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Tuesday, May 20, 2008 | 8:22:00 AM
A few weeks from now, my entire family is going to Bacolod -- my birthplace. I haven't been there for more than 11 years now. If only my grandma was well, we wouldn't plan on doing this for her birthday. But she's not and this may be the best time to visit her.


It has been a while. The city, I heard, looks different now. I can still remember glimpses of the place from my childhood memories. It's just a short one (6 days) for me and my siblings because we have to go back to work. Yeah, we have to earn the borrowed money we needed to go through this in the first place. There were several hindrances to this but my parents are quite excited about this trip. Since it is bound to happen, I might as well look forward to it.


I don't know exactly what to expect. I just want to have a good time. Besides, it's a week off from work. I must try not to think of the humongous workload that will be waiting for me when I come back. I'm gonna see people who grew older. Kids who are now taller than me. I'm gonna see new places and old ones. Heck, I'm gonna ride on a plane again! Yeah, it really has been a while...


My grandmother lives in the province-- in Murcia, Negros Occidental, near Kanlaon volcano. The place is about a couple of hours away from the city proper. I am quite excited to see the renovated Mambucal resort, it's hot springs, pool and waterfalls, which is just about 20 minutes away from my grandma's place. Oh how I wish I have the means to get a digital camera before the trip.


Before I leave, I should take advantage of what I have now in case I have to be stuck in the mountains with mosquitoes galore. I have to watch the finale of American Idol. Geez... I really hope Cook wins. Hehe! I also have to catch a couple of movies first (Prince Caspian and Sex and the City the movie?) and probably buy a book I can bring there (Twilight perhaps?).


I am quite torn. A part of me wants to go and another part wants to stay. I think I just have to go with the flow. If this feels right, then I should do it. Some people are gonna be missed but my love for travel beckons. =)

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There's a Fine, Fine Line

Wednesday, May 14, 2008 | 8:35:00 AM
A friend reminded me of this song last night. I first heard it when I watched Avenue Q (locally, of course) with Ian a few months ago and I fell in love with the song right then and there.


Here's Kate Monster and Mary Faber singing the song. It's one of the videos I found in Youtube.





There's a fine, fine line between a lover and a friend;
There's a fine, fine line between reality and pretend;
And you never know 'til you reach the top if it was worth the uphill climb.
There's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of time.


There's a fine, fine line between a fairy tale and a lie;
And there's a fine, fine line between "You're wonderful" and "Goodbye."
I guess if someone doesn't love you back it isn't such a crime,
But there's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of your time.


And I don't have the time to waste on you anymore.
I don't think that you even know what you're looking for.
For my own sanity, I've got to close the door
And walk away...
Oh...


There's a fine, fine line between together and not
And there's a fine, fine line between what you wanted and what you got.
You gotta go after the things you want while you're still in your prime...
There's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of time.



You said it all, Kate Monster. Now,let's give each other a hug. *hugs* =)

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Whirls and Twirls

Tuesday, May 13, 2008 | 8:31:00 AM
After the whirlwind week last week, I have caught some sleep during the weekend and I'm back to my zombie mode at work. I can't imagine I went through a post-birthday party, a relative's death, a sort-of family reunion, a friend's despedida party, a mother's day celebration and some work in-between in a span of a few days. There were mixed emotions, mixed drinks and mixed expressions. Maybe that's why I also feel mixed up today. Hah! But then there's this guy... this darn guy I couldn't stop thinking... umm... never mind. I am actually trying my best to forget him.


Anyway, here are some pics from Day's post-birthday party. Click this to view the entire album. Thank you, Day for the pictures. =)



posing with the donuts



pretty waves



a toast to friendship



Before I forget, (belated) Happy Mother's Day to all mothers out there! I know we're nothing (but void? hehe!) without you. Love you, Mama! Mwah! I hope you like our "gift", Hehe! I am not sure where I can grab some pics for Gabe's despedida party (I'm gonna miss you, Gabe! Huhuhu!) We will all be waiting for you! Oh, and I am looking forward to next weekend. I hope I can see some of my cousins and we can hang out together. It's been a while really. The entire family is also planning to go home to Bacolod City (after 11 years or so!) next month. I just have to think where I can get the money for that... Oh wow. Hahaha! I guess I have to work my arse off some more. =)

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Finding a Door

Thursday, May 08, 2008 | 10:01:00 PM
I'm a few blocks away from the building where I work but I am not going to work tonight. I am not sick. I am waiting for my sister because we are going to a wake tonight (again). My aunt-in-law (my mother's cousin-in-law and close friend) died a few days ago and she is going to be buried tomorrow. My mother wants the entire family to be present. As a sign of respect, I filed a short notice for leave tonight. Good thing I did not have any problems.


Talking about death is not really a comfortable topic even between friends. Lately, I couldn't help but think about it with all of what's happening around me. Losing a loved-one is my greatest fear and I'd rather die first instead of experiencing that. But then again, death (aside from change and taxes) is one of the facts of life no one can escape from.


Despite the heat today, it rained hard earlier tonight. Maybe that's the reason why I feel empty. Or maybe it's just the time of the month. There is this void in me right now and I cannot point to what exactly can fill it.


Good thing there's tv and I had it all to myself earlier. Hahaha! I was able to watch "American Idol" and I think the remaining 3 are very deserving to be on top. They're all good performers although I am rooting for David Cook (woot!). They show earlier just made me smile. Maroon 5 performed their latest single "If I Never See Your Face Again" and I found some clips on Youtube of the making of their new video featuring Rihanna. I can't wait to see the final cut.


Since I got nothing better to do, I answered a blogthing quiz:





The Keys to Your Life



Anything good in your life comes from your ability to play and be free.



The best way for you to solve a problem is to let go of it.



Anything bad in your life comes from sinking to the level of those around you.



Remember to lift people up, and refuse to participate in anything petty.

The Keys To Your Life



If I have the keys, I think I better find the door.

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Indecisive

Monday, April 28, 2008 | 2:08:00 PM
The past few weeks have been difficult for me when it comes to emotional matters. I blame my sensitive nature for that. I have been torn whether I should continue feeling this way or letting go and moving on. Lord knows how hard I tried to convince myself, and even some of my closest friends, to finally make a decision. After weighing the pros and cons, would I be totally honest to myself and to whoever is involved and risk (bad) judgment and misunderstanding?



I don’t want to make a big deal out of it but I can’t deny the fact that the “issue” at hand (or whatever it is that I am trying not to feel) has been on the back of my mind for some time now. The sad thing is it’s been creeping in and out of my subconscious like a nightmare or a fairy tale waiting to happen.



Maybe the changes that will occur in a few days are just some of the signs being thrown my way. Nothing’s in it for me. I have to look in another direction to fill that void. I don’t want to misinterpret actions and assume conclusions. That’s stupid. But then sometimes, when the heart gains control, the brain seems to cease functioning.



Maybe after a few years, I will read this and laugh at myself for feeling this way. Time has that quality of diminishing the so-called importance of some events in life. It really is tough if one’s mind says one thing and the heart says another. If I choose either decision, will I be able to live and have no regrets?

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