Thursday, April 28, 2016

To The Man Who Will Not Accept My Love

I'm a romantic and that's my downfall.

I easily fall in love with people who find the time to make me feel special. I also easily get hurt in the process.

I have only been truly in love once and I was too young and he did not see me as someone he can be with for a long time. I have always been a victim of unrequited love and it made me a bit bitter and a bit jaded. Years passed and then you came along.

I thought this would be my love story, my fairy tale, my happy ending. I was ready to give the love I have been saving for a long, long time. I wanted to shout to the whole world that I choose you and you choose me. Our start was not as I imagined it to be. You were only able to give a part of your heart to me, but then we still decided to give us a try. It was not just physical. I know we have a connection that I cannot explain and I know I cannot find that with any other man. I wanted it to work. I wanted us to work so badly.

Despite everything I did, you still cannot give me your whole heart. I am just a routine. I am just there when you need me. You cannot give me the honor of calling me your girlfriend. You cannot tell me you love me to my face. I started to wonder why.

Is it you? Are you in love with someone else? Do you think there is still someone out there who can make you happier? Do you see another woman in your future?

Is it me? All my insecurities came flooding in. Maybe I am not a girlfriend material. Maybe I'm too fat or too old. Maybe I am just not that someone you can proudly call "Hunny" or any other pet name in front of your friends. Maybe I am asking for a lot. Maybe I desperately wanted you to be a part of my life and my future.

I have given it some thought. Sometimes, I wonder if I can do it-- if I can just make my feelings stop. I will miss our talks, our laughs, our special moments together. I will miss the electricity I feel when you touch me. I will miss our private jokes and weird connections. I have been alone for so long, maybe I am meant to be alone. Time is not a luxury for me anymore. I cannot wait indefinitely for someone who cannot even commit himself to me and for something that will never happen. I'm sorry if you also get hurt, but I can't do this anymore. Maybe it's about time I learn to love myself again.

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