Insecurity

(n.) : a feeling of apprehensiveness and uncertainty
: lack of assurance or stability





The first time I learned the meaning of this term was when I read my mother's letter to my father. I was 11 years old then and we were living in Bacolod City while my mother worked here in Manila. She described me as "insecure" that's why she told my father to understand my situation more. Being the ugly duckling that I was, the oldest of three and being without a mother during my adolescent years, it is not surprising that I have that insecurity. At that time, my parents wanted me to maintain my academic honors, but since our financial status went way, way low during those years, I entered my semi-rebellious stage and graduated as second honorable mention-- a far-cry from their expectations for me.


At my age right now and with the achievements I had, I should have gotten over that insecurity already. But no. Just last night, I realized I still have that insecurity when it comes to my relationship with other people, especially with him. I told myself I'd be honest and face my fear and what I ended up doing is confronting and accusing a totally honest person. He said I am over-criticizing myself. Yes, I hurt him and I hurt myself in the process. I felt embarrassed and sorry for what I did.


If there is a medication for insecurity, I'd gladly take them.

New Worlds Episode 3

NEW WORLDS EPISODE 3: The 3rd Philippine Science Fiction & Fantasy Convention will be held on May 23 and 24 at the Glorietta Activity Center. This year's host is Star Wars Philippines, in commemoration of the last great movie of the Star Wars saga. The event is presented by the New Worlds Alliance, Mellow Touch 94.7, and the Ayala Center.


The NWA is the first organization of science fiction and fantasy fan groups in the country. Formed in 2003, the NWA is currently composed of Pinoy Harry Potter (PHP); PinoySlayers—The Filipino Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel the Series Fan Club; Pinoy X-Philes (PXP)— The Filipino X-Files Fan Club; Star Wars Philippines (SWP); The Matrix Philippines; The Talon—The Filipino Smallville Fan Club; Pinoy Fremen—The Filipino Dune Fan Club; Alliance for Eclectic Gamers and Interactive Storytellers (AEGIS); The Philippine Tolkien Society (TPTS); and Via Astris Inc. (VA)—The Star Trek Club of the Philippines.


Check out New Worlds.TK. Here you'll see information from the previous convention.


If you go to New Worlds.PH, you'll see the new poster for the upcoming convention. Cool huh? =)


You may find links to go to a specific group and also links for available pics there but if you wanna check out my personal pics from last year's event, which was co-sponsored by The Philippine Tolkien Society, please visit my Imagestation album.

on to step 2

I did it! I passed the first two weeks of training! There are only 16 of us left out of the original 18. It's scary. This is the first training program that I ever got serious on. Next week, I'll be starting a month-long product-specific training and I heard it is even more difficult than the first two weeks. Yaiks! I'll be going back to the night shift. So much for sleeping at night for the past two weeks. I am so looking forward to payday! =)

One down

Yes, one typing certification exam down. I, surprisingly, passed it. Practice really makes perfect. I will be facing an oral and a written exam this Friday. If I pass both, I'll go to the next level-- a month-long product-specific training. That means more info and more exams to face. But that's ok. It would be an opportunity for me to open a savings account for myself. Finally! At least work's going to be quite a challenge now. Really looking forward to passing those two exams. *cross fingers*

lonely road

This is a total turnaround from my previous post. But I guess when the mood kicks in and it's the time of the month, I couldn't help it.


I feel alienated. Lost. Even in my own home. Seems like everyone's going on about their business and I'm left behind. Why? Coz I spend most of my time doing a job I don't want just to earn money? Makes me wanna think twice before sacrificing myself and my interests (again) for others' sake. I feel rebellious. If only I could be a rebel, I wouldn't be writing this stupid entry. I'd be doing it. Damnit.


I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone


I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one and I walk alone


My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone


~"Boulevard of Broken Dreams", Green Day