Monday, September 27, 2004


This blog space is for a friend. I don't know if he'll get to read this but here goes:

Happy Birthday, Wesley!

I know you like strawberries but since you're far from me right now, here's something for you:

Hehehe! Hope you like them! :)

Blue fever

Ant, Si, Dunc, Lee
taken from Blue's Official Website

I have to say that last Saturday was the highlight of my week and probably the highlight of my month!

My sister, my friend Ayn and I met up at about 5PM last Saturday. Concert starts 8:30PM but I know it would be better to get there early especially since we're on Upper Box and it's free seating. We passed by a nearby mall, gulped our pizza and drinks, then went inside. I must say, the crowd was unexpectedly small. Maybe because there was not much promotion in the local TV stations. The concert officially started a little past 9PM. The opening act was Derek McDonald, this Scottish, Ricky-Martin look-alike. (I promise I'll post my pics once I have them developed). He sang these familiar songs I recently hear being played on the airwaves-- Hurts So Bad, Nobody Knows, Alone Again.

taken from Derek McDonald's Official Website

Cameras were not allowed, but then I am used to these Westlife concerts that I know how to bend and break some rules. Hehehe! If I only have the finances, I would have bought the front seats for my sis and me. I mean, since the boyband era is fast disappearing and this may be Blue's last concert as a group (I certainly hope not, but I gotta face the truth), it would have been cool if I was there in front of the lads taking their pictures up close and if I were lucky, touched Lee's hand or got Ant's wet towel. Rawr! But then those are just wishful thinking. I was broke and I could only afford the Upper Box seats and I bet my Blue pics are so tiny that I would only get a clear view of their faces because of the wide screen behind them. :(

Another thing that made me wish I was there up front was that Blue is very friendly when it comes to pleasing their fans. They won't let a fan down. I mean, there are these security protocols they have to follow so they won't get hurt but unlike other concerts I watched, they were there to mingle with fans! They (literally) reach out to ordinary people! Lee even went down the stage to get this girl so they can sing her The Birthday Song in a capella and they even gave her a kiss each. If that girl was me, I'd probably die up that stage happy. Before they sang "Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word", Dunc gave this short speech about them cancelling their concert last year due to personal reasons. Then he said "We're really sorry, Manila!" One act I can't forget was when Simon rapped this poem he wrote for the fans. It was touching. You'd know that they are not forgetting they're also ordinary people living extraordinary lives. That without the fans, they won't be up on stage performing. *sigh*

I nearly lost my voice shouting and singing along with their songs. Too bad I didn't lose it completely. I would have had an excuse of not going to work due to voice problems. Hahaha! This guy (please see picture below) never let me down. He's my fave because he's got this great voice and he's not a snob. Lee's voice never faltered. He was still able to reach high pitches despite the fact that he is dancing at the same time. Really great performance! My second fave is Simon since he has this genuine smile for fans he meet. I remember about two years ago when they had autograph signing in Megamall (and Lee was sick so he couldn't fly here), Simon was the one who always looked up to a fan and said "Hi!" then smiled. When they went to Dish, I called Simon's name, he had to look back, wave and smile. Those small gestures mean a huge deal to fans like me! :)

Lee! My man! :)

I must admit, of all the live concerts I watched, Blue was one of those who sound good live, even better than recorded. Not to mention they look oh-so-good too with their sweaty shirts and all! :p

Thursday, September 23, 2004


Do you believe in horoscopes? I like to read mine but I don't pattern my life with what it states. I just read it for fun.

I was reading mine earlier and I read through this:
You're feeling misunderstood, but it's actually you who is misunderstanding your partner's actions. Find a different perspective.

I have a feeling someone is trying to tell me something...

Balanced-brain me!

The Brain Test
What Your Brain Says About How You Think and Learn

That means you are able to draw on the strengths of both the right and left hemispheres of your brain, depending upon a given situation.

When you need to explain a complicated process to someone, or plan a detailed vacation, the left hemisphere of your brain, which is responsible for your ability to solve problems logically, might kick in. But if you were critiquing an art opening or coming up with an original way to file papers, the right side of your brain, which is responsible for noticing subtle details in things, might take over.

While many people have clearly dominant left- or right-brained tendencies, you are able to draw on skills from both hemispheres of your brain. This rare combination makes you a very creative and flexible thinker.

The down side to being balanced-brained is that you may sometimes feel paralyzed by indecision when the two hemispheres of your brain are competing to solve a problem in their own unique ways.

A combination between emotion/art and logic. Not bad. In other words, BORING? Hahaha! I like this test. It's true. Sometimes I find it difficult making important decisions, especially hasty ones. I have to think it over and over and weigh the consequences. Boring nga. :)


Two more days before the Blue concert...

and if I'm not mistaken, 93 more days before Christmas!


(Yeah, I gotta focus on other things too so I won't lose my mind.)

Wednesday, September 22, 2004

don't get me wrong

If I were to go back to the past, I'd still choose to be in this relationship, not just for the experience, but also for the lessons I learn and the happiness each moment brings. I mean, I never imagined someone would love me back! I thought I'd always be a victim of unrequited love! Haha!

Seriously, we haven't talked yet. This is probably the deep breath before the plunge...

Tuesday, September 21, 2004

letting go

I was mad at him yesterday that I, after much deliberation on my part, finally told him over the phone, "...I better let go".

I had to think a lot of times before I said that since I have to make sure I am ready to accept whatever answer he gives.

Am I ready to go back to being single?

Sure, I'll miss the laughter, those warm hugs, the kisses, the companionship. I'll miss my confidante, bestfriend and critic. I'll miss getting that white tulip he'd buy after getting his first paycheck (that would be 2 weeks from now). I'll miss the fun times and kilig moments. I'll miss pigging out with someone who does not care if I eat too much and who worries if I skip meals. I'll miss having a hand and to hold while watching movies. I'll miss sharing my plans and enthusiasm for life with someone. I'll miss these things and a lot more.

He said he wanted to talk to me in person. I try to be careful coz I don't want regrets. We could remain together or become just friends or not, it depends on the outcome. I'm open to sort things out with him but if I am not satisfied, I gotta let go-- for my sake.

But I can manage. I think.


Put away the pictures.
Put away the memories.
I put over and over
Through my tears
I've held them till I'm blind
They kept my hope alive
As if somehow that I'd keep you here
Once you believed in a love forever more
How do you leave it in a drawer?

Now here it comes, the hardest part of all
Unchain my heart that's holding on
How do I start to live my life alone?
Guess I'm just learning,
Learning the art of letting go.

Try to say it's over
Say the word goodbye.
But each time it catches in my throat
Your still here in me
And I can't set you free
So I hold on to what I wanted most
Maybe someday we'll be friend's forever more
Wish I could open up that door

Now here it comes, the hardest part of all
Unchain my heart that's holding on
How do I start to live my life alone?
Guess I'm just learning,
Learning the art of letting go

Watching us fade
What can I do?
But try to make it through
the pain of one more day
Without you

Where do I start, to live my life alone?
I guess I'm learning, only learning,
Learning the art of letting go.

~The Art of Letting Go by Mikaila


Pun was intended when I thought of the title.

The former company I worked with for more than a year called and asked if I wanted to go back and work for them. They have this amnesty chuvah and it's, I think, a nicer way to say, "Oops! we were mistaken to let you go so please come back!" I mean, hello? I resigned 'coz I don't want to work there anymore. I did not even give a 30-day notice so I'll be sure I won't return. Don't they get it? Well anyways, this girl from HR was chatting with me asking me stuff like if I'm currently employed or what. She said it doesn't matter if I didn't give a 30-day notice before I resigned. If I wanted to go back, I can. What's the matter? Business going down the drain, folks? That's what you get for not knowing how to manage your account/s and your veteran reps well. I told her I'll think about it and she left her contact number.

I thought of two things they need to offer me before I'll go back to their premises.

1. Higher salary. Way, way higher than what I'm getting now.
2. Assign me to a different account.

Now, give me one more good reason to go back there.

my bad

I don't know if I have to blame it on P.M.S. or my innate moodiness of both but the past few days have been full of anger, resentment, sadness and sentimentality for me.

Last night, there was this woman who approached me and asked for directions. I was waiting for a cab then and I gave her the information she needed. All of a sudden she cried and said she needed money to go back home to Cavite. I was skeptical since I've experienced a lot of that during my Recto and Avenida days when I was in High School. The University Belt is one scary place. Anyways, I told her I only have enough money in my pocket for me to go home the next day. I was running late and I hailed a cab and left her. I felt guilty then. I kept saying "I'm sorry" as if it were my fault I'm broke. Then I thought maybe she's a fairy and she will give me bad karma and all that. :)

I got home and told my sis about it. She said she also encountered that woman since she remembered the woman telling her she needs to go home to Cavite. Hmmm... I don't feel that guilty anymore. :)

Earlier this morning, I snapped at the receptionist on my way out of the office. It was the 3rd time I went there to follow up on my certificate of employment request. We passed the request August 27 and every week, we go there hoping we'll get it. This girl-- the receptionist was trying hard not to be rude at first. She was very defensive about the pathetic job their doing. She first told us it will take 7 days for the request to be completed since the HR people are very busy adjusting due to change in offices and managers and such. 14 days later she told us she will email HR personally and follow-up. There were 4 of us who requested. 25 days later, three of us got the COE except unlucky me. So, I sneered at my friend and told her maybe it takes a month for mine to be completed. Then this receptionist said (quite strongly and I did not like it) that we have to understand since HR is understaffed. Yeah, the entire 6 months and 2 weeks I've been in that company, HR has always been understaffed and they're not doing anything about it. The receptionist told me to go back and I said I didn't have a choice. She slammed the table with the folders she was carrying and I gave her a sarcastic "Thank You" and turned my back.

So, whoever crosses my path when I'm in this mood-- BEWARE! :p

Sunday, September 19, 2004


What is so intriguing about secrets?

I would prefer to get hurt and cry over a hurtful truth rather than to smile and be happy over a sinful lie.

I laid down my cards. It's time to lay down yours dammit!

boybands and a book

(This entry connected to this post.)

I'm back to my "boyband fan-mode" again. I missed that part of myself. The last time I felt this way was when Westlife came to the country for their second concert last 2001. I was in college then. I had a dream last night that I was watching Blue's concert and I am seated third row from the front. Then I woke up and told myself I had to get some tickets even if I have to tighten my belt for the next two weeks when it comes to budgeting. So here I am, happy with my Upper Box A tickets. I know I can't afford anything more expensive than that. I have to be practical although my "boyband fanatic" side tells me not to settle for General Admission. ;p

Don't get me wrong, I may be a screaming fangirl when it comes to concerts but I am a choosy screaming fangirl. You must either be very talented to hear me scream for more... or very charming. Hahaha!

Notice that my two fave boybands are from the U.K. Yes, I fancy Brits. Love their accent! I can still remember when I loved Prince William so much I got a grade of 1.0 (highest in U.P. standards) on my term paper about the British monarchy and Princess Di's death.


By the way, I borrowed a copy of "The Da Vinci Code" by Dan Brown as suggested by a friend since I wanted to judge for myself if it was worth the hype. I finished it last night and I think it was a good theory book. It got me thinking what if it were true. I heard a lot of conspiracy theories (like Jaime Licauco's) regarding the church and I can't help but link them to the thoughts Mr. Brown presented in his work of fiction. No, my faith was not shattered. I do believe in One Mighty Being although like the friend I mentioned, my problem lies with the church and how it is being handled (or mishandled?) by men, and not with Jesus Christ.

I must say I like the "breaking the code" parts of the book. Wanting to find the clues and to find out what happens next made me skip a few sentences or even paragraphs in the page quite similar to fast-forwarding a video. Only J.K. Rowling's "Harry Potter" series made me do that. I am in fact intrigued by this book and I want to read Dan Brown's "Angels and Demons" as well.

Since I am not new to these "theories" about the church and Jesus Christ and Mary Magdalene, I think it was just overhyped by people who never thought this way before. This way-- meaning Jesus was also a human being. It's a good read though and I even recommended it to my parents. My father is a religion teacher so I am interested to know what he thinks about the book. My mother likes the book though. But I don't think I'll buy a copy, thanks. About the "Angels and Demons", I'll place it in my to-read list. :)

Friday, September 17, 2004

But then...

I'm moving on the edge right now.
Will he be able to save me?
Am I willing to let go?

I don't want us to become another used to be.

3 days

It's been three days since I last posted. Three days since I went online. I have focused on my work for the last three days hoping that this month will end with a smile on my face. I have this target to reach and if I don't get it before the end of the month, bye-bye bonus for me. I don't want that to happen. So, here's to 8 hours of talking straight and drinking almost 4 tall tumblers of water in the process. Water therapy. Aaah...

Yes, it's been three days since I last saw my sister although it is kinda ironic since we sleep on the same bed! Our schedules just don't meet. I get home and she just left. I leave for work and she's not yet home. I miss her. The hardship of Nursing is taking its toll and she actually went to school today with a slight fever and it's raining. Tsk tsk. I've been there. I know she's strong enough to survive. Go, sis!

I noticed my unkymood on the left side is missing and my blogrolling links are missing too. I wonder what happened to them in the span of three days.

I am just grateful the week is about to end. At least I get to see my family more than see my PC monitor. At least I get to go out, maybe watch a movie with my sis. At least I get to see him and ask him how he feels about working in the graveyard shift for a change. At least we're on the same "timezone" now and we get to have the same body clock and sleep cycles. At least it's raining today and I'll get to sleep well later. At least I'm still here. :)

Tuesday, September 14, 2004

quiz time!

Got this quiz from my sister. This is cool! Quite true too! :)

You are Yellow Pegasus, who is charming but short tempered woman.
You possess charms and a well-liked personality.
You tend to be rather too emotional and overreactive, in that you can cry your eyes out on nothing, or be impressed by small things.
From others, you look very sociable and like being with people.
But inside, you are sensitive and nervous, you are extremely cautious,
and are only acting to look sociable.
Nevertheless, you can easily trust people, and tend to be soft hearted.
You should be careful not to be deceived.
You have great talent and intelligence.
You are very active person and are always busy.
Your emotions and actions are combined and you can work on great speed.
You don't let other people come near you, and therefore tend to work on your own.
You are also able to manipulate others to help you do your work.
Someone who can understand your sensitivity and someone who can bring out your talent like a big sister will be a great help for you.
You have too many likes and dislikes.
You are temperamental tomboy type of woman.
You possess good speculative talent, and may be able to make huge amount of money.
Although you are not a great spender, sometimes you easily spend great amount on impulse.
You will experience grand passion when young.
A lot of this type of people tends to get remarried as well.
Health-wise, you should be careful about your stomach and liver.
Having sunshine may do you good.


I love it when he makes me feel this way! :)


Nothing shows a man's character more than what he laughs at. ~Goethe

Saturday, September 11, 2004

what now?

I don't like this time of the month when it's too late from my last payday and it's too early for my next one. Yeah, I'm broke during these times... But what the heck, I know I always survive.

I haven't had sleep yet since 8PM last night. Again, what the heck! I've been awake for longer hours before and I can do it again. I'm renting a PC right now since it's way faster than my dial-up connection at home and I haven't checked my emails for a couple of days now. I've been singing "Crazy for You" from the 80's since I started watching "13 Going On 30"! Funny though I am not a Madonna fan. :)

I've been reading three books in the past week and I haven't finished any of them yet. Tsk tsk! The first one is Paulo Coelho's "Warrior of the Light". It's a light read I know but I want to read a page a day and kinda ponder on it (like "A Purpose-Driven Life"), so I haven't finished it yet. The second book is Wally Lamb's "I Know This Much is True". I am halfway through that but those who have seen the book should see the thick pages and would understand why I haven't finished it since I only get to read at least 2 chapters a day before going to sleep. Then comes the third one, the borrowed "The Da Vinci Code" by Dan Brown. I never got to buy a copy despite the hype. I guess I have to read it first before I decide if I'm gonna get a copy and read his "Angels and Demons". My sister wanted me to finish it before I finish Lamb's so she can return it to her friend. I started reading it yesterday and so far, the story is intriguing... and I'm only in chapter 4.

I am looking forward to the Blue concert. I told my sister if she can save about P600 within 3 weeks for the tickets, I'll cover the thousand more. I hate budgeting but I have to learn. But still, I wish I don't have Saturday shift on the 25th so I could watch the concert, but if in case I have a shift, I'll definitely find a way to watch it. By hook or by crook... :p

one and a half

Happy 18th Monthsary, Lisse!

I did not get to see you today but I am thankful coz I know you'll be there for me. Thanks for the memories and great times together. Goodluck in your new job! Now, our schedules jive since you'll finally feel what it's like to work in the graveyard shift. See you at breakfast then? :)

Thursday, September 09, 2004

26 years

My parents don't make a big deal out of this day, but I want to. Without this day, I won't even exist. They waited for about two years for their eldest to come and I hope I did not disappoint them. :)

Happy 26th Anniversary
Mama and Papa!

Tuesday, September 07, 2004

on good days

It's been months since I watched a movie alone. I did not have work last night so I decided to meet up with him after his first day of training. I was at the mall a few hours early so I watched "13 Going On 30" to pass the time.

I like Jennifer Garner and I think Mark Rufallo's really cute. I thought it would be another no-brainer movie but then it actually got me thinking what if I was given the chance to go back in time, will I change something or undo a mistake? One part of me wants to answer "no" because without these mistakes, I won't be who I am today. But after watching the movie, there's something in me that's wondering what life could have been if I change some decisions in the past.

But I must say, it was funny watching Andy Serkis dance "Thriller". Imagine Smeagol/Gollum doing that. Hahaha!

There was a part in the movie when I heard some sniffles from the ladies near me. Then I asked myself why they're crying like that or why I felt my throat tighten as well. I don't know. Maybe because of the realization that big mistakes give hard lessons-- the type that will make you scarred for life. I never liked regrets. The good thing is that the movie is fiction. The girl got to go back to the present and undid what she could have done and the couple lived happily ever after. Wouldn't it be fun to go to the future and if you don't like what you see, go back to the present and change your life?

We met after the movie and had dinner. Then we sat on a bench and talked about us and about his day and analyzed people passing by. It reminded me of a part from "The Notebook" after I recently reread it:

And I learned what is obvious to a child. That life is simply a collection of little lives, each lived one day at a time. That each day should be spent finding beauty in flowers and poetry and animals. That a day spent with dreaming and sunsets and refreshing breezes cannot be bettered. But most of all, I learned that life is about sitting on benches next to ancient creeks with my hand on her knee and sometimes, on good days, of falling in love.

Sunday, September 05, 2004

haunting past

Since he doesn't have access to the internet, I usually check his email for him. Today I got to read a message from his ex-girlfriend. The woman he has a son with. She is in the U.S. right now and she already has her own family. But then I couldn't help but feel a twinge of jealousy after reading the "harmless and friendly" email from the woman who previously stole his heart. I wonder how big a part was stolen...

I used to love someone that I didn't like
We used to wanna break up every other night
I used to think relationships were a lot of stress
I used to think that pain was a part of happiness
Now all that's changed since you've come my way
But I don't want us to become
Another used to be

~"Another Used To Be" by Joe

The Notebook

My Ma and sis watched the movie last night. My Ma was disappointed since she recently reread the book and found the deviations from the book not that tearjerking as expected. The movie was fine in my opinion although I like the part better with the older Noah and Allie scenes (with James Garner and Gene Rowlands). Probably because I did not really like the portrayal of the younger Allie (played by Rachel McAdams) and the Noah (played by Ryan Gosling) is a different kind of Noah in the book. There was no intensity in his personality as the book Noah would have. (I know since I opened the book last night and I started reading it again). I also did not like the part when the lovers reunited and Allie was like a sex-hungry woman instead of a lovesick girl. It looks as if she was only looking for sex with Noah after all these years!

I was looking forward to the second breakup scene, when Allie cannot decide if she were to go back to Lon or remain with Noah. That was before the reading of the letters. That was one of the memorable scenes in the book. But that scene in the movie was like a comedy with Noah trying to say some witty and funny quips. I don't think they had chemistry in that scene. But there are some instances when the audience had to make a loud sigh especially during that lake scene with all the swans around. That was beautiful!

But then again, maybe I am more of a Lon (played by James Marsden) fan. He was the most pityful character of all. Despite that, I did cry on that scene when the older Noah cried as the older Allie again forgets herself after "one miraculous moment" after their dinner.

Funny thing was, if you look closer, Rachel McAdams looks like a more mature Matet (a local young actress and adopted daughter of Nora Aunor) and Ryan Gosling looks like a younger Matt Ranillo III (another local actor). We were actually laughing at the resemblance and kept joking that if it were a Pinoy movie, the title could have been "Matt and Matet: Happy Together". Hahaha! I also mentioned to my sis that the younger Ryan Gosling (no beard) can play a part of an older Draco Malfoy (from "Harry Potter") and the older Ryan Gosling (with beard) can play a part of Jesus Christ. Hahaha!

All in all, the movie can still tug the heartstrings of those who have not read the book. In my case though, I still prefer rereading Nicholas Sparks's "The Notebook" anytime than watching this movie again.

Saturday, September 04, 2004


I am facing three days of "freedom"-- that means, no work (and hopefully, all play) for me. Just ended another tedious day at work. I think my brain's all fried up from the radiation of my PC's monitor. But still, I am here stealing some internet time before I finally go home and rest. It's too hot outside. My head is aching. Maybe it's because I am so used to nocturnal life that I know have a lower threshold level for sunlight. I would like to think I am slowly turning into a blood-sucking creature similar to those Anne Rice characters. Hehehe! Wish!

I was thinking of saving up for a new mobile phone. I mean, I've been using this 3-year old, outdated model and I want to give myself a gift by Christmas. But then again, if I were to choose, what I have is okay even if you call it low-tech. Also, my sis and mom wanted to watch "The Notebook". I'd probably end up watching this movie and paying for them as well, not to mention pay for the food too. I don't know why everytime I decide to save up for something expensive, I end up buying more inexpensive things.

I guess I have to choose now. Save for a new cellphone or watch a movie with my mom and sis?

Alright... off to the movies we go! :)

Thursday, September 02, 2004

hannon le!

I am truly grateful that you graced this world with your presence and imagination. Thank you for creating such fantasy that moved a lot of lives. I offer this blog space for you, dear Professor.

John Ronald Reuel Tolkien
(3 January 1892 - 2 September 1973)

looking forward... a long weekend. No work on Monday. Labor Day in the U.S. I just want to do the things I want to do for a change-- not the things I need to do. Why is that so hard to accomplish?