overjoyed, over you

And though the odds say improbable
What do they know
For in romance
All true love needs is a chance

No, I am not referring to my crush at work. Though I always notice him recently, he did something (actually a lot of small things) that turned me off. So, if it would make a big difference I just want it stated here that he is not my crush anymore. (I'm beginning to relive my high school life. I think I've said that before. Hehe!) :)

Now let's talk about the special man in my life. I am at a stage right now when I feel bored about our relationship. It felt "stagnant". Like we're doing the same things everytime we meet and not to mention we're only seeing each other at the most, once a week. Blame my anti-social schedule at work. But then I always felt like I'm doing the effort in order for this relationship to work out. I mean, it's not as if he's on the other side of the planet, and it's not as if he is busy with work.

Or maybe I am just overreacting. Probably I am just expecting too much (again) from a person who, I know in the first place, is not as malambing and showy and emotional and sensitive (like me!) as I would like him to be.

Over time, I've building my castle of love
Just for two, though you never knew you were my reason
I've gone much too far for you now to say
That I've got to throw my castle away

We are officially together for 15 months on June 11. I've sacrificed a lot, I've risked a lot and I've given much effort, time and love. But I'm feeling the distance now. I feel I deserve to demand more attention... more time. Maybe it won't be us in the future. Maybe someday we will have to take different paths. Maybe someday we'll give up. Maybe I'm meant to be with another man or with no man at all. It's sad to think about it but I don't want to expect.

Over hearts, I have painfully turned every stone
Just to find, I had found what I've searched to discover
I've come much too far for me now to find
The love that I've sought can never be mine

I'm just taking this one day at a time. This is my first relationship ever. I don't have the luxury of time for a trial and error thing. I'm not that young anymore for flings and experiments. I never believed in them anyway. If I could wish for a perfect man in a perfect relationship, I would. But I don't live in fairy tales either. No "happily ever after".

Over dreams, I have picked out a perfect come true
Though you never knew it was of you I've been dreaming
The sandman has come from too far away
For you to say come back some other day

I know I am probably not making sense. I'm just jotting these thoughts down as they come out of my head.

As I'm thinking of the past 15 months we spent together and away from each other, I am just happy that there is technology for us to continue communicating. That's one of the reasons why there is still a "WE". Communication is essential in a relationship. That covers any relationship. I'm glad I can tell him my thoughts. I also think of the good times we had, the things he did to make me happy, the words he said to make me smile, the things he did to show me that I'm special... These may not be in the ways I expect (like flowers, surprise gifts, stroll by the beach under the moonlight...) but he has his own ways. I only wish that he would be more "open" and express his thoughts and feelings more so that I would understand that there really is a heart inside of him that's meant for only me.

And though you don't believe that they do
They do come true
For did my dreams
Come true when I looked at you
And maybe too, if you would believe
You too might be
Overjoyed, over loved, over me

Oh, screw love.