injustice

Just watched "Mystic River". It's one of those Oscar-nominated films that I didn't get to watch in the theater. From most of the movies I've seen lately, it's the one that depicted the real world. Why? Because there was injustice in the story. No good guys beating up the bad guys and no happily ever after. It's just a struggle between man and man, guilt and principles. It was good.

Last night, I was looking forward to this day. Knowing that I won't have work to drag myself to in the evening. But then something happened that ruined my plans. Maybe it was my over-sentimentality. Someone said before that no guy would be in a relationship with me for a long time because of that. Maybe. Maybe not. But then what I have is no ordinary guy. He's a man, also struggling with his own life, trying to make ends meet, and I'm trying to "force" him into placing me in between. That was selfish of me, I know. But I just want him to do something special for me--like sacrifice his daily routine to spend time with me. I tell myself I always get to "sacrifice" my sleeping time or family time or personal time for him. I just wanted him to do the same. It's not his fault he doesn't have a sensitive bone in his body. It's not my fault all my bones are. I kept getting apologies. Not that I don't appreciate them, but I always get them. He's sorry, but he doesn't change. I want him to change, but I can't force him to, so I told myself to accept him for what he is. He told me the reason why he couldn't come. I pitied him. But I know that since he doesn't do something with his life, he'll end up where he is right now. And it's not only him who's suffering the consequences.

He said he gives his best, but his best is not always enough. I hate it when I'm feeling this way. Why am I so hard to please?

Good thing my mother thought I was crying over "Mystic River". That type of life-depicting movie doesn't make me cry. Real life does.