Scattered Thoughts
I think one of the worst feelings in the world is being taken for granted. Especially from someone whom you are willing to sacrifice your life for.
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Accepting a person means you also have accepted his/her past. Even if that person's past includes the fact that he/she will not give you 100% of his/her time and attention. But you have to live with that.
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I think I am going to accept a friend's invitation to watch a movie. It's been a long time since we talked. I know he is a bit jealous of this friend but what the heck, that friend is gay. I don't think that friend is a threat. Hahahaha! And I want to have fun even if he's not around...
Oktoberfest?! Heehee!
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I think I'm getting the hang of this change at work... I hope I'll survive 'til the end of this year... I still feel tired whenever I get home after work.
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I miss your love, since you've been gone. I find it hard to go on. The summer skies don't mean a thing. I thought I'd always be strong. I got a feeling inside and it's making my heart cry 'coz I'm missing you... and it's making me blue yeah. I'm missing you. What can I do, I'm thousand miles away from you... ~"Missing You", Meja
Tuesday, October 28, 2003
Monday, October 27, 2003
Changes
Changes are actually inevitable. Sometimes we can change things in our lives but sometimes we cannot. We would have to accept those things we cannot change.
At work for example, I already have a new schedule. This will last until the end of the year. I'll be starting my shift at 9:30PM-6:30AM Manila time. That means I will be under another supervisor (I am definitely going to miss my previous team!). Then I just found out that I will be handling a different type of call! I think I need a refresher course since I forgot some stuff after about 3 months of taking another type of call. I hope I can handle this...
Another change is the fact that I won't be seeing him until the 2nd week of November. I hate the feeling. I really miss him a lot now. It's so depressing...
Changes are actually inevitable. Sometimes we can change things in our lives but sometimes we cannot. We would have to accept those things we cannot change.
At work for example, I already have a new schedule. This will last until the end of the year. I'll be starting my shift at 9:30PM-6:30AM Manila time. That means I will be under another supervisor (I am definitely going to miss my previous team!). Then I just found out that I will be handling a different type of call! I think I need a refresher course since I forgot some stuff after about 3 months of taking another type of call. I hope I can handle this...
Another change is the fact that I won't be seeing him until the 2nd week of November. I hate the feeling. I really miss him a lot now. It's so depressing...
Sunday, October 26, 2003
Got something from a friend through email yesterday. I liked it a lot so I thought of posting it in my blog. It's nice to think that there is someone out there who feels this way...
Just Look Inside
~Anonymous
If you ever wonder about the man in your life... you may want to look inside. Look inside. To see a different side of a man.
Look inside. Realize that he can and does feel for you something different, something special. He wakes up in the morning, and you're the first thing on his mind. If he could call you right then and there, he would. When he sees you, his heart leaps. Not just the first time, not just when you're "alone", but every time. Every time he meets you, it's as if his whole world has been renewed. It doesn't matter if it's raining, or sunny, snowing, pleasant, or dreary. You make the rain tender, the sun warmer, the snow caressing, a dreary day funny, and a pleasant day perfect. Without you, his days would have no meaning. Of course, you say, "But there could be another." He says, "There isn't another. You are the only one..." He brings you flowers. Not so you'll like him more, or so you'll give him a kiss, but because he simply loves to make you happy. To see that smile on your face. Though you never knew it, it took him four months to get the courage to ask you out. Yes, he was nervous, scared. All guys are. While they try to seem tough and insensitive-deep down asking a girl out is the hardest thing in the world. And it's only that hard because of you. You just had to be so perfect, so beautiful that his fear of rejection became overwhelming. And the day you said "sure" was the best day of his life.
Look inside. Sometimes you find something that you weren't looking for. Though he won't admit it, he'd much rather cuddle with you in front of the TV for an evening than go out with the guys (well most of the time). When you hold his hand, when he holds yours, it's the best feeling in the world. And when he sees you hurt or crying, it's ripping his heart in two. Deep down, he's a romantic. He'd love to sing you songs, but he just doesn't have the voice. He'd love to take you on a moonlit walk down the
beach, but he has to settle for a stroll in the park. He wishes he could bring you a dozen roses every day, but his wallet just won't let him. Making you happy is his main goal in life. Some would say that a guy like this is not a man. He is too sensitive, too weak. But I say, for all the reasons on this page, that these things are precisely what make him a man. And your existence alone has already completed his life. You are not aware of it, but he cherishes each and every moment with you as if it could be his last. Because, deep down, he is afraid that you may just decide to leave. And that is his biggest fear. And if you did leave, this man would cry. Each second with you completes him. Whether you're walking together somewhere, cuddling on a chair, skiing the slopes, sharing an ice cream cone. No matter what it is you are doing, it makes him completely happy just to be with you.
Look inside. It is often surprising. The little things are what he cherishes most. When he gets to brush your hair, when you accidentally (or perhaps on purpose) brush fingertips. When you call unexpectedly, just to say hi. He lives for these moments. He would, if given the chance, die for you. This may seem ridiculous, but he would gladly give anything and all for you.
Just look inside. And you may find something worth holding onto. Now, just look around... because this guy is out there. Right now, at this very second, he is thinking of you. You may or may not know who he is. It may be your boyfriend, your best "guy friend", or it could be someone you've never met. All the same, someday all he'll want to do is make you happy.
Look inside. I've loved and been loved. I've hurt and been hurt. This is life. But believe me, true love still exists. All you have to do is look for it. I know I do... each and everyday... and to the girl I have not yet found, simply -- I love you.
Look inside.
*sigh*
Just Look Inside
~Anonymous
If you ever wonder about the man in your life... you may want to look inside. Look inside. To see a different side of a man.
Look inside. Realize that he can and does feel for you something different, something special. He wakes up in the morning, and you're the first thing on his mind. If he could call you right then and there, he would. When he sees you, his heart leaps. Not just the first time, not just when you're "alone", but every time. Every time he meets you, it's as if his whole world has been renewed. It doesn't matter if it's raining, or sunny, snowing, pleasant, or dreary. You make the rain tender, the sun warmer, the snow caressing, a dreary day funny, and a pleasant day perfect. Without you, his days would have no meaning. Of course, you say, "But there could be another." He says, "There isn't another. You are the only one..." He brings you flowers. Not so you'll like him more, or so you'll give him a kiss, but because he simply loves to make you happy. To see that smile on your face. Though you never knew it, it took him four months to get the courage to ask you out. Yes, he was nervous, scared. All guys are. While they try to seem tough and insensitive-deep down asking a girl out is the hardest thing in the world. And it's only that hard because of you. You just had to be so perfect, so beautiful that his fear of rejection became overwhelming. And the day you said "sure" was the best day of his life.
Look inside. Sometimes you find something that you weren't looking for. Though he won't admit it, he'd much rather cuddle with you in front of the TV for an evening than go out with the guys (well most of the time). When you hold his hand, when he holds yours, it's the best feeling in the world. And when he sees you hurt or crying, it's ripping his heart in two. Deep down, he's a romantic. He'd love to sing you songs, but he just doesn't have the voice. He'd love to take you on a moonlit walk down the
beach, but he has to settle for a stroll in the park. He wishes he could bring you a dozen roses every day, but his wallet just won't let him. Making you happy is his main goal in life. Some would say that a guy like this is not a man. He is too sensitive, too weak. But I say, for all the reasons on this page, that these things are precisely what make him a man. And your existence alone has already completed his life. You are not aware of it, but he cherishes each and every moment with you as if it could be his last. Because, deep down, he is afraid that you may just decide to leave. And that is his biggest fear. And if you did leave, this man would cry. Each second with you completes him. Whether you're walking together somewhere, cuddling on a chair, skiing the slopes, sharing an ice cream cone. No matter what it is you are doing, it makes him completely happy just to be with you.
Look inside. It is often surprising. The little things are what he cherishes most. When he gets to brush your hair, when you accidentally (or perhaps on purpose) brush fingertips. When you call unexpectedly, just to say hi. He lives for these moments. He would, if given the chance, die for you. This may seem ridiculous, but he would gladly give anything and all for you.
Just look inside. And you may find something worth holding onto. Now, just look around... because this guy is out there. Right now, at this very second, he is thinking of you. You may or may not know who he is. It may be your boyfriend, your best "guy friend", or it could be someone you've never met. All the same, someday all he'll want to do is make you happy.
Look inside. I've loved and been loved. I've hurt and been hurt. This is life. But believe me, true love still exists. All you have to do is look for it. I know I do... each and everyday... and to the girl I have not yet found, simply -- I love you.
Look inside.
*sigh*
Friday, October 24, 2003
As Usual
Warning: Rants ahead
Earlier today I was contemplating on posting a rare entry in this blog. (I am aware that this blog is full of angst most of the time. Writing is my outlet-- it's how I let go of my feelings.) Rare in the sense that I want to express how I felt happy in the past couple of days. Despite the fact that I am getting tired of work (and it shows on the number of times I arrived late), I am still grateful of the presence of my family who loves me unconditionally. Plus the fact that I have friends out there (although I am not seeing them often) who still cares. And of course a special person who loves me in spite of my imperfections.
However, before I got to work, I realized that again, what I wanted could not happen. He is going to leave for the province and the next time I'll see him would be in November. That's why I was deciding to meet him tomorrow after work. Of course, I have to be home before dark since my parents would be worried. But he has to run an errand tomorrow morning. Then I just realized that another fact of life slapped me in the face: "You can't get everything you want."
I just remembered a line from one of my favorite books which goes something like "If you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you achieve it" (Paulo Coelho's "The Alchemist"). But I don't think this was reason enough to be bitchy. You see, I got irritated with my father before I left home, since I was in a foul mood at that time, I just snapped at him. It was not his fault, I know. That's why I'm so mad at myself I cried on my way to work. I feel so rotten.
Warning: Rants ahead
Earlier today I was contemplating on posting a rare entry in this blog. (I am aware that this blog is full of angst most of the time. Writing is my outlet-- it's how I let go of my feelings.) Rare in the sense that I want to express how I felt happy in the past couple of days. Despite the fact that I am getting tired of work (and it shows on the number of times I arrived late), I am still grateful of the presence of my family who loves me unconditionally. Plus the fact that I have friends out there (although I am not seeing them often) who still cares. And of course a special person who loves me in spite of my imperfections.
However, before I got to work, I realized that again, what I wanted could not happen. He is going to leave for the province and the next time I'll see him would be in November. That's why I was deciding to meet him tomorrow after work. Of course, I have to be home before dark since my parents would be worried. But he has to run an errand tomorrow morning. Then I just realized that another fact of life slapped me in the face: "You can't get everything you want."
I just remembered a line from one of my favorite books which goes something like "If you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you achieve it" (Paulo Coelho's "The Alchemist"). But I don't think this was reason enough to be bitchy. You see, I got irritated with my father before I left home, since I was in a foul mood at that time, I just snapped at him. It was not his fault, I know. That's why I'm so mad at myself I cried on my way to work. I feel so rotten.
Thursday, October 23, 2003
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