Shhh...

Let me share with you a secret...

Indecisive

The past few weeks have been difficult for me when it comes to emotional matters. I blame my sensitive nature for that. I have been torn whether I should continue feeling this way or letting go and moving on. Lord knows how hard I tried to convince myself, and even some of my closest friends, to finally make a decision. After weighing the pros and cons, would I be totally honest to myself and to whoever is involved and risk (bad) judgment and misunderstanding?



I don’t want to make a big deal out of it but I can’t deny the fact that the “issue” at hand (or whatever it is that I am trying not to feel) has been on the back of my mind for some time now. The sad thing is it’s been creeping in and out of my subconscious like a nightmare or a fairy tale waiting to happen.



Maybe the changes that will occur in a few days are just some of the signs being thrown my way. Nothing’s in it for me. I have to look in another direction to fill that void. I don’t want to misinterpret actions and assume conclusions. That’s stupid. But then sometimes, when the heart gains control, the brain seems to cease functioning.



Maybe after a few years, I will read this and laugh at myself for feeling this way. Time has that quality of diminishing the so-called importance of some events in life. It really is tough if one’s mind says one thing and the heart says another. If I choose either decision, will I be able to live and have no regrets?

"Drew"

My sister said the lyrics are so high-school! Hahaha! But this is how I feel. It's almost perfect, really. I just have to change the name "Drew". I heard it being played several times before while I get ready for work. That night I came from the wake, I was in the cab going to work again when the song played. I just looked out the window and listened to the lyrics. Yes, I've been loving this song lately. I wonder if "Drew" will ever realize it?


Teardrops on my Guitar
(by Taylor Swift)


Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see
That I want and I'm needing everything that we should be
I'll bet she's beautiful, that girl he talks about
And she's got everything that I have to live without


Drew talks to me, I laugh cause it's just so funny
That I can't even see anyone when he's with me
He says he's so in love, he's finally got it right,
I wonder if he knows he's all I think about at night


He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do


Drew walks by me, can he tell that I can't breathe?
And there he goes, so perfectly,
The kind of flawless I wish I could be
She'd better hold him tight, give him all her love
Look in those beautiful eyes and know she's lucky cause


He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do


So I drive home alone, as I turn out the light
I'll put his picture down and maybe
Get some sleep tonight


He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do
He's the time taken up, but there's never enough
And he's all that I need to fall into..

Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see


I can't help it. I feel like I'm back in high school again. =(