Sunday, February 27, 2005

Life ain't that bad

A lot of things are happening at the same time. A lot of mixed emotions are coming out. A lot of challenges are blocking my path. But when I think of people who love me, friends who care and my family who's always there, life is not that bad at all.


Thursday, February 24, 2005

I wish...

I could say this day could just be any other day. But last night was a teary night for both me and my sis. With his absence bothering me and my mother's condition worrying me, I wish this day could have been better.

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

don't bother

The past couple of days are quite tiring but very interesting for me. I learned new things and met new people. On our first day, we had to introduce ourselves to the class and we were asked to share something interesting about ourselves and asked about a topic that we find uneasy to share. I can't think of something right away but there is one topic that I felt irritated if someone asks me to explain-- career decisions. I don't want to go through the details about why I am not practicing Physical Therapy right now or why I am wasting my time in the callcenter industry.

Last night, I was informed by a couple of officemates that I was "the talk of the town" in the office. I filed for leave this entire week and I have already informed my supervisor about my pending resignation and my decision not to accept the coach position. I made history when I did not accept it since that was the first time that the offer was declined. There were mixed reactions. My friends felt proud of me for keeping my priorities straight. Some couldn't imagine why I would decline such an offer. Another coach even said that I could earn the same amount of money just by doing overtime and by doing nothing at the same time. I can even decline supervisor calls (really irate customers).

I am not like that. I do my job well if I am given responsibilities. I am not happy there anymore, so I left. My sister even said I could stay if the price is right, and it's not. So, why bother?

I told my friends to tell them not to cry over spilled milk. I've already made my decision. I want to belong in the new company now and I am trying my best to do well here and hopefully, all my efforts will be recognized. I hope they think about what happened, accept it, and improve what needs to be improved.

Not in the time, place or circumstance, but in the man lies success.

Sunday, February 20, 2005

girls' night out

One of my closest friends at work informed me that she is proud of my making that decision. Of all people, I wouldn't thought she will be the one to tell me that. These past few weeks, I have been disappointed of her reaction about me resigning. (Please see previous posts.) It felt like she was just thinking about herself. But I was wrong.

Last night was one of the best girls' night out I've ever had. There was no fancy restaurant, no expensive movies, just plain fun and pure friendship. We stayed in one of my officemate's condo unit. We spent the night and almost the entire morning there. We each drank a bottle of vodka cruiser and several shots of Bailey's. We played Ice Breaker and this game she (the girl I was referring to in the first paragraph of this entry) made. It's a bit like Ice Breaker but the questions were very personal and most of them are about our job in that company. There were only six of us, since one could not attend , but nevertheless, it was still fun.

I never thought I could share a lot of myself, my thoughts-- even the very private ones, to this group. It felt good to know that someone is willing to listen and understand.

friends 'til the end (DJ, Gene, Sarah, Karol, Joan)
(me not included in pic. taken using Nokia 6610i)

I was offered a coach/assistant supervisor position in the company. About a month too late since I've already made up my mind that I have to move on. It was supposed to be my very first promotion, but since there is no increase in pay with all the additional responsibilities, I just thought that was a stupid offer. Actually, before that I was asked if I wanted to be a trainor too. I was quite surprised since I never passed a letter of intent to my supervisor for these positions. If there was and increase in pay, I would have thought twice. Don't get me wrong, I am very grateful to my supervisor for doing that for me, for fighting for me even if the management is not that keen on giving me a promotion (Read: I don't kiss ass.) Having that person as a supervisor in that company is one of the good things I am thankful for. I will never forget what she did for me. I hope she won't think that her efforts have gone to waste.

I just wanted to keep my priorities straight, so I turned down the offer for the coach position. I know that if I accept that offer, I will regret it. I don't want to back out from my plan to transfer to another company. Besides, I've already confirmed my attendance for training and I am looking forward to paydays. *cross fingers* It's tough leaving a routine and facing the unknown, but I'm not happy there anymore. I know I'll meet new people, but I never regretted my almost one year in that company. I have maintained and made new friends and I will never forget them. If you'll get to read this, you know who you are. Thank you for a wonderful night out and for not hesitating to share your opinions and stories with me. I will always remember you. And to you, the girl who made the game and the night fun, no one can replace you. You're truly a unique person and you'll always be a friend to me. I'll miss you all! =)

Friday, February 18, 2005

Looking forward... my last shift tonight. Next week, I'll be starting a new chapter in my life. I'll meet new people, learn new things and experience new happenings. It's way past my bedtime but I'm still up because I am trying to squeeze a lot of things in a short span of time. I want everything to be prepared before next week. I am expecting this to be a hectic weekend. So, wish me luck and I hope this one's a better chapter to go through.

You’ll Be Safe Here

Nobody knows
Just why we’re here
Could it be fate
Or random circumstance
At the right place
At the right time
Two roads intertwine

And if the universe conspired
To meld our lives
To make us
Fuel and fire
Then know
Where ever you will be
So too shall I be

Close your eyes
Dry your tears
‘Coz when nothing seems clear
You’ll be safe here
From the sheer weight
Of your doubts and fears
Weary heart
You’ll be safe here

Remember how we laughed
Until we cried
At the most stupid things
Like we were so high
But love was all that we were on
We belong

And though the world would
Never understand
This unlikely union
And why it still stands
Someday we will be set free.
Pray and believe

When the light disappears
And when this world’s insincere
You’ll be safe here
When nobody hears you scream
I’ll scream with you
You’ll be safe here

Save your eyes
From your tears
When everything’s unclear
You’ll be safe here
From the sheer weight
Of your doubts and fears
Wounded heart

When the light disappears
And when this world’s insincere
You’ll be safe here
When nobody hears you scream
I’ll scream with you
You’ll be safe here

In my arms
Through the long cold night
Sleep tight
You’ll be safe here

When no one understands
I’ll believe
You’ll be safe,
You’ll be safe
You’ll be safe here
Put your heart in my hands
You’ll be safe here

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

UP Fairster2

It's been about 5 years since I graduated from the university but attending the UP fair has always been fun for me.

My sister and I went to UP Diliman to watch Fairster2, thanks to an officemate who is a member of the UP Portia Sorority (College of Law). Good thing I was on leave last night and my sister has no classes today. It was fun despite only seeing a couple of familiar faces there. We went there in spite of my brother's warnings of people doing drugs during concert and a possibility of fistfights. I am such a boring person so I guess that made it more exciting.

We watched several Filipino bands play on stage. Most of the amateurs played in the beginning of the program so my sis and I just ate our dinner, which consisted of a very unhealthy but delicious slice of pizza and free iced tea, as we sat in the middle of the Sunken Garden. There were lots of food, live music that was broadcasted live on the air via a local radio station. I was so full I did not have the guts (pun intended) to take rides or go wallclimbing.

sitting in the middle of Sunken Garden

We were actually waiting for a few well-known bands to play before we go home. I was informed that the program could go well past 4AM. People sitting on the grounds stood up when Mayonnaise performed. We were really enjoying the music by then. After that Brownman Revival did five songs. Reggae music made us both sway with the crowd (not to mention that I've always found the guitarist/backup vocals cute. Hehehe!) I know (fan)girls were actually screaming because the lead vocals looked so fine but I can't help but look at the background and notice a few people beyond the spotlight.

RiverMaya is a one of the bands that influenced my brother (who now plays bass in his own band) and I must admit that I began to appreciate Pinoy rock music through them (and Eraserheads). That was the time when both Ely Buendia and Bamboo MaƱalac were still lead singers of those bands. This was actually the first time that I saw them perform live with Rico Blanco as lead vocals. I know Rico is a very talented musician since he composes most of their songs but I was kinda curious what Rivermaya would sound like without Bamboo. I was not disappointed.

ang bagong Rivermaya
(from of

Rico kept the intensity and he knew how to handle an audience. Sure, there was a fistfight in the middle of their performance but since we were about a meter from the stage, we didn't care. They were not UP students anyway. Hihi! People were dancing and shouting and singing and body-slamming. That's what I miss about concerts.

Since I am not keen into looking at the spotlight, I also noticed this cute guy in the background. I used to like their drummer Mark Escueta, who is shy and all that. But this new bassist, Japs Sergio, really looks cute! Yes, even with the sweaty face. *blushes*

Japs Sergio, bassist

I wish I could experience more of that. With work and all, I miss having fun.

another wall to face

Horoscope for the day:
CANCER: If you run into a wall, don't give up. Find a way around it. Or learn to climb.

A few minutes ago, I got a message from my Ma that she has cervicitis and ovarian cyst. Her test results will be available next week and we'll know by then if she needs surgery for that. Meanwhile, my own test results for my cubital tunnel syndrome will also be available next week and I'll know if I'll need surgery for that as well.

All of these are happening together with my pending resignation. When I resign, that means I don't have any health coverage anymore, which means we have to shoulder all the expenses. I know I don't have the finances for that.

Earlier today, I was (again) informed of the "bad things" this new company might offer me. I was also tempted with promotion and all that crap. If they really wanted to promote me, they had a year to do that. Why now? I know for a fact that they promote only when and who they want to. They don't decide based on the performance and the need to fill a position. I've been working there for quite sometime to know what going on. And besides, promotion is just lateral. There is no increase in basic pay. So why bother? Go shove that promotion up your asses.

Will I stay even if I'm not happy just because I need the medical expense coverage? Or will I wait for a few weeks to see if this new company will give me a better deal and will, at the same time, offer the same if not better medical coverage for me and my parents?

Let me go ahead and bang my head on that wall.

Monday, February 14, 2005

Happy Valentine's Day!

No date today but I'm still happy. Imagine not working tonight. Yeehaa! I watched "The Phantom of the Opera" yesterday and it was a masterpiece! I just can't get over the songs and the actors as well. They're all superb! I can't even believe Minnie Driver could sing! Hahaha!

If you're thinking about a good V-day movie to watch, I recommend it. You'll fall in love. Yes, even if you're single. =)

People may call today "Hearts' Day" or "Couples' Day" or "Singles Awareness Day", just pause for a moment and think of love-- for a partner, your family, your friends and even life itself.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Saturday, February 12, 2005

what I'll miss

One more week to go before bye-bye time. Only a handful of people know this and that makes it more difficult. The second resignation is tougher than my first one. Aside from the high-tech/high-security building, the 24/7 Country Style, 7-11 and Starbucks within the building, these are the top three reasons why I'll miss my job.

Couchtime after lunch with the pricks.
(L to R) Sarah (poisonivy), me, Gene (genepearl), DJ

Team Patoots
The best team in the account! You can quote me on that. Hah!

my workstation

*pictures taken using Nokia 6610i

Friday, February 11, 2005

23 months...

...and going strong. Wish I could see him more often though. =)

cubital tunnel syndrome

Personal signs and symptoms:

  • tingling on the ulnar side of the right hand and the little finger
  • minimal wrist pain (3/10) upon prolonged wrist flexion or extension
  • (+) Phalen's Test
  • (+) ulnar nerve compression test on right elbow
  • (-) nerve-percussion test on right wrist

Rule out: carpal tunnel syndrome

Test to take: EMG-NCV

Cubital tunnel syndrome is a condition that involves the ulnar nerve as it crosses the elbow. The ulnar nerve provides sensation to the ring and little fingers as well as making some of the muscles in the hand work. When it is damaged, numbness and tingling occurs in the fingers. It can feel as if it involves the whole hand, although it is only two fingers. The hand may also feel weak or clumsy. Sometimes the inside of the elbow will be painful.

The ulnar nerve sits in a groove (cubital tunnel) towards the back and inside of the elbow. Normally it is protected. However, it can be bumped which results in the "hitting the funny bone" sensation. Long term damage to the nerve can come from repeated bending of the elbow (such as operating levers or lifting), leaning on it (such as reading or driving) or a direct blow.

The diagnosis of cubital tunnel syndrome begins by asking specific questions as to which fingers feel different, if the hand is weak and where any pain is located. The physical examination involves tapping on nerves to determine where they are irritated. It is important to determine that other causes of "pinched nerves" are not present such as diabetes or kidney disease. The ulnar nerve can also be trapped in other areas such as the neck. Sometimes electrical diagnostic tests such as EMGs or nerve conduction studies are needed. These tests measure the speed of the nerve and how quickly information travels down the nerve. An area where the nerve is pinched will slow the speed.

Treatment usually starts with resting of the elbow. Keeping the elbow straight, especially at night reduces the amount of "stretch" on the nerve. An elbow pad rotated into the bend of the elbow can stop the elbow from fully bending. Activities that put stress on the cubital tunnel should not be done. Sometimes anti-inflammatory medicines are helpful.

Surgery may be needed if symptoms do not go away. This consists of "decompression", which removes the roof or one wall of the tunnel to decrease the pressure on the nerve, or "transposition" which moves the ulna nerve out of the cubital tunnel to another place. After surgery, most patients must wear a splint and rest the arm. Therapy after surgery may be used to help you get motion and strength back.

While treatment can help symptoms of cubital tunnel syndrome, not all patients recover completely after surgery. If your symptoms are not severe or present for a shorter time, you have a better chance of a complete recovery. Sometimes the changes you make at work and in leisure activity will have to be permanent for you to stay free of symptoms.

***Taken from this site.

Thursday, February 10, 2005

the pieces are moving...

New ideas are only scary until they become familiar.

Aside from the approaching V-day, my cubital tunnel syndrome and my pending resignation, one other thing made me think when I woke up today. It was my day off last night and early this morning, I received a message that realy irritated me. I was informed that there was a "rumor" about a possibility that the company where I'll be transferring to might lose its account. I was not in the office last night so I was not there to express my views, so here I am typing away.

I know that if an account pulls out of the company, the employees will be forced to transfer to another account. If not, then they are forced to resign. I was thinking if that happens, at least I get to experience getting a higher basic salary. I was hired by that company and they are responsible to look for a position for me. Worst case scenario would be forced-resignation. Although it's not an option for me to be jobless, I am quite confident that I will still find another job in another company. At least I can demand for a higher salary now.

I also know that even the account where I'm working right now still has a threat of being pulled out. So if I stay, I'd still face the same dilemma BUT I'd keep the lower basic pay. So, I'd prefer to face the unknown but receive higher pay than face the unknown and receive a lower amount. I will not stay where I am right now because of that.

It's a rumor. I'll know when I get there if the rumor is true. I was just pissed off because whether you're a friend or you're telling me this for my sake, I don't want other people to meddle with my affairs. Thank you for the concern but I hope you can be happy for me with my decision. It's my life. I will face whatever the outcome will be, whether good or bad. Remember, I will face the outcomes, not you.

It's not as simple as choosing between friends and money. I want to move on because if earning money means a better life for my family, I'm sorry but I will choose my family over friends anytime. If you're truly a friend, you won't think of the sadness and emptiness we'll both feel if we've lost touch. Let's not be self-centered. We'll still be friends even if we're working in different companies. Sure, we'll both meet new people but that's a part of life. Life has different plans for us. Let's move on.

There goes my angst for the day.

By the way, I was diagnosed with right cubital tunnel syndrome. I'll be taking my EMG-NCV test next week. I hope taking meds can lessen it because having an operation is not an option for me now, especially when I'll be giving up my health card once I resign. I just wanna forget about it and look forward to V-day! No, like I mentioned before, I don't have a date but I'll probably watch Pinoy bands perform in UP Diliman with my sis as a part of the UP fair this year. It's been almost 7 years since I've been through one and it's gonna be fun! =)

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

talk to me

Love this song! I don't think it's quite applicable to me, but I still like to listen to this. =)

Talk To Me

There you are again
I see you all the time
We haven't really met yet,
But you know, I don't mind
'Cuz I think today's the day
I'm gonna go right up and say to you
Would it be alright
If I called you up sometime?

There you go again
I let you get away
At least I've got more time
To think of what I might say (like)
“Couldn't we be good” (or maybe)
“Don't you think that we should find
Some quiet little place where we'd make love all day?”

Come and talk to me
What are you waiting for
'Cuz I can see you passing every day and I'm always wanting more
Come and talk to me
What are you gonna do
'Cuz I can't seem to get the nerve to get off my own ass
And come and talk to you

You know I love the type
You look like you've been up all night
And yet somehow still look beautiful
You do it all at the same time
Whenever you walk by
You always look me in the eyes
And in that moment I know
the same thing's on your mind

It always seems to be that I let the good things pass by
Because I let my fear stop me (but not this time)

Saturday, February 05, 2005

the board is set...

I am edging my way to that final and very hard decision in my "career" life. Like what Gandalf in The Lord of the Rings said, "The board is set. The pieces are moving." I am just waiting for that day when I confirm everything with a piece of paper.

Despite the attempts of some of my officemates to plant seeds of doubt in my head, I made several moves today. I couldn't sleep yesterday because I had lots of things in mind. It's tough when I am robbed of a much-needed snooze.

Although I don't want to face the coming days ahead, I need to. I don't want to think of it as quitting. I'd rather think of it as moving on. I'm leaving a place where I am comfortable, a place where I have set a standard for myself and for others. I am also leaving my routine. I'll be heading straight to the unknown. I have to tell myself that the past few months I've spent in this place were not futile. I learned. I laughed. I worked. I lived. I survived. The hardest thing for me is leaving my friends-- those people who made the memories unforgettable and the time worthwhile. Aside from the friends I have from the previous company, I have also managed to make new ones. It felt unfair in a way that I will shorten the time I could have spent with them. But I guess if the friendship is true, it will last amidst the distance. I know I will miss them.

Aside from this, I have also made another decision. Quite as tough. I don't want to burden myself with responsibilities. I have so much on my shoulders right now. I need some time. I just hope people will understand, especially the council members of TPTS.

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

start-of-February thoughts

Yes, another work opportunity has presented itself. I had a little discussion with my Ma earlier about me moving to another company without waiting for me to grow my roots in it. Easy for her to say. I have given it enough thought and time. I have weighed my options. It's not like I just make hasty decisions just for the heck of it.

I got to the point when I felt the familiar lack of motivation to go to work. It felt like giving my hundred percent on the job is futile. There is no direction, no target whatsoever. No future for me. I have always reiterated to her that I have no plans in getting old in the callcenter industry. To put it bluntly. I only work there for the money. As soon as my siblings are stable enough with their own careers and finances, I will pursue anything I want to do with my life. I look at it as a sacrifice slash investment on my end.

I was given a better deal and it's too good to let it pass by. It's about time I stop hoping for things that won't happen. Wish me luck! =)

(on Valentine's Day)
Today is a holiday made by greeting card companies to make people feel like crap. ~Joel, "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind".

I don't know why people make a "loveless" Valentines Day a big deal. I have been through that for more than 2 decades of my life. Yes, I would love to receive a dozen tulips and a box of chocolates too. But why force it when it's not yet time, right? I filed for leave on February 14. Most people concluded that I have a date on that day. Actually, I don't have a date on Valentines Day. I just wanted to spend the day with my family and hopefully, get to pamper myself by not going to work. That would be enough.

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

5 things (from Ivyjelly)

Five Things You May Not Know About My Time in School:
* My father did not want me to go to UP in case I ruin my Catholic school girl image and turn into an activist, but my Ma was ecstatic when I passed the UPCAT.
* I was a consistent honor student since I was in Nursery until I graduated from High School. Haha! What a geek.
* I did not enjoy much of my teenage years in high school because my parents pressured me to maintain my being an honor student so what I did most of the time was study.
*My parents cut me some slack when I went to college and they never pressured me again. But the course was so tough I had to pressure myself instead to do well. Bummer.
*I graduated from B.S. Physical Therapy and passed the Board Exams but never got to practice it.

Five Things You May Not Know About the Job/s I Have (or Had):
*My first job was when I worked as a research assistant in a medical study conducted by a huge pharmaceutical company for almost a year. I quit because I was not given any benefits.
*I have been working in the callcenter industry for more than two years now and I still am not happy with my job despite the fact that the pay is good.
*I am currently contemplating on resigning (again!) if the offer is better in that other company.
*I suffer from backaches and eye strain since I spend more than 9 hours of my day in front of a PC.
*Practice made me maintain 60-70 words per minute (depending on the mood) when I type and I am not even a touch typist (that means my fingers are not in their proper locations in the keyboard).

Five Things You May Not Know About Where I Live:
*I live near a Muslim community so there is a part in our street where there are no Christmas decors during the Holidays.
*A few years ago, an old house caught fire only a block away from where I live and I was so nervous then when we were gathering our things to get ready to evacuate.
*We only live in an apartment and we have lived there for about 10 years now but I don't know most of my neighbors.
*I live only 3 blocks away from the city mayor's house so everytime there is a brown-out, he makes sure our place gets electricity first. Now he is working on the water pipes in our community. Ahh... the advantages of being near a political figure. Hahaha.
*I live in a "strategic location". That means whether I wanna go to Manila or Makati, there is no problem since both areas are accessible from where I live. We are still in the Manila area but we are near Makati's heart district.

Five Things You May Not Know About My Home Life:
*A few years ago, the five of us (mom, dad, sis, bro) live in one room. We share the apartment with some relatives and we converted one of the bedrooms into a studio-type room where we sleep, eat and watch TV.
*I live in an apartment with my father, mother, younger brother and younger sister.
*Due to our different schedules-- work for me, school for my sis and gigs for my bro, we rarely eat together.
*I rarely go out of our house unless I need to buy food, rent PC or if I'm going to work or to the mall.
*It was only 2 years ago when my brother had his own room and I share mine with my sis. Before, the three of us share only one room and one double deck bed.

Five Things You May Not Know that I Desperately Want:
*To travel the world before I die.
*To discover my passion.
*To make decisions for myself and not for others.
*To give my parents the comfortable life they deserve since they're both retired now.
*To be financially stable.

Five Embarrassing Fannish Admissions I Have That You May Not Know:
*My love for boybands came out when I was only four years old. My mother bought me a Menudo tape (Ricky Martin's band) because I wanted to have one.
*I had this obesession with Prince William and I even chose Princess Di's death as a topic of my term paper in college (that paper gave me a 1.0 grade).
*I am a Westlife fanatic. My fave is Mark Feehily. I am proud to say I watched all their concerts when they went here in Manila. I have four huge photo albums filled with Westlife pictures taken during their concerts and even during the times when we went to their hotels just to sneak a peek of these yummy Irish lads.
*After Prince William and Mark Feehily (of Westlife), my new obesession is Orlando Bloom, who played Legolas in "The Lord of the Rings". Pretty, pretty elf!
*I am a fanatic of Lord of the Rings. The top shelf of my book case is like a Tolkien shrine. All Tolkien books are displayed there, including pictures of the characters of LOTR and my two Legolas action figures.