fun in the sun!

It's really hot in here. No, I am not singing. It is. Summer's here. Despite the expectation of the usual work-home routine, I may change that this weekend.


One of my college friends asked us to go to her province since it's fiesta this Sunday. It's in Batangas, so I am hoping that we do more than just eat there. I wanna swim! Just keep swimming... Just keep swimming... =)


Last night, my sister won a contest in a local radio station and she got herself 2 premiere tickets for "Kingdom of Heaven" (starring Orlando Bloom! *faints*)... and a P1000 VCD gift certificate and a 24K compilation CD. Woohoo!

meet Joe Flack

I have always been a fan of C.S.I. Yes, the original one in Las Vegas. Although the new season bought some twists and turns in the storyline, I still love watching it. I have to admit I am a Gil (Grissom)-Catherine shipper! =)


I watched a few episodes of CSI:Miami but never really got to like it. Sure, the stories and cases are still good but I don't like the characters, especially H. I find him arrogant and know-it-all. No offense to all Horatio fans out there.


Lately, I have also been watching CSI:NY. This one is "darker" than the first two, even the interrogation room is dark and dingy as well. Gary Sinise plays as the supervisor. One of the many reasons why I wanted to sacrifice sleep and watch CSI:NY is Det. Joe Flack, played by Eddie Cahill.



Det. Joe Flack

If

Been reading a lot of books lately since I started on the Ops floor. Maybe this will change once I go back to the graveyard shift next week. Although I won't be able to read much anymore while waiting for the next call, I'll have lesser prank calls (hopefully) and additional night differential! And I also hope the new supervisor would be ok. Hmmm...


From what I read earlier, I wished I were Bridget Jones coz I end up being with Mark Darcy. And besides, she lives near the Windsors. Like her, I fancy Prince William too. Hahaha! I got this really lovely poem on pages 305 and 306 of that book. Let me share it with you:


If
by Rudyard Kipling


If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;


If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;


If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";


If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!


Now take a deep breath and ponder... =)

you make me wanna

I've been thinking about you lately... Constantly... You penetrate my thoughts...


Always that nagging persistent presence on my mind....


You... You... You make me wanna LA-LA!!!


Hahaha! I guess the meds I just took has some psychotic side effects. I am quite confused how I contracted a cold despite the daily vitamin C supplement, the weight gain (ugh!), the ultra-hot weather (I wanna go swimming!). Yes, I had a mild fever earlier today. I lost the puppy dog chain Sarah gave me as a going-away present.



I'll be missing you my puppy dog!


I think it fell on the cab on my way to work this morning. Then I have the sniffles since a couple of days ago and oh-so-horrible sneezing and the prank calls as usual. Argh! I'm just glad this day is over.


I'm just glad I'm home now. =)

Closing Cycles

My sister showed me this essay printed on a piece of folded paper earlier today. It made me realize a lot of things and I wanna share this with you. This was written by Paulo Coelho, one of my fave authors.

One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through. Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters – whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished.


Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end? Did you leave your parents’ house? Gone to live abroad? Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden? You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened. You can tell yourself you won’t take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that. But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister, everyone will be finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill. None of us can be in the present and the past at the same time, not even when we try to understand the things that happen to us. What has passed will not return: we cannot for ever be children, late adolescents, sons that feel guilt or rancor towards our parents, lovers who day and night relive an affair with someone who has gone away and has not the least intention of coming back.


Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away. That is why it is so important (however painful it may be!) to destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home. Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts – and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place.


Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them. Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood. Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else.


Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisions that are always put off waiting for the “ideal moment.” Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will never come back. Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person – nothing is irreplaceable, a habit is not a need. This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important.


Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life. Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust.


Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.

my so-called love life

Ha? May boyfriend ka na?


That was the reaction I got when I opened up a bit of my love life to my officemates. When Mama Gene did not make it to the Ops, I felt her absence more when realized I had no one to hang out with anymore. I did not feel comfortable yet being myself with the "new" officemates. Sometimes I couldn't "ride" their sense of humor and I couldn't open serious topics about what's going on with my life.


But last Friday I started crawling out of my shell when we had our first batch "gimmick". Weird that they were surprised when I told them I have someone special. I mean, when I was in college, people were surpised if they learn I had no boyfriend since birth. I haven't even had my first kiss until I was 22! One of my officemates even joked, "Sayang papaligawan pa naman sana kita kay *bleep*". I just laughed it off. If they only knew...


Probably that happened because I've been mostly quiet about that topic since I, too, am confused myself. I have a "relationship" but not really. I have a "boyfriend" but not really. My parents don't even know about it although we have been dating more than two years ago (at least that's what I know. I think Ma has an inkling but she's smart enough to shut up and let me take my time.) Many are asking when I will finally tell my parents about "us", I always answer with I don't know. Probably when we're both ready. "Ready" for me means we both are financially stable. With the rate of how our so-called careers are going, I don't think that's going to be in the near future. I mean, I'm the breadwinner and if you're my parent you wouldn't want a man whisk your daughter, the breadwinner, away into some paradise and leave you alone, right?


We have a weird setup. It's like we're having a long-distance relationship but not really since he's living in a nearby city, just an hour ride away. But our schedules don't usually meet and I'll be lucky if we get to meet each other once a week. He's busy with work and usually he's too tired after that. Same goes with me. If we meet usually it's on a weekend after payday. So, we only go out on the average of twice a month. Patago pa ito ha. I haven't experienced the hatid-sundo from the office. I wonder how it would feel being with someone special everyday. I would have liked that. Yes, we do call each other or text each other but it's different. With this setup, we are also open to dating. It's like an unwritten law between us. But as far as I'm concerned, the only male I dated ever since we got together was my best gay pal. No worries.


After sharing this with my newfound friends, I got a barrage of questions. I think this is the first time I've posted this much info about him in my blog, so here goes:


So, you think he's "the one"?


No. I don't see him as the partner I'm walking the aisle with. That is, if ever I get to that point in my life. Blurred pa yung part na yun so wala pa sa utak ko ang mga plano na yan.


Eh ano ginagawa nyo kung hindi ka pala sure na kayo na nga? Bakit pa kayo magkasama?


Hindi naman kasi ako yung tipo na magbo-boyfriend para pakasalan agad. Kung sya na, sya na pero sa ngayon ayoko pa mag-plano. I'm too young for that at marami pa akong gustong gawin sa buhay. Although don't get me wrong, 'di sya fling lang if we lasted for more than 2 years...


Hindi ba kayo nag-aaway?


Nag-aaway pero nagbabati naman. Ako naman lagi umaaway dun kasi insecure ako. Hehe! Ok sya kasi naintindihan nya yung moods ko at mature sya mag-isip. Tsaka feeling ko kaya kami nagtagal kasi nga bihira lang kami magkita. Masaya pag magkikita kami kasi miss na namin isa't-isa. Pero siguro kung araw-araw kami nagkikita, matagal na kaming hiwalay.


Pero it's just a waste of your time.


No it's not. Coz I'm happy when I'm with him and I'm enjoying those moments. I'm not in this situation by making marriage my goal. It's the journey that makes it worthwhile. Pag hindi kami in the future, eh di hindi. Pero no regrets.


So, pwede kang makipag-date sa iba?


Ok lang. Date lang naman eh. Pero andun lagi yung thought na if I get to know a new guy, I couldn't help but compare. Pano kung wala na akong mahanap na tulad nya? Or pano kung meron pa palang mas "worthy" na mamahalin kesa kanya? Love is a risk.


A lot "more private" questions followed. =)


So, what do I call "us"? Open relationship? Ewan. As long as I'm happy with this setup, I don't think it's a problem. Life's too short to worry about that.

smoky and hazy

From Yahoo! News:

VATICAN CITY - Pope Benedict XVI on Wednesday pledged to work to unify all Christians, reach out to other religions and continue implementing reforms from the Second Vatican Council as he outlined his goals and made clear his pontificate would closely follow the trajectory of his predecessor, Pope John Paul II.

Benedict, the former Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger, listed top priorities of his papacy in a message read in Latin to cardinals gathered in the Sistine Chapel for the first Mass celebrated by the 265th leader of the Roman Catholic Church.

White smoke rose from the Vatican and church bells rang in Rome. We have a new Pope! =)


And as hazy as that smoke is my future in the new company. I've been working there for almost two months now and I learned earlier today that a certain company from the US will be buying our account, therefore affecting our contract with the company. I don't know what will happen to us. The Ops Manager said the expectation was for the new company to retain the agents (since recruiting and training is very expensive) BUT we may be signing a contract 120 days from now. Will the contract have changes? Possibly. What if we don't like the changes? We may leave and look for a job in another company or go to another account within the company. But will the pay be the same? I don't have an answer to that yet. What if we choose to leave, are we going to get a separation pay? How much?


Questions! Questions! My future is blurry in that company. At least, if I look in the bright side, I don't have to worry about the 11-month bond. Hopefully, these questions will be answered by next week when the "big bosses" meet and by that time, hopefully, I'll be able to determine if I have to worry about going through another training again. *sigh*

night beckons ...

Come May, I'll be back to the "graveyard shift". Yes, night shift once again for a day sleeper like me. I felt what it's like to work during the day and although I'm "normal" for about a month, I miss working at night. Don't get me wrong, sleeping at night is more relaxing especially now that it's summertime. I like to watch the sun rise and hear the birds sing in the morning. I also like to see the morning fog. Oh, correction, here in the city it's a morning smog. They say it's more dangerous to travel at night. But there are a few reasons why I like to work in the night shift:

• Night differential. That's more or less additional P800 per payday.


• Less prank callers. Therefore, more valid calls. (Hell, yeah!)


• Time seems to fly by faster at night.


• No traffic.


• Less crowd.


• Bearable heat on my way home.


• I like the thought of not getting ready for work on Monday mornings.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


Conclave in the Vatican has started. I just hope they, the cardinals, choose a worthy one to replace Pope John Paul II.


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

One of our TPTS members wrote an article for Manila Bulletin about the upcoming New Worlds III, read on. Yes, I will file a leave of absence from work so as not to miss that event. :)

realizations

It's payday. Despite the money I just withdrew, I feel bad for having passed through the mall today. I went to the bookstore and wanted to buy some books, especially since they're on sale. I went to the music shop and found several CD's I want, one of them even has a free general admissions ticket for the Rivermaya and Kitchie Nadal concert tomorrow night (the concert I really wanna watch but couldn't). I longingly gazed through the display window of Montage and look at those WETA Gollum and Witch King busts and the Gandalf/Shadowfax mini-statue. I found the perfect jeans and a blouse and a bag to match. My girlie side wanted to finally get that perfume I had in my wish list for a year now. I could have left the mall spending all the money I earned for two weeks, but there is such a thing in life as priorities.


I'm even missing a TPTS overnight movie marathon moot tonight. But I got to hang out with some of my batchmates at work today. I learned that despite being bitchy and tactless, this girl (remember this post?) can also be nice if she wanted to, like what I noticed when we had time to talk today. Then something happened as well that made me answer the question I posed in this entry... As of today, it's still A for me. =)


Self denial is a game so strange
I never really should've wanted 'til there was you
Cause I have learned that love is a word just thrown a little bit too much
Of this excuse to fill this infinite of desire and never ever have to fade
Cause what I don't understand is why I'm feeling so bad now
When I know it was my idea
I could've just denied the truth and lied
Now why am I the only one standing stranded on the same ground
If all else fails would you be there to love me?
When all else fails would you be brave to see right through me?
~"Same Ground", Kitchie Nadal

good news!

Considering all things, I believe we are still blessed. My Ma went to the doctor today to get a second opinion. My parents are still in Bacolod and they'll be back on Sunday. She was informed before that she has ovarian cyst and she needs to undergo an operation. Despite the financial difficulties, I urged her to get a second opinion because she looked thinner lately and I was worried. I borrowed money from a friend so my Ma could complete the check up in the province since the hospital fees are relatively lesser there than here in Manila. After another ultrasound, this time the doctor said there is NO cyst. There are polyps though and she assured her that those are common for women her age and anitbiotics for at least three months can help remove them. Thank God! =)


Now, let the money saving begin.

going solo!

I don't want to be lonely no more
I don't want to have to pay for this
I don't want another lover at my door
It's just another heartache on my list
"Lonely No More"





Those angsty lines sound familiar? The face looks familiar? Yep, he's not lonely even if he went solo! You may see this picture in Yahoo! Launch these past few days since he is the artist of the month. Remember Matchbox 20? I love that band. He's Rob Thomas, the lead singer who also happened to compose most of their songs. He has a new solo album now, "Something to Be". Well, it's about time. =)

dilemma

Multiple choice:

A.
The "boyfriend". The one you love and who loves you back. The catch: he's not your "dream guy". You don't see him as a stable "husband material". You can make him your everything but you may not be everything to him. Read: second priority.


B.
The "dream guy". Perfect for inside and out. Goodlooking, ambitious, gentleman, smart and real cute. The catch: He's not into you romantically.


C.
The "friend". Typical guy-next-door. Not your type but sweet. The type you wanna hang out with and laugh with and have fun with. The catch: It's possible that this guy may be into you romantically but you don't like to entertain the thought... yet.


D.
None of the above


E.
All of the above

quiz time!

You May Be a Bit Borderline ...

Your mood swings make a roller coaster look tame! When you're up, you're a little bit crazy... And when you're down, your whole world is crashing Scary thing is, these moods can change by the minute!

What Personality Disorder Are You?

angels

I sit and wait
does an angel contemplate my fate
and do they know
the places where we go
when we´re grey and old
´cos I´ve been told
that salvation lets their wings unfold
so when I’m lying in my bed
thoughts running through my head
and I feel that love is dead
I’m loving angels instead


and through it all she offers me protection
a lot of love and affection
whether I’m right or wrong
and down the waterfall
wherever it may take me
I know that life wont break me
when I come to call she wont forsake me
I’m loving angels instead


when I’m feeling weak
and my pain walks down a one way street
I look above
and I know ill always be blessed with love
and as the feeling grows
she breathes flesh to my bones
and when love is dead
I’m loving angels instead


and through it all she offers me protection
a lot of love and affection
whether I’m right or wrong
and down the waterfall
wherever it may take me
I know that life wont break me
when I come to call she wont forsake me
I’m loving angels instead
(sung by Robbie Williams)

running through my head

I thought I'll be able to rest this weekend. Aside from the house chores, I kept on thinking a lot of things-- my parents, especialy my Ma, my relatives in the province, especially my grandma who's really weak and ailing (it's been more than a decade since we last saw each other), my job, him, me and my weird dreams. I never thought thinking would be this tiring.

random thoughts

After shift, the terror sup called me and discussed what I did earlier at work. I was on standby mode for 9 minutes and I was not aware of it. She thought I was avoiding calls. I am too new to be avoiding calls huh. I really thought for a moment I'll be terminated. Sheesh! Glad it went well. I just signed a paper and next time I do that, I get a written warning. Nyarks!


Weekend again! Come to think of it, I'll be the head of the family for the next 10 days since my parents are as of the moment, on the plane to Bacolod to attend a wedding. My Ma will also have her check-up there to get a second opinion from her OB-GYNE.


So, here's to freedom and wild parties! Yeehaw! NOT!


Actually, no one will cook for us. I have to learn how to digest the food in the canteen. I'll be doing the laundry, the house cleaning, the ironing and yes, the budgeting for the next week. It's going to be tough since I'm used to just sleeping when I feel tired. *sigh*


I'm still in the office cafe. They're watching the mass celebration for the Pope's burial. I'm listening to the priest and the choir. The choir is great! And of course, the crowd is huge and there are a lot of VIP (and I mean really Very Important People) in the crowd. I told my friend it's a haven for assassins. Hehe! I was surprised when the commentators in Fox News' coverage quoted Cardinal Sin when they mentioned about the Pope's "unconventional" ways as he once visited a synagogue. The Pope was one-of-a-kind since he was open to other religions (like the Jews, the Moslems, etc.) and considering the history of the Catholic Church, it was an extraordinary move. I also admire the way he kept a bond with the youth. I notice a lot of of young people make up the crowd during the funeral. A while ago, Filipino was one of the languages used during the mass. They even sang "The Apostle's Creed" in Tagalog. Cool! It was a beautiful celebration to remember a great man. It makes me think it is possible for one man to touch the lives of many.


Yesterday, my sis and I went to Manila Cathedral in Intramuros to sign the Pope's condolence book. Earlier today, they shipped those books to the Vatican. Buti pa yung sulat ko makakarating sa Vatican. *sigh*

finally, a day job!

Just got off work. I'm sleepy but I don't wanna sleep now lest I wake up again later in the evening and end up having a very light sleep later. Like what happened last night. Since I'm not used to sleeping early in the evening, I ended up sleeping at about 1AM. Since I was scared of waking up late and miss work, it was a very light sleep and I woke up several times until I got out of bed by 4AM. It was weird taking a real "lunch" and looking over Makati in broad daylight! Aside from the prank calls, I think I'll adjust well. I just need to save up for some good books for the down time. =)

The Pope and the prophecies

I woke up and my Ma told me Pope John Paul II died earlier today, about 3AM my time. I was anxious about Vatican's announcement last night. I was so sad. Although I am not a very firm believer of the Catholic Church, I do look up to the Pope as a leader of the Church, the most-loved pope and a very extraordinary man. The Pope is one inspiration that still made me cling to some of my Roman Catholic beliefs even if I'm not a practicing Christian. One CNN correspondent said that Catholics (and even non-Catholics) are orphans today. We just lost a father.


I have always wanted to be one of the Pope's private audience. I wanted to probably have lunch with him and just talk to him. And although I have never been a private audience, I am proud to say that he has been to my country twice in my lifetime. Once was when I was only 5 months old in 1980. He went to my home province, Bacolod City. My parents said we were waiting for him to pass in front of the city hall, so the Pope can bless me. The second time was during the World Youth Day. I never saw him personally but I always pass by the mansion where he stayed in coz I pass by there everyday when I went to school.


Once in a while today, we watch CNN's coverage. It is very interesting to know the traditions and rituals about what the Church does when a pope dies. After reading Dan Brown's "Angels and Demons", some even sounded familiar. They're showing him now lying in state. If only I have the means, I wanted to go there and see him. =(



Pope John Paul II1920 - 2005

There is this "prophecy" about a war starting after the Pope dies. Speaking of prophecies, I also got an email about the nun who foresaw the tsunami saying that there will be an earthquake in the Philippines with Quezon City as the epicenter and a part of Manila going under sea level near Manila Bay. It was scary when I read that and I don't know really if I believe in it. I cannot do anything except live my life one day at a time.


Back to my life, I should be asleep earlier tonight since I'll be waking up about 4 to 4:30 AM. This will really test me since I am not a morning person. I just hope I'll adjust well with the morning schedule.

survival of the "fittest"

Finally, I can breathe now. I passed OJT! But I'm not really celebrating. Out of 18 people in our batch, only 7 were left to go on to Ops floor. I think our batch went through one stressful month and for the record, I think we had the highest "mortality rate" in the history of that account.


My close friend, whom I've been working with since more than 2 years ago, did not make it. The job is probably not for her, but I am still sad. I mean, we're all scattered already in different companies. I know I'm going to meet new friends but I know they will never be replaced.


It's sad. I know everyone goes through this. When our lives meet at a crossroad then forks again to different destinations. I'm just thankful I met friends like them (yes, even those friends way back when I was in school).


Last Wednesday, I was so nervous of our call monitoring. I had doubts if I'll make it. I said a prayer and asked for a sign just to let me know that this job is for me. After call monitoring, I got my first 100 score. I couldn't believe it! I guess this was meant for me.


By Monday, there are going to be some changes in my life. I'll belong in a new team. I'll be "alone" since I'm not with long-time friends anymore. I'll meet new people. I'll learn new call types. The biggest change of all is that I'll be scheduled in the morning for the next two weeks. From 6AM to 3PM. After more than 2 years, this is the first time I'll have a daytime shift. I don't know if I'll like it or I could adjust. I know the pay will be lesser because there's no night differential. But, I'll try to make the most out of it. Yes, I'll try to lead a "normal life" for a change.


...Always pay, pursue, protect
Be a master
Be a slave
Work your ass into an early grave
But you deserve to be loved
You deserve something real
Time to heal
Time to feel...
~"To Be Loved", Curtis Stigers