Monday, September 30, 2002

Parting is such sweet sorrow... *sniff* *sniff*

It seems as if people are leaving me these past few days. After Laurice, now my parents left for the province. They're gonna stay there for two weeks!!! They will attend a wedding and of course, visit relatives. It's been 7 years since we last went home together.

I dunno if I'm gonna feel excited for being parentless for the next two weeks, or be scared since all the responsibilities at home will be placed in my hands. *sigh* I think I'm gonna have fun but I should know my limits, that's all.

By the way, Laurice called last night. I was in the bathroom then, about 12 midnight. She sounded so sad though. I dunno if it was a good idea of telling her about the nuts and bolts meeting in the Fernandez residence, since I know she would love to be there. Or maybe I shouldn't have told her about Joy and Rio asking me last Saturday night to hang out with them. Or about Joan arriving in Manila tomorrow.


Hey, I just read my horoscope. See what it says...


Horoscope (by
A rather serious day is ahead for you, dear dear Cancer. It feels a bit lonely, as all those around you stay in their own corners working away on their own needs in silence and concentration. But what a great feeling you will have tonight after you have solved so many problems and gotten so much done at work. So ultimately this will be a very positive day, and you conclude it feeling very proud of yourself!

***I can see this happening tonight since I have to do the laundry alone and it will take some serious work-out. I had a very tiring day at work and I have to face the dirty laundry after this.

Teenscope (by
Your parents are going out of town and you're tempted to throw a big bash. Before you start handing out flyers, think of the consequences. You might want to rethink your plan.

***OH GOD!!! How did they know this?!


Friday, September 27, 2002

God works in mysterious ways...

Know why I said that? Before a rough yesterday was finished, after my bestfriend left for the United States, somebody called me... a person close to me whom I haven't seen for more than half a year!!!

Madell called. It was such a surprise. It felt as if after I lost one of the few people who know me better than anybody else (referring to Laurice), there she comes... back to my current existence. We talked (actually I talked most of the time) for about five hours straight! I'm filling her up with all the happenings in my life after the hiatus of our friendship. We decided to meet as soon as possible (hopefully tomorrow) and I know we need more than a day to keep up with the stories of what's been going on in our lives for the past six months.

I'm just glad that happened-- during the time, I know, I needed that kind of friend (companionship) the most. I hope Laurice gets to find that kind of person in the States too-- the silver lining on her dark cloud.

I'm just happy that happened.

By the way, I'm getting busy at work now and I have to cope up with the things I gotta do to make my new business run. I know I can do this.


Thursday, September 26, 2002

This is the last entry today. I dunno what's wrong with this day, I have to put this down again in my blog before I go to speak my mind to my friend.

Remember Cris? Yeah, that guy who made me cry last night, made me cry again today. No, he didn't hurt me. Actually, I hurt him. I don't think it was my fault if he fell for me. I just felt guilty since I know I cannot love him as much as he deserves. That guilt brought me to tears. I know I am selfish too coz I believe I'm gonna miss all the sweet things he has done for me. Yes, for the record, he's the first guy to tell me he loves me (whether true or not, I really don't care). But I can feel his sincerity coz I would know if he wasn't sincere, I wouldn't have cried.

We've kept in touch for more than three months already. He wanted a relationship for real but I can't seem to say "Yes". I dunno if I'm afraid to love or I'm not ready for a relationship. Maybe the fact that he wasn't the guy I expected to be or he is 9 years older than me or he is an exact opposite of my personality... I really dunno.

I have to talk with Joy. I feel so sad and crumpled and hollow inside. I was able to write the short story I promised to give him in in 2 hours!!! It was just 5 pages but I dunno what gave me the inspiration to finish it.

Now, I'm confused.

Follow your heart.
This is my third blog for the day!

Whew! What's happening to me? I think there are lots of baggages I have to get off my chest.

First is this business I joined in last month. I'm having trouble keeping on track again. With people rejecting me and putting me down, I feel helpless (and powerless?) again. Not that I need to convince them... but I also expected them to somehow give it a try too. But oh well...

Then there's this call from the courier that the blood samples we were supposed to ship last Monday was delayed due to weather disturbances. Now I have to settle everything from my home, since the earliest I can get back to the clinic is tomorrow. I don't know how many days it was delayed. I have to confirm later... What would happen if the blood was spoiled? I can't imagine the consequences...

Then I have these body aches. Maybe it has something to do with the end of my monthly period or maybe I am just so stressed out.

After that last post, I just wanna update you that my cousin Therese will be coming here later today. Since I'm quite busy, I really, really hope I could be a good entertainer for her. She has an exam on Friday (I got work then too). Then I still have meetings to attend and appointments to meet... Arghhh!
*sigh* My bestfriend, Laurice, left for Chicago today. She's staying there for good. Honestly, this is the first time I woke up early without feeling tired or craving for sleep. I am tired, yes, but I feel empty inside. I am sad. We last saw each other two days ago, after spending a fun night over at her house with my other close friends, Joy and Joan. We drank pomelo gin, ate pizza, watched anime and LOTR, ate junk food. We laughed, hugged and talked and cried. I left her with tears falling from my eyes. It just goes to show how inevitable and unpredictable our future is.

I also got to meet DJ, a long-time textmate. He was asking if he could court me. I dunno the answer to that right now. Since I think my mind is kinda confused. Aside from the fact that I'm busy... and there's this other issue with Cris... It's kinda complicated right now. I could just sum it up in a question form...

It's sad when you love someone who can't love you back. But it's sadder when someone loves you but you cannot seem to reciprocate that love.

Why? Pride? Guilt? I really dunno.

I have to sort out my life right now. Glad I have a job and a business to keep me busy. I'm missing my friend right now that's why I have to pour out my emotions first. My tears flowed last night and this morning. Laurice was one reason, Cris was another. He's always on the verge of tears (if not crying) whenever we talk about this situation (weird set-up) we have now. To top it off, he's the first guy to ever tell me he loves me. So, I dunno how to react to that.

I guess I have to take it one step at a time. Follow my advice to Laurice. Missing you girl!

Monday, September 23, 2002

I'm off to a hopefully fun overnight at Laurice's place!!!
No time left. Joy and Joan are kinda impatient to wait for me...
More entries next time. I'm gonna tell you how I got soooo busy, I DID NOT experience a weekend!

Thursday, September 19, 2002

*sigh* Another boring day in my life... No work since we have no patients scheduled for today. Yeah... you may say "Lucky, girl!" Well, not really... I don't seem to know where I'm headed... You know, like a quarter life crisis but not really.. Since I'm only 22... Oh by the way, 89 days and 9 hours left before The Two Towers premiere (according to the clockdown timer on my desktop). =)

Later, I'm gonna meet a few friends... maybe change the course of their financial future (and mine as well). I'm starting to build my own business now (since I have to take some risks from the options given to me). I want a CHANGE in my life. I can feel something missing. Maybe I am just not contented but then... I just want MORE.

Who knows? A few years from now, I will be able to reach my dreams... I need to take a few steps at a time.
Know what you do... Do what you know!

Wednesday, September 18, 2002

Click to subscribe to LegolasGreenleaf

My own online blogger... WOW! I miss having a diary and I hope this makes up for all the times and chances I lost to not jotting down everything that happened to my life since... i dunno...

Thanks to my friend Laurice for giving me this idea...