Friday, March 28, 2008

Into the Unknown

I am tired but I am ok. They say the only thing that's constant in this life is change. Change is good sometimes. We learn from change. The downside change brings to OC (obsessive-compulsive) people like me is getting all whacked out when the routine suddenly gets affected.

In the near future, there will be some changes-- at work and at home. I can live with it. I have to experience it even if not all of them are welcome. I guess that's a part of being human. Nevertheless, there are several things I am looking forward to in the coming weeks. Summer, for example, would mean a chance for me to go out-of-town with friends again. Finally. My family might also go home to the province (Negros Occidental) after more than 10 years come June if finances allow.

There are also things I am dreading about. I still cannot imagine where I am, career-wise, before the year ends. I guess I'll just take this one day at a time. My mother is still in the province and my Lola actually suffered a mild stroke as well aside from her gastric ulcer. She spent 5 days in the ICU and I am glad that she's feeling better now. I don't want to think of the finances anymore or where I could be a few months from now. I don't even wanna think of my non-existent love life. It just so happened that the "Drew" I've been thinking about lately is not the "Drew" I expected him to be. It is very disappointing.

No, I don't wanna think about it. I am getting a headache again. Let me just leave this song. This one's almost perfect again:

"Stop and Stare"
~* by OneRepublic*~

This town is colder now
I think it's sick of us
It's time to make our move
I'm shakin' off the rust
I've got my heart set
on anywhere but here
I'm staring down myself, counting up the years
Steady hands just take the wheel
Every glance is killing me
Time to make one last appeal for the life I lead
Stop and stare
I think I'm moving, but I go nowhere
Yeah, I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're here not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need

Oh, can you see what I see
They're tryin' to come back, all my senses push
Untie the weight bags I never thought I could
Steady feet don't fail me now,
I'm a run till you can't walk
But something pulls my focus out, and I'm standing down.
Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah, I know that everyone get scared
But I've become what I can't be
Oh stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're here not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, you don't need
Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah, I know that everyone get scared
I've become what I can't be
Oh, do you see what I see?

Sunday, March 23, 2008


My sister said the lyrics are so high-school! Hahaha! But this is how I feel. It's almost perfect, really. I just have to change the name "Drew". I heard it being played several times before while I get ready for work. That night I came from the wake, I was in the cab going to work again when the song played. I just looked out the window and listened to the lyrics. Yes, I've been loving this song lately. I wonder if "Drew" will ever realize it?

Teardrops on my Guitar
(by Taylor Swift)

Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see
That I want and I'm needing everything that we should be
I'll bet she's beautiful, that girl he talks about
And she's got everything that I have to live without

Drew talks to me, I laugh cause it's just so funny
That I can't even see anyone when he's with me
He says he's so in love, he's finally got it right,
I wonder if he knows he's all I think about at night

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do

Drew walks by me, can he tell that I can't breathe?
And there he goes, so perfectly,
The kind of flawless I wish I could be
She'd better hold him tight, give him all her love
Look in those beautiful eyes and know she's lucky cause

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do

So I drive home alone, as I turn out the light
I'll put his picture down and maybe
Get some sleep tonight

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do
He's the time taken up, but there's never enough
And he's all that I need to fall into..

Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see

I can't help it. I feel like I'm back in high school again. =(

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Rainy Days

Despite the summer heat outside, it seems like hard rain has been pouring over my life the past weekend.

Sunday was relatively peaceful. I attended Palm Sunday mass at Greenbelt church. I have started going to mass regularly for the past 3 Sundays now. After mass, I spent some time alone reading a book. That place is beautiful. Sunday mornings, when there is no mall crowd but just church-goers, give me quiet moments in that otherwise noisy mall. I got home at midday and I was able to catch on sleep.

Greenbelt church

When I woke up Monday morning, I learned from my sister that my grandmother was rushed to the hospital again. She was vomiting blood. I had the idea that it was severe gastric ulcer because of her medical history. My mother flew to Bacolod Monday afternoon to visit my Lola. Lola has started pooping blood as well. As of this blog entry, she is in the ICU and has been transfused with 5 bags of blood. I hope and pray that everything is going to be alright. Whatever God chooses to do for my grandmother, I just pray for strength for my family. When in stress, Mama doesn't sleep and eat. My siblings and I have been reminding her to put some food in her stomach otherwise her own ulcer may be aggravated.

Let me rewind a little bit. Monday morning was my sister's Oath Taking ceremony. My parents were supposed to go. Of course, it was a milestone for her. I can remember my own Oath Taking a few years back and it was an unforgettable moment. Because of what happened to my Lola, my mother decided not to go. I was going to take her place instead. I saw my sister's sad face and I knew I had to convince my mother to go. Even if it means us (my brother and I) buying her tickets for her and bringing her luggage to SMX (oath-taking ceremeny venue) so she can go directly to the airport. Since my mother is just going to take advantage of cheaper priced tickets, she said she had to be at the airport really early and that means missing my sister's oath taking. I was really disappointed and I was angry too. My first thought was, how can my mother choose to go to the province over my sister's Oath Taking ceremony? Her decision just goes to show what her priorities are. So, we went on with it. The ceremony was, for the most part, touching. I can't help but think that my mother was supposed to be in my place beside my father. But after the updates that we are getting from Bacolod, with all the things going on with my grandmother, I felt guilty of thinking that way. Yes, my mother had a choice and I just realized she would have loved to be there for my sister but my grandmother can't wait. I can just imagine how torn she was then. She had to make a decision. I am so sorry.

Papa and sis

with Papa

with sis

Monday evening, I received another sad news. Tien Dalao, a good friend from way back in my Montalban (Rizal) rotation days, a very lively and sunny personality, a smart, young, creative, sexy and sassy girl, a gifted Occupation Therapist, someone who would never fail to light up another person's day, passed away from pneumonia complications. I was flabbergasted! I mean, she just posted some comments on my blog a few weeks back. OMG. I felt numb. I was in a meeting that time and I just felt like I was lost for a moment. I didn't know how to react. I asked when the burial date is and my college classmate told me she had no idea and we have to call the funeral home. OMG. I mean, how could that happen? It's summer already and I was looking forward to her pictures on her blog! I wanted to see more pictures of her, the people and places she would have seen. I can imagine her surfing or just being a beach bum somewhere remote and untouched. I'm going to miss her and the way she always makes people, especially her special "kids" happy.

pretty girl

Tien in Batanes

I stole these pics (some of her latest) from her Xanga site. I hope she doesn't mind. I know she's probably smiling where she is right now. She has touched a lot of lives. Her mission in this world was complete. I am going to miss her wonderful pictures and deep thoughts. I am going to miss her.

Tonight, I am going back to work. I will momentarily forget the craziness the weekend brought me. I will now have to focus on the uncertainties of my so-called career. Life must go on as they say. But I know it will never be the same again..

Thursday, March 06, 2008

Maroon 5: Sexy Time!

I just came from the Maroon 5 "It Won't Be Soon Before Long" concert. Whew!

Let me just catch my breath...


Ok, I like the band and their songs and my sister adores lusts for Adam Levine. There was this Maroon 5 interview in the "Rolling Stones" magazine and according to that interview, Adam has an ego befitting a rockstar. When I saw them perform live, I have to agree-- HE IS A ROCKSTAR! He's scorching, hormone-raging HOTT! Gawd!!! =p

I promised myself not to rave when I blog about this but I can't help it. The tickets were expensive compared to the usual ticket prices for foreign artists, but when I saw the stage and the performance, I knew it was worth it. My sis even said that they probably brought everything-- from stage props to lights, etc. (thus the expensive tickets) because everything was in sync to the music. The lights were so cool! I think she might be right.

They sang about 15 songs. "About" because there was a half song sang and it wasn't theirs. The performance lasted for about one and a half hours. It started late but at least Araneta Coliseum was almost filled up. They sang 3 of my fave songs-- "She Will Be Loved", "Won't Go Home Without You" and "Sunday Morning" so I am quite happy with that. I wish they could have added "Back At Your Door" but I can't ask for too much. The new drummer was great too. Of course, Mr. Levine couldn't stop introducing Mr. Valentine but then again, I have to say he was awesome! And Adam Levine! OMG! He was just sensual! Black sleeveless shirt, black skinny jeans, black leather boots, tattoos, good looks, the works! Yes, he's a good singer, he dances well (I call him "crazy legs" because of that) and he can still hit those high notes while performing live. But when he smiles (everytime the audience shouts or sings along), when he poses and strums his guitar, girls swoon! They ended with "Sweetest Goodbye" and Adam's rockin' solo. I think my sister cried. Hahaha! We were so glad he chose music over his basketball career. =)

My sister told me to view this "Soap Disco" video of Kara's Flowers (previous name of Maroon 5) and Adam looks more like a basketball star here. I think he's just 17 when this video was taken. He has always been a looker. Here it is. Enjoy! =)