that I won't be seeing him until the 2nd week of November. I hate the feeling. I really miss him a lot now. It's so depressing...
Changes are actually inevitable. Sometimes we can change things in our lives but sometimes we cannot. We would have to accept those things we cannot change.
At work for example, I already have a new schedule. This will last until the end of the year. I'll be starting my shift at 9:30PM-6:30AM Manila time. That means I will be under another supervisor (I am definitely going to miss my previous team!). Then I just found out that I will be handling a different type of call! I think I need a refresher course since I forgot some stuff after about 3 months of taking another type of call. I hope I can handle this...
Another change is the fact that I won't be seeing him until the 2nd week of November. I hate the feeling. I really miss him a lot now. It's so depressing...
Sunday, October 26, 2003
Got something from a friend through email yesterday. I liked it a lot so I thought of posting it in my blog. It's nice to think that there is someone out there who feels this way...
Just Look Inside
~Anonymous
If you ever wonder about the man in your life... you may want to look inside. Look inside. To see a different side of a man.
Look inside. Realize that he can and does feel for you something different, something special. He wakes up in the morning, and you're the first thing on his mind. If he could call you right then and there, he would. When he sees you, his heart leaps. Not just the first time, not just when you're "alone", but every time. Every time he meets you, it's as if his whole world has been renewed. It doesn't matter if it's raining, or sunny, snowing, pleasant, or dreary. You make the rain tender, the sun warmer, the snow caressing, a dreary day funny, and a pleasant day perfect. Without you, his days would have no meaning. Of course, you say, "But there could be another." He says, "There isn't another. You are the only one..." He brings you flowers. Not so you'll like him more, or so you'll give him a kiss, but because he simply loves to make you happy. To see that smile on your face. Though you never knew it, it took him four months to get the courage to ask you out. Yes, he was nervous, scared. All guys are. While they try to seem tough and insensitive-deep down asking a girl out is the hardest thing in the world. And it's only that hard because of you. You just had to be so perfect, so beautiful that his fear of rejection became overwhelming. And the day you said "sure" was the best day of his life.
Look inside. Sometimes you find something that you weren't looking for. Though he won't admit it, he'd much rather cuddle with you in front of the TV for an evening than go out with the guys (well most of the time). When you hold his hand, when he holds yours, it's the best feeling in the world. And when he sees you hurt or crying, it's ripping his heart in two. Deep down, he's a romantic. He'd love to sing you songs, but he just doesn't have the voice. He'd love to take you on a moonlit walk down the
beach, but he has to settle for a stroll in the park. He wishes he could bring you a dozen roses every day, but his wallet just won't let him. Making you happy is his main goal in life. Some would say that a guy like this is not a man. He is too sensitive, too weak. But I say, for all the reasons on this page, that these things are precisely what make him a man. And your existence alone has already completed his life. You are not aware of it, but he cherishes each and every moment with you as if it could be his last. Because, deep down, he is afraid that you may just decide to leave. And that is his biggest fear. And if you did leave, this man would cry. Each second with you completes him. Whether you're walking together somewhere, cuddling on a chair, skiing the slopes, sharing an ice cream cone. No matter what it is you are doing, it makes him completely happy just to be with you.
Look inside. It is often surprising. The little things are what he cherishes most. When he gets to brush your hair, when you accidentally (or perhaps on purpose) brush fingertips. When you call unexpectedly, just to say hi. He lives for these moments. He would, if given the chance, die for you. This may seem ridiculous, but he would gladly give anything and all for you.
Just look inside. And you may find something worth holding onto. Now, just look around... because this guy is out there. Right now, at this very second, he is thinking of you. You may or may not know who he is. It may be your boyfriend, your best "guy friend", or it could be someone you've never met. All the same, someday all he'll want to do is make you happy.
Look inside. I've loved and been loved. I've hurt and been hurt. This is life. But believe me, true love still exists. All you have to do is look for it. I know I do... each and everyday... and to the girl I have not yet found, simply -- I love you.
Look inside.
*sigh*
Just Look Inside
~Anonymous
If you ever wonder about the man in your life... you may want to look inside. Look inside. To see a different side of a man.
Look inside. Realize that he can and does feel for you something different, something special. He wakes up in the morning, and you're the first thing on his mind. If he could call you right then and there, he would. When he sees you, his heart leaps. Not just the first time, not just when you're "alone", but every time. Every time he meets you, it's as if his whole world has been renewed. It doesn't matter if it's raining, or sunny, snowing, pleasant, or dreary. You make the rain tender, the sun warmer, the snow caressing, a dreary day funny, and a pleasant day perfect. Without you, his days would have no meaning. Of course, you say, "But there could be another." He says, "There isn't another. You are the only one..." He brings you flowers. Not so you'll like him more, or so you'll give him a kiss, but because he simply loves to make you happy. To see that smile on your face. Though you never knew it, it took him four months to get the courage to ask you out. Yes, he was nervous, scared. All guys are. While they try to seem tough and insensitive-deep down asking a girl out is the hardest thing in the world. And it's only that hard because of you. You just had to be so perfect, so beautiful that his fear of rejection became overwhelming. And the day you said "sure" was the best day of his life.
Look inside. Sometimes you find something that you weren't looking for. Though he won't admit it, he'd much rather cuddle with you in front of the TV for an evening than go out with the guys (well most of the time). When you hold his hand, when he holds yours, it's the best feeling in the world. And when he sees you hurt or crying, it's ripping his heart in two. Deep down, he's a romantic. He'd love to sing you songs, but he just doesn't have the voice. He'd love to take you on a moonlit walk down the
beach, but he has to settle for a stroll in the park. He wishes he could bring you a dozen roses every day, but his wallet just won't let him. Making you happy is his main goal in life. Some would say that a guy like this is not a man. He is too sensitive, too weak. But I say, for all the reasons on this page, that these things are precisely what make him a man. And your existence alone has already completed his life. You are not aware of it, but he cherishes each and every moment with you as if it could be his last. Because, deep down, he is afraid that you may just decide to leave. And that is his biggest fear. And if you did leave, this man would cry. Each second with you completes him. Whether you're walking together somewhere, cuddling on a chair, skiing the slopes, sharing an ice cream cone. No matter what it is you are doing, it makes him completely happy just to be with you.
Look inside. It is often surprising. The little things are what he cherishes most. When he gets to brush your hair, when you accidentally (or perhaps on purpose) brush fingertips. When you call unexpectedly, just to say hi. He lives for these moments. He would, if given the chance, die for you. This may seem ridiculous, but he would gladly give anything and all for you.
Just look inside. And you may find something worth holding onto. Now, just look around... because this guy is out there. Right now, at this very second, he is thinking of you. You may or may not know who he is. It may be your boyfriend, your best "guy friend", or it could be someone you've never met. All the same, someday all he'll want to do is make you happy.
Look inside. I've loved and been loved. I've hurt and been hurt. This is life. But believe me, true love still exists. All you have to do is look for it. I know I do... each and everyday... and to the girl I have not yet found, simply -- I love you.
Look inside.
*sigh*
Friday, October 24, 2003
As Usual
Warning: Rants ahead
Earlier today I was contemplating on posting a rare entry in this blog. (I am aware that this blog is full of angst most of the time. Writing is my outlet-- it's how I let go of my feelings.) Rare in the sense that I want to express how I felt happy in the past couple of days. Despite the fact that I am getting tired of work (and it shows on the number of times I arrived late), I am still grateful of the presence of my family who loves me unconditionally. Plus the fact that I have friends out there (although I am not seeing them often) who still cares. And of course a special person who loves me in spite of my imperfections.
However, before I got to work, I realized that again, what I wanted could not happen. He is going to leave for the province and the next time I'll see him would be in November. That's why I was deciding to meet him tomorrow after work. Of course, I have to be home before dark since my parents would be worried. But he has to run an errand tomorrow morning. Then I just realized that another fact of life slapped me in the face: "You can't get everything you want."
I just remembered a line from one of my favorite books which goes something like "If you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you achieve it" (Paulo Coelho's "The Alchemist"). But I don't think this was reason enough to be bitchy. You see, I got irritated with my father before I left home, since I was in a foul mood at that time, I just snapped at him. It was not his fault, I know. That's why I'm so mad at myself I cried on my way to work. I feel so rotten.
Warning: Rants ahead
Earlier today I was contemplating on posting a rare entry in this blog. (I am aware that this blog is full of angst most of the time. Writing is my outlet-- it's how I let go of my feelings.) Rare in the sense that I want to express how I felt happy in the past couple of days. Despite the fact that I am getting tired of work (and it shows on the number of times I arrived late), I am still grateful of the presence of my family who loves me unconditionally. Plus the fact that I have friends out there (although I am not seeing them often) who still cares. And of course a special person who loves me in spite of my imperfections.
However, before I got to work, I realized that again, what I wanted could not happen. He is going to leave for the province and the next time I'll see him would be in November. That's why I was deciding to meet him tomorrow after work. Of course, I have to be home before dark since my parents would be worried. But he has to run an errand tomorrow morning. Then I just realized that another fact of life slapped me in the face: "You can't get everything you want."
I just remembered a line from one of my favorite books which goes something like "If you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you achieve it" (Paulo Coelho's "The Alchemist"). But I don't think this was reason enough to be bitchy. You see, I got irritated with my father before I left home, since I was in a foul mood at that time, I just snapped at him. It was not his fault, I know. That's why I'm so mad at myself I cried on my way to work. I feel so rotten.
Thursday, October 23, 2003
Wednesday, October 22, 2003
Perfect
I barely had 4 hours of sleep... The cab driver "toured" me around Makati that's why I am late for work today (he basically went to one-way streets that went farther from my supposed destination). He's just one of those people taking advantage of others so he'll get more money for himself... But that's okay. I am a happy person.
He was surprised with the cake and the letter. I knew because he just gave me this really tight and warm hug. He told me everything I wrote was true (of course, why would I write a lie?) Then I rested for a while and he cooked for me a very delicious lunch. He said he just made up the recipe but I think he is a pretty good cook and he does not want to brag about it! The cake had no candles coz I don't think all candles would fit there (Hahaha!) but we sang the birthday song like kids having a party for two. There was no fancy ambiance and all that but it was perfect for me.
I barely had 4 hours of sleep... The cab driver "toured" me around Makati that's why I am late for work today (he basically went to one-way streets that went farther from my supposed destination). He's just one of those people taking advantage of others so he'll get more money for himself... But that's okay. I am a happy person.
He was surprised with the cake and the letter. I knew because he just gave me this really tight and warm hug. He told me everything I wrote was true (of course, why would I write a lie?) Then I rested for a while and he cooked for me a very delicious lunch. He said he just made up the recipe but I think he is a pretty good cook and he does not want to brag about it! The cake had no candles coz I don't think all candles would fit there (Hahaha!) but we sang the birthday song like kids having a party for two. There was no fancy ambiance and all that but it was perfect for me.
Tuesday, October 21, 2003
Surprise!
It's his birthday on Thursday but he is going to be celebrating it with his family and relatives. So what I'm going to do is to go to his place tomorrow and surprise him before he leaves for his sister's house. I already have my long letter ready plus a birthday card with our fave song imbedded in it and maybe a cake if I can get one on my way there. Too bad I don't have extra hands to carry balloons. Hehehe! And I just hope I have enough willpower to go to work the next night.
It's his birthday on Thursday but he is going to be celebrating it with his family and relatives. So what I'm going to do is to go to his place tomorrow and surprise him before he leaves for his sister's house. I already have my long letter ready plus a birthday card with our fave song imbedded in it and maybe a cake if I can get one on my way there. Too bad I don't have extra hands to carry balloons. Hehehe! And I just hope I have enough willpower to go to work the next night.
Monday, October 20, 2003
Thursday, October 16, 2003
How I wish it's weekend already.
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Can you believe he is bringing his cousin, who just came from the province, to our late monthsary date? What the fuck was that all about?! Well, maybe he just wants to show him the city, but can it be on another day and time? Can you believe he wants me to bring a friend along for a double date?! No freakin' way! Well, if he wants, they can go together. I'd rather stay at home.
Or...
I'll bring just another guy as my date and he and his cousin can go on their own. Let's see about that.
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Can you believe he is bringing his cousin, who just came from the province, to our late monthsary date? What the fuck was that all about?! Well, maybe he just wants to show him the city, but can it be on another day and time? Can you believe he wants me to bring a friend along for a double date?! No freakin' way! Well, if he wants, they can go together. I'd rather stay at home.
Or...
I'll bring just another guy as my date and he and his cousin can go on their own. Let's see about that.
Whines
"Love begets love", my mother said.
In order to maintain a great relationship, there should be Communication, Courtesy and Compromise.
Sometimes it's hard to be far away from someone you love. Good thing technology brings people closer in the sense that we can communicate through the internet or via mobile phones.
Sometimes I worry when time passes and there is no communication between me and my friends and some special people in my life. I wonder if they have changed through the course of days or weeks or months or years. I also wonder if the person will still be the same once we see each other again.
So, I don't think it is a mortal sin if I want someone to keep in touch with me or to reply to my messages, right? Coz if I don't get a reply I feel ignored and unimportant. Maybe I can try not replying too so that some people would know how it feels...
Sorry, I am such in a sulking mood today. Blame it on the monthly period.
"Love begets love", my mother said.
In order to maintain a great relationship, there should be Communication, Courtesy and Compromise.
Sometimes it's hard to be far away from someone you love. Good thing technology brings people closer in the sense that we can communicate through the internet or via mobile phones.
Sometimes I worry when time passes and there is no communication between me and my friends and some special people in my life. I wonder if they have changed through the course of days or weeks or months or years. I also wonder if the person will still be the same once we see each other again.
So, I don't think it is a mortal sin if I want someone to keep in touch with me or to reply to my messages, right? Coz if I don't get a reply I feel ignored and unimportant. Maybe I can try not replying too so that some people would know how it feels...
Sorry, I am such in a sulking mood today. Blame it on the monthly period.
Tuesday, October 14, 2003
Team Bonding
Got some pics of our Tagaytay trips from a friend. These are not my copies. Might as well try to upload some of them. Anyways, the date should have been 4 October 2004.
At Leslie's where we ate dinner
(L-R standing) Kaye, Doreen, sup Cathy, Monet, Wackow, Arnel
(L-R sitting) Aries, me, Raechelle, Louanne, Jon, Hannah, Koy
We're standing on a bridge, we're waiting in the dark, I thought that you'll be here by now...
Swallowed by darkness, at picnic grove
Amidst the fog, in front of Starbucks
Got some pics of our Tagaytay trips from a friend. These are not my copies. Might as well try to upload some of them. Anyways, the date should have been 4 October 2004.
At Leslie's where we ate dinner
(L-R standing) Kaye, Doreen, sup Cathy, Monet, Wackow, Arnel
(L-R sitting) Aries, me, Raechelle, Louanne, Jon, Hannah, Koy
We're standing on a bridge, we're waiting in the dark, I thought that you'll be here by now...
Swallowed by darkness, at picnic grove
Amidst the fog, in front of Starbucks
Monday, October 13, 2003
Saturday, October 11, 2003
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He is in the province right now so we would have to postpone the "celebration" until he gets here. Then maybe just include his birthday celebration too! It's cheaper that way. Hehehe!
He woke up earlier and saw my message so we talked for a while. Here's a snippet of the conversation:
Me: Happy monthsary, lisse***!
Him: (in a sleepy voice) Happy monthsary!
Me: Seven months huh?
Him: Yeah...
Me: Still going strong?
Him: Yes. Because of you. You are handling this relationship so well it feels like you're the "man" in this relationship.
(That comment made me freak out a bit. I wonder what that means...)
Me: (Laughs) Man, huh? Maybe I am.
Him: (Laughs) Thank you so much for everything...
[CUT!]
Other lines too cheesy to mention. Hahaha!
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***lisse: noun; Elvish (Quenya) for "honey".
Friday, October 10, 2003
We had an intensity 4 earthquake earlier today. That explains why everything was moving while I was on a call about 6AM today. My sis told me the epicenter is in China Sea. Glad there was no damage.
Then I arrived home feeling the silence of the place. No shrieks and cries (except for our next door neighbors who are fighting and shouting at each other so early in the morning. Hehehe!) My bro was in school. My father is on his way to Baguio. It was different.
Then I had a talk with him before he went to the province. He'll be back next week.
This will be one calm and silent weekend. *sigh*
Then I arrived home feeling the silence of the place. No shrieks and cries (except for our next door neighbors who are fighting and shouting at each other so early in the morning. Hehehe!) My bro was in school. My father is on his way to Baguio. It was different.
Then I had a talk with him before he went to the province. He'll be back next week.
This will be one calm and silent weekend. *sigh*
Thursday, October 09, 2003
Empty Nest?
My cousin left today for a 10-month job as a seaman. He stayed in our house for almost half a year now waiting for this day to happen. Now, he just started the journey to make his dreams come true. He will not stay with us this Christmas but I know he is excited in facing the adventures of his career. Lucky him!
Then my uncle's family will be going back to Cebu this December for good. After staying with us for three years, they have saved enough money to start their own life there. I may not be seeing my baby cousin for a long time. Probably the next time I see him, he'll be fully grown already. I'll miss that little brat.
Then it all leaves five of us at home (again). My siblings and my parents. The house will be less noisy, less messy, less fun. Of course we have to go on with our lives especially since my bro is about to graduate and my sis is in college. It seems like the people who will be most affected with the change would be my parents. My father, for example, is the one who truly enjoys the presence of my toddler cousin at home. Maybe because he is already past 60 and he longs for a young spirit near him. Or maybe he is just beginning to be the grandpa type. My mother, who is our family disciplinarian, probably would miss being bossy (she disciplines my cousin) since all of us are adults now and we have our own lives to live. Well, if they want to have a grandchild, they can tell me. It's easy to make a kid but it's difficult to raise one.
Anyways, my father is off to Baguio tomorrow for his college reunion. Too bad we can't go with him due to lack of finances. But I hope he enjoys his time. And I hope he won't forget my strawberries. Yum!
I can't wait for him to get back so I can get the film and I can post the pics from our Tagaytay trip here.
My cousin left today for a 10-month job as a seaman. He stayed in our house for almost half a year now waiting for this day to happen. Now, he just started the journey to make his dreams come true. He will not stay with us this Christmas but I know he is excited in facing the adventures of his career. Lucky him!
Then my uncle's family will be going back to Cebu this December for good. After staying with us for three years, they have saved enough money to start their own life there. I may not be seeing my baby cousin for a long time. Probably the next time I see him, he'll be fully grown already. I'll miss that little brat.
Then it all leaves five of us at home (again). My siblings and my parents. The house will be less noisy, less messy, less fun. Of course we have to go on with our lives especially since my bro is about to graduate and my sis is in college. It seems like the people who will be most affected with the change would be my parents. My father, for example, is the one who truly enjoys the presence of my toddler cousin at home. Maybe because he is already past 60 and he longs for a young spirit near him. Or maybe he is just beginning to be the grandpa type. My mother, who is our family disciplinarian, probably would miss being bossy (she disciplines my cousin) since all of us are adults now and we have our own lives to live. Well, if they want to have a grandchild, they can tell me. It's easy to make a kid but it's difficult to raise one.
Anyways, my father is off to Baguio tomorrow for his college reunion. Too bad we can't go with him due to lack of finances. But I hope he enjoys his time. And I hope he won't forget my strawberries. Yum!
I can't wait for him to get back so I can get the film and I can post the pics from our Tagaytay trip here.
Wednesday, October 08, 2003
I had dreams about ghosts and monsters earlier. It was scary. I wonder what message my subconscious is trying to tell me.
--------------------
Anyways, he is spending time with his son right now before he goes to the province this Friday. Father and son bonding moments since his son already quit school. I hope they start the treatment as soon as possible. One nice thing was that when the kid arrived at his house, his first question was, "Where is Tita?" (referring to me). So I called him and I got to talk to both of them.
Think about this: "There are two eternities that can really break you down. Yesterday and tomorrow. One is gone and the other does not exist. So live today."
--------------------
Anyways, he is spending time with his son right now before he goes to the province this Friday. Father and son bonding moments since his son already quit school. I hope they start the treatment as soon as possible. One nice thing was that when the kid arrived at his house, his first question was, "Where is Tita?" (referring to me). So I called him and I got to talk to both of them.
Think about this: "There are two eternities that can really break you down. Yesterday and tomorrow. One is gone and the other does not exist. So live today."
Tuesday, October 07, 2003
It is a wonderful experience when someone tells you "I love you".
But it is a totally different feeling when he/she tells you "I am in love because of you."
Think about this: "A person who has nothing to hide, hides nothing."
If ever you wondered if you touched my soul yes you do
Since I met you I'm not the same
You bring life to everything I do
Just the way you say hello
With one touch I can't let go
Never thought I'd fall in love with you...
Because of you, my life has changed, thank you for the love and joy you bring
Because of you, I feel no shame, I'll tell the world it's because of you
Sometimes I get lonely and all I gotta do is think of you
You captured something inside of me
You make all of my dreams come true
It's not enough that you love me for me
You reached inside and touched me eternally
I love you best explains how I feel for you...
The magic in your eyes
True love I can't deny
When you hold me I just lose control
I want you to know that I'm never letting go
You mean so much to me I want the world to see,
It's because of you
~Keith Martin, "Because of You"
--------------------
I am actually thinking of ways on how to celebrate our 7th month together (11 October) and his birthday (23 October). I've been into this acoustic bandwagon that is all over the Philippine music industry right now and I just want to watch any live performance of Nyoy Volantes, Paolo Santos or Jimmy Bondoc. I seem to be having a tough time finding the right schedule and the right place for us to watch them. Noel Cabangon is an option too but he usually has shows in Quezon City (too far from his place). I told him if we cannot watch them sing for us, then I'll just sing for him. We can go to a videoke place and then sing our hearts out, right? But I'm sure hearing the sound of a soothing voice accompanied by a guitar is better than reading lyrics on TV.
I miss drinking beer (2 bottles max for me) on a rainy evening while listening to acoustic love songs.
But it is a totally different feeling when he/she tells you "I am in love because of you."
Think about this: "A person who has nothing to hide, hides nothing."
If ever you wondered if you touched my soul yes you do
Since I met you I'm not the same
You bring life to everything I do
Just the way you say hello
With one touch I can't let go
Never thought I'd fall in love with you...
Because of you, my life has changed, thank you for the love and joy you bring
Because of you, I feel no shame, I'll tell the world it's because of you
Sometimes I get lonely and all I gotta do is think of you
You captured something inside of me
You make all of my dreams come true
It's not enough that you love me for me
You reached inside and touched me eternally
I love you best explains how I feel for you...
The magic in your eyes
True love I can't deny
When you hold me I just lose control
I want you to know that I'm never letting go
You mean so much to me I want the world to see,
It's because of you
~Keith Martin, "Because of You"
--------------------
I am actually thinking of ways on how to celebrate our 7th month together (11 October) and his birthday (23 October). I've been into this acoustic bandwagon that is all over the Philippine music industry right now and I just want to watch any live performance of Nyoy Volantes, Paolo Santos or Jimmy Bondoc. I seem to be having a tough time finding the right schedule and the right place for us to watch them. Noel Cabangon is an option too but he usually has shows in Quezon City (too far from his place). I told him if we cannot watch them sing for us, then I'll just sing for him. We can go to a videoke place and then sing our hearts out, right? But I'm sure hearing the sound of a soothing voice accompanied by a guitar is better than reading lyrics on TV.
I miss drinking beer (2 bottles max for me) on a rainy evening while listening to acoustic love songs.
When it comes to love or money, I'm a HOPELESS ROMANTIC
For richer? For poorer? It doesn't matter to you because you're the Hopeless Romantic. Whether your sweetie is an oil baron or a grease monkey, it's all about until death do us part.
Even if you haven't met "the one," you'll judge your soul mate by the love letters, roses, and foot massages — not the size of their bankroll. And even if their wallet is as fat as their sonnet collection, the toughest part of your relationship will be arguing over which charity to choose, who loves whom more, and who's the bigger Schmoopie. And if that diamond ring turns brass, no biggie — your love is totally not-for-profit.
***And I though I want to marry a low-profile billionaire. Heehee!
For richer? For poorer? It doesn't matter to you because you're the Hopeless Romantic. Whether your sweetie is an oil baron or a grease monkey, it's all about until death do us part.
Even if you haven't met "the one," you'll judge your soul mate by the love letters, roses, and foot massages — not the size of their bankroll. And even if their wallet is as fat as their sonnet collection, the toughest part of your relationship will be arguing over which charity to choose, who loves whom more, and who's the bigger Schmoopie. And if that diamond ring turns brass, no biggie — your love is totally not-for-profit.
***And I though I want to marry a low-profile billionaire. Heehee!
Monday, October 06, 2003
I had fun in Tagaytay. Might post some pics once I get them developed. Problem is I dunno how to post them here. Hahaha!
I got to make new friends and got to know more people. ***
I am sick as of the moment but I'm still here at work. I have runny nose and a very sore throat but I hope I can get through this 8-hour shift. I think it was because of the fog and the lack of sleep, plus the fact that I had a funny feeling in my throat last Friday.
I got to visit him and I'm glad we are both okay.
Think about this: "Don't be afraid of life. Life's losses are a small price to pay for the privilege to love and be loved."
--------------------
***NOTE TO SELF: see Basketcase.
I got to make new friends and got to know more people. ***
I am sick as of the moment but I'm still here at work. I have runny nose and a very sore throat but I hope I can get through this 8-hour shift. I think it was because of the fog and the lack of sleep, plus the fact that I had a funny feeling in my throat last Friday.
I got to visit him and I'm glad we are both okay.
Think about this: "Don't be afraid of life. Life's losses are a small price to pay for the privilege to love and be loved."
--------------------
***NOTE TO SELF: see Basketcase.
Friday, October 03, 2003
Last day of the work week. Tomorrow is Tagaytay day. Might be bringing a camera but I'm not sure yet.
I'm feeling okay now. I'm not sure yet if I would be once we meet each other (hopefully) this Sunday from Tagaytay. I just hope we both survive this. I am still worried about him.
--------------------
Now the parking lot is empty
Everyone's gone someplace
I pick you up and in the trunk I've packed
A cooler and a two day suitcase
'Cause there's a place we like to drive
Way out in the country
Five miles out of the city limit we're singin'
And your hand's upon my knee
So we're ok, we're fine
Baby I'm here to stop your crying
Chase all the ghosts from your head
I'm stronger than the monster beneath your bed
Smarter than the tricks played on your heart
We look at them together then we'll take them apart
Adding up the total of a love that's true
Multiply life by the power of two
I know the things that I am afraid of
I'm not afraid to tell
And if we ever leave a legacy
It's that we loved each other well
'Cause I've seen the shadows of so many people
Trying on the treasures of youth
But a road that fancy and fast ends in a fatal crash
And I'm glad we got off to tell you the truth
So we're ok, we're fine
Baby I'm here to stop your crying
Chase all the ghosts from your head
I'm stronger than the monster beneath your bed
Smarter than the tricks played on your heart
Look at them together then we'll take them apart
Adding up the total of a love that's true
Multiply life by the power of two
All the shiny little trinkets of temptation
Something new instead of something old
But all you gotta do is scratch beneath the surface
And it's fool's gold
Fool's gold
Now we're talking about a difficult thing
Your eyes are getting wet
I took us for better and I took us for worse
And don't you ever forget it
Now there's steel bars between me and a promise
Suddenly bend with ease
And the closer I'm bound in love to you
The closer I am to free
So we're ok, we're fine
Baby I'm here to stop your crying
Chase all the ghosts from your head
I'm stronger than the monster beneath your bed
Smarter than the tricks played on your heart
Look at them together then we'll take them apart
Adding up the total of a love that's true
Multiply life by the power of two
~Indigo Girls, "Power of Two"
I'm feeling okay now. I'm not sure yet if I would be once we meet each other (hopefully) this Sunday from Tagaytay. I just hope we both survive this. I am still worried about him.
--------------------
Now the parking lot is empty
Everyone's gone someplace
I pick you up and in the trunk I've packed
A cooler and a two day suitcase
'Cause there's a place we like to drive
Way out in the country
Five miles out of the city limit we're singin'
And your hand's upon my knee
So we're ok, we're fine
Baby I'm here to stop your crying
Chase all the ghosts from your head
I'm stronger than the monster beneath your bed
Smarter than the tricks played on your heart
We look at them together then we'll take them apart
Adding up the total of a love that's true
Multiply life by the power of two
I know the things that I am afraid of
I'm not afraid to tell
And if we ever leave a legacy
It's that we loved each other well
'Cause I've seen the shadows of so many people
Trying on the treasures of youth
But a road that fancy and fast ends in a fatal crash
And I'm glad we got off to tell you the truth
So we're ok, we're fine
Baby I'm here to stop your crying
Chase all the ghosts from your head
I'm stronger than the monster beneath your bed
Smarter than the tricks played on your heart
Look at them together then we'll take them apart
Adding up the total of a love that's true
Multiply life by the power of two
All the shiny little trinkets of temptation
Something new instead of something old
But all you gotta do is scratch beneath the surface
And it's fool's gold
Fool's gold
Now we're talking about a difficult thing
Your eyes are getting wet
I took us for better and I took us for worse
And don't you ever forget it
Now there's steel bars between me and a promise
Suddenly bend with ease
And the closer I'm bound in love to you
The closer I am to free
So we're ok, we're fine
Baby I'm here to stop your crying
Chase all the ghosts from your head
I'm stronger than the monster beneath your bed
Smarter than the tricks played on your heart
Look at them together then we'll take them apart
Adding up the total of a love that's true
Multiply life by the power of two
~Indigo Girls, "Power of Two"
The Sound of One Heart Breaking
Posted by permission of Karen Kunawicz.
Copyright © 1996 by Karen Kunawicz. All Rights Reserved.
I still recall the taste of my tears
Echoing your voice just like the ringing in my ears
I just want something
I just want something I can never have.
--Nine Inch Nails, "Something I Can Never Have"
Habang
Napupunit nang dahan-dahan
Ang iyong papel na puso-
Tahimik na tahimik
Tila walang nangyayari.
--Rayvi Sunico, "Kung Paano Magpaalam"
I'm riding high on a deep depression
I'm only happy when it rains
--Garbage, "I'm Only Happy When It Rains"
--------------------
EVER COME ACROSS this Zen koan that JD Salinger used in one of his books? You know the one that asks what's the sound of one hand clapping. I don't know the answer to that one. But ask me what’s the sound of one heart breaking and I might provide you with some answers.
This piece started out as a journal entry written early last year, it got reworked into a Times column. I’ve added a few things here and there and now it’s here back to back with another piece by Constantine (which I purposely put after this one so you won’t go away depressed). Welcome to the dark side of love.
[Note: This was published in the April 29, 1996 edition of Mirror Weekly. I won’t show Constantine’s article since I don’t have his permission. --PinoyLit]
* * *
What is the sound of a heart breaking?
It is the sound of someone curled up in a tiny ball crying softly in the night, the sound of the first unwanted teardrop touching your skin, it's the sound of a telephone that doesn't ring, the sound of regret pounding inside your brain with every heartbeat, it's the whispers of the toy animals he gave you.
It's the shuffling of feet walking away from you, the sound of your soul shattering into a million pieces at recognizing the word "goodbye," it’s the soundtrack of memories torturing you, it's the sound of feeble hands trying to push back the obstinate hands of time, it's the sound of a cherub's dying breath, the sound of all those years disappearing in the vortex of Cupid's kitchen sink, it's the unrelenting plaintive baby meows of an abandoned kitten outside an ignoring door.
It's the sound of the rain that doesn't ever stop, the sound of all the doors shutting and closing in your face at the same time, of raging, howling storms in the night when there's no one there to hold you, the sound of your voice as it screams back at you, the echo of "I love yous" burning holes in you, the sound your heart makes as it tells you to lie still because nothing you will ever do will matter without love.
The sound of the waves of the polluted beach you went to as it moves from the shore and crashes inside your mind, of the sniffles that make up your pathetic "SOS-to-the-world," the cracking of the brittle black-red petals from the sidewalk vendor roses he gave, the sound of the music he used to make going to your gut.
The sound of things in your room being thrown around and landing on the floor, the caress of kitchen knives on skin, the sound your throat makes as you swallow your saltiest tear.
It's the sound of your own voice calling out to someone who isn't there, of dying birds getting splattered on a city pavement, of terms of endearment used a hundred times a day struggling to crawl into a vacuum of forgetfulness, it's the sound of your own sobs keeping you company, it's the cold, uncaring stillness of the air you share your space with.
Destruction isn't always as noisy as bombs exploding. Sometimes the ultimate catastrophes are as quiet as a feather falling on the floor of a Zen monastery. No one else can really hear your heart breaking except you.
Posted by permission of Karen Kunawicz.
Copyright © 1996 by Karen Kunawicz. All Rights Reserved.
I still recall the taste of my tears
Echoing your voice just like the ringing in my ears
I just want something
I just want something I can never have.
--Nine Inch Nails, "Something I Can Never Have"
Habang
Napupunit nang dahan-dahan
Ang iyong papel na puso-
Tahimik na tahimik
Tila walang nangyayari.
--Rayvi Sunico, "Kung Paano Magpaalam"
I'm riding high on a deep depression
I'm only happy when it rains
--Garbage, "I'm Only Happy When It Rains"
--------------------
EVER COME ACROSS this Zen koan that JD Salinger used in one of his books? You know the one that asks what's the sound of one hand clapping. I don't know the answer to that one. But ask me what’s the sound of one heart breaking and I might provide you with some answers.
This piece started out as a journal entry written early last year, it got reworked into a Times column. I’ve added a few things here and there and now it’s here back to back with another piece by Constantine (which I purposely put after this one so you won’t go away depressed). Welcome to the dark side of love.
[Note: This was published in the April 29, 1996 edition of Mirror Weekly. I won’t show Constantine’s article since I don’t have his permission. --PinoyLit]
* * *
What is the sound of a heart breaking?
It is the sound of someone curled up in a tiny ball crying softly in the night, the sound of the first unwanted teardrop touching your skin, it's the sound of a telephone that doesn't ring, the sound of regret pounding inside your brain with every heartbeat, it's the whispers of the toy animals he gave you.
It's the shuffling of feet walking away from you, the sound of your soul shattering into a million pieces at recognizing the word "goodbye," it’s the soundtrack of memories torturing you, it's the sound of feeble hands trying to push back the obstinate hands of time, it's the sound of a cherub's dying breath, the sound of all those years disappearing in the vortex of Cupid's kitchen sink, it's the unrelenting plaintive baby meows of an abandoned kitten outside an ignoring door.
It's the sound of the rain that doesn't ever stop, the sound of all the doors shutting and closing in your face at the same time, of raging, howling storms in the night when there's no one there to hold you, the sound of your voice as it screams back at you, the echo of "I love yous" burning holes in you, the sound your heart makes as it tells you to lie still because nothing you will ever do will matter without love.
The sound of the waves of the polluted beach you went to as it moves from the shore and crashes inside your mind, of the sniffles that make up your pathetic "SOS-to-the-world," the cracking of the brittle black-red petals from the sidewalk vendor roses he gave, the sound of the music he used to make going to your gut.
The sound of things in your room being thrown around and landing on the floor, the caress of kitchen knives on skin, the sound your throat makes as you swallow your saltiest tear.
It's the sound of your own voice calling out to someone who isn't there, of dying birds getting splattered on a city pavement, of terms of endearment used a hundred times a day struggling to crawl into a vacuum of forgetfulness, it's the sound of your own sobs keeping you company, it's the cold, uncaring stillness of the air you share your space with.
Destruction isn't always as noisy as bombs exploding. Sometimes the ultimate catastrophes are as quiet as a feather falling on the floor of a Zen monastery. No one else can really hear your heart breaking except you.
Thursday, October 02, 2003
We nearly broke up today. But I'm glad we did not. It's good that there are things such as apology and patience.
I thought during one of the lowest points in his life, he would need someone. I guess that someone's not me. Why? We're at the stage some people call the "cool off" stage. But not exactly that since I am not sure what the real meaning of that term is. He told me I'm important in his life but he does not want to involve me in all his problems. So what's the use of this relationship? All I know is I'm giving him all the time and space that he needs. I'm selfish, I know. I demand time from him. But since he's spending more time with his son, I decided to back off. I don't have the right. I understand.
Maybe I need the time too. Maybe I could spend more time with my sister and friends (I just hope they can spend time with me but they're too busy nowadays). Maybe I could start watching movies alone again. Or maybe, just maybe, he'll realize my worth once I'm out of his life.
He can always reach me when he needs me. He can always tell me when he's already found a space for me in his life. I hope when he does, I'm still here waiting for him.
--------------------
Oh and not to mention I just read an email sent to him by his ex-girlfriend telling him she is not over him yet.
I thought during one of the lowest points in his life, he would need someone. I guess that someone's not me. Why? We're at the stage some people call the "cool off" stage. But not exactly that since I am not sure what the real meaning of that term is. He told me I'm important in his life but he does not want to involve me in all his problems. So what's the use of this relationship? All I know is I'm giving him all the time and space that he needs. I'm selfish, I know. I demand time from him. But since he's spending more time with his son, I decided to back off. I don't have the right. I understand.
Maybe I need the time too. Maybe I could spend more time with my sister and friends (I just hope they can spend time with me but they're too busy nowadays). Maybe I could start watching movies alone again. Or maybe, just maybe, he'll realize my worth once I'm out of his life.
He can always reach me when he needs me. He can always tell me when he's already found a space for me in his life. I hope when he does, I'm still here waiting for him.
--------------------
Oh and not to mention I just read an email sent to him by his ex-girlfriend telling him she is not over him yet.
Wednesday, October 01, 2003
Got this quiz from a friend:
Misguided huh? In what ways, I wonder.
Which Annoying Two Towers Character are You?
By Lisa
Misguided huh? In what ways, I wonder.
Which Annoying Two Towers Character are You?
By Lisa
Addendum
The kid was sexually harrassed by the brother of his stepfather. This is one rotten news we received today. The confirmation came from the mother who called from the States. It's so sad she never did anything even though she knew this was happening. The kid's reason was he did not want his mother and stepfather to fight that's why he lied about the bruises on his body.
They are now planning for him to quit school. I think it would be best but I hope they keep an eye on him. I hope they do find a good child psychologist for the kid. It's good that he is not violent and withdrawn.
I do feel sorry for the kid and for him. I feel so helpless.
--------------------
Two more days to go before Tagaytay day. I feel excited since it's been a long time since I went there. I also feel guilty for enjoying myself while he is having major problems in his life. But I will see him this weekend. Even if it means going to Cavite first before going home. (I hope my parents won't read this. Hehehe!)
--------------------
Anyways, I have seen the trailer of "Return of the King". I can't find the exact words to describe it. I'm just excited!
"There can be no triumph without loss... no victory without suffering... no freedom without sacrifice..."
The kid was sexually harrassed by the brother of his stepfather. This is one rotten news we received today. The confirmation came from the mother who called from the States. It's so sad she never did anything even though she knew this was happening. The kid's reason was he did not want his mother and stepfather to fight that's why he lied about the bruises on his body.
They are now planning for him to quit school. I think it would be best but I hope they keep an eye on him. I hope they do find a good child psychologist for the kid. It's good that he is not violent and withdrawn.
I do feel sorry for the kid and for him. I feel so helpless.
--------------------
Two more days to go before Tagaytay day. I feel excited since it's been a long time since I went there. I also feel guilty for enjoying myself while he is having major problems in his life. But I will see him this weekend. Even if it means going to Cavite first before going home. (I hope my parents won't read this. Hehehe!)
--------------------
Anyways, I have seen the trailer of "Return of the King". I can't find the exact words to describe it. I'm just excited!
"There can be no triumph without loss... no victory without suffering... no freedom without sacrifice..."
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