Give Me Something

You give me something
That makes me scared alright
This could be nothing
But I'm willing to give it a try

~* "You Give Me Something", James Morrison *~


I've been sick since I got back from Bacolod-- cough, sniffles, sore throat, you name it. I blame it on overfatigue and lack of sleep. Work's not helping either. I wonder if this is gonna improve. I would like to stay positive and think that it will, career-wise. I am still as lost, if not even more lost, than before. But after going through the real-life drama of losing a loved-one, the roller coaster ride of family issues and problems, I am still glad to be here. I just wish that my existence will really make an impact on other people, if not on myself.


Our trip to my grandmother's house the past weekend brought about a mixture of emotions. I was sad because she passed away. I was sad because I kept seeing my mother cry. I was sad because I kept seeing my aunts and uncles cry. I cried myself. But I was also happy because it was like a mini-reunion of my relatives from my mother's side of the family. They were all complete including my nephews and nieces, cousins, second-cousins, long lost relatives, long-lost friends, long-lost neighbors and even relatives I didn't even know existed! Seeing everyone there, making up for lost time, sharing stories and even forgiving and forgetting that they even have existing arguments made the stay there more bearable.


It also happened to be the final weekend of the Bacolod MassKara Festival. My siblings and I went to the city proper to catch a glimpse of it. It was the first time for my sister. We didn't stay long because we lacked the time and the crowd was too much to handle when we got there. If it were another time and circumstance, I would have enjoyed and every minute of it! I wish I could go back there for a real and a long vacation, hopefully someday.


I just wish the world could stop turning just for an hour or so and I'll just stay still and ponder on what I am doing and where I am now. Having gone through a whirlwind of experiences these past few days made me reflect on life more and appreciate what I have more. Yes, even if I do complain most of the time. =)


I am grateful to all my friends, relatives, co-workers, everyone who gave their condolences, shared their sympathy and tried to comfort my family in any way. Thank you all!

See you on the Flipside!

I am so confused by this
I know that life is hit or miss
Days are stung by too much sun
I think that you may be the one
~ "Story" by Maroon 5


After the crazy TC5 (The Click Five) fever sweeping the city, the mall-hopping weekend and work (of course), I’m back!


I got no pictures yet though. Maybe I’ll upload them soon. =)


This blog will be in hiatus for the next few days. I’m leaving tomorrow and I can’t wait to be off from work for a long time! Maybe this is just what I need. I haven’t had this long a vacation in years. Work’s been taking its stressful toll on me lately… I guess it’s not just work. There are some things I keep thinking even if they’re just really a waste of my time… but I don’t want to dwell on it.


Anyway, I just read Stephenie Meyer’s “Twilight”. I doubt if I’m ever going to settle from anything less than Edward Cullen himself. Hahaha! I think this is the second time I felt like sacrificing my mortality to be a bloodsucker’s victim. The first one was after reading Anne Rice’s Vampire Chronicles. Hahaha! I love fiction. It makes life more enchanting. =)


Maybe there’s an Edward Cullen in the City of Smiles ? Who knows? Daydream believer! Haha!


See ya all soon! =)

The Time of My Life

I have read blog articles and news about American Idol, David Cook being a pop artist posing as a rocker. They say that coming from American Idol, he will have difficulty penetrating the rock scene similar to what Chris Daughtry experienced. They say it's gonna be more difficult for him since he bagged first place and AI is such a pop tv program. I don't know why people like to put labels and stereotypes. Music should be universal and there shouldn't be any delineations in the first place. I, for example, am not just into pure pop. I also like alternative, rock, RnB, whatever suits my fancy. If the song is good and the artist has talent, I support them. Some artists don't even belong in just one music type or genre. Some songs may be considered pop/RnB/soul all at the same time.


Music is for everyone and as long as David Cook makes good music-- whether pop or rock, there will always be people who would support him and I think, that's what matters. =)


The first time I heard "The Time of My Life", I already loved the lyrics. This song is going to be David Cook's first single. It has been on repeat on my playlist for the past couple of days now. I know a lot of people are also searching for that "magic rainbow on the horizon", so a lot can relate to it. The song is inspiring and I really hope Cookie visits the country one of these days. I'm not gonna miss that for sure. =)


In other news, an actor, Rob Knox, who played Ravenclaw student Marcus Belby in the latest Harry Potter movie "Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince", was stabbed to death in a bar. According to the articles I read online, he was protecting his brother and it all started with a mobile phone. Tsk tsk. Life is pretty unpredictable.


The next few days will breeze by, I'm sure. I am facing some decision-making situations and I am trying to weigh all the odds before making a choice. June 6 is nearly here. I still am anxious and excited at the same time. I haven't packed my bags yet. I know I still have a lot of work to do before leaving for Bacolod. I'll just take this a day at a time.


The Time of My Life
(by David Cook)


I've been waiting for my dreams to turn into something
I could believe in and looking for that
Magic rainbow on the horizon
I couldn't see it until I let go
Gave into love I watched all the bitterness burn
Now I'm coming alive body and soul
And feelin' my world start to turn


And I'll taste every moment and live it out loud
I know this is the time, this is the time
To be more than a name or a face in the crowd
I know this is the time this is the time of my life
The time of my life


Holding onto things that vanished into the air
Would left me in pieces but now I'm rising from the ashes
Finding my wings and all that I needed
Was there all along within my reach
As close as the beat of my heart


So I'll taste every moment and live it out loud
I know this is the time, this is the time to be
More than a name or a face in the crowd
I know this is the time this is the time of my life
The time of my life

And I'm out on the edge of forever ready to run
I'm keeping my feet on the ground
My arms open wide facing the sun


I'll taste every moment and live it out loud
I know this is the time, this is the time to be
More than a name or a face in the crowd
I know this is the time this is the time of my life
Time of my life
More than a name or a face in the crowd
I know this is the time this is the time of my life.
This is the time of my life.

There's a Fine, Fine Line

A friend reminded me of this song last night. I first heard it when I watched Avenue Q (locally, of course) with Ian a few months ago and I fell in love with the song right then and there.


Here's Kate Monster and Mary Faber singing the song. It's one of the videos I found in Youtube.





There's a fine, fine line between a lover and a friend;
There's a fine, fine line between reality and pretend;
And you never know 'til you reach the top if it was worth the uphill climb.
There's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of time.


There's a fine, fine line between a fairy tale and a lie;
And there's a fine, fine line between "You're wonderful" and "Goodbye."
I guess if someone doesn't love you back it isn't such a crime,
But there's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of your time.


And I don't have the time to waste on you anymore.
I don't think that you even know what you're looking for.
For my own sanity, I've got to close the door
And walk away...
Oh...


There's a fine, fine line between together and not
And there's a fine, fine line between what you wanted and what you got.
You gotta go after the things you want while you're still in your prime...
There's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of time.


You said it all, Kate Monster. Now,let's give each other a hug. *hugs* =)

"Drew"

My sister said the lyrics are so high-school! Hahaha! But this is how I feel. It's almost perfect, really. I just have to change the name "Drew". I heard it being played several times before while I get ready for work. That night I came from the wake, I was in the cab going to work again when the song played. I just looked out the window and listened to the lyrics. Yes, I've been loving this song lately. I wonder if "Drew" will ever realize it?


Teardrops on my Guitar
(by Taylor Swift)


Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see
That I want and I'm needing everything that we should be
I'll bet she's beautiful, that girl he talks about
And she's got everything that I have to live without


Drew talks to me, I laugh cause it's just so funny
That I can't even see anyone when he's with me
He says he's so in love, he's finally got it right,
I wonder if he knows he's all I think about at night


He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do


Drew walks by me, can he tell that I can't breathe?
And there he goes, so perfectly,
The kind of flawless I wish I could be
She'd better hold him tight, give him all her love
Look in those beautiful eyes and know she's lucky cause


He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do


So I drive home alone, as I turn out the light
I'll put his picture down and maybe
Get some sleep tonight


He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do
He's the time taken up, but there's never enough
And he's all that I need to fall into..

Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see


I can't help it. I feel like I'm back in high school again. =(

Something to Blame

Now that it's all said and done,
I can't believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down,
Like an old abandoned house.*


Pardon the sentimental mood. I think the weather's at it again. Since I'm bored and I don't wanna spend more time punishing myself by listening to heart-wrenching songs, I took this quiz:

What Karen Kristie Means

You are a seeker of knowledge, and you have learned many things in your life. You are also a keeper of knowledge - meaning you don't spill secrets or spread gossip. People sometimes think you're snobby or aloof, but you're just too deep in thought to pay attention to them. You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality. You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something. You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense. You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun. You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone. You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together. At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together. You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people. You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts. You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals. You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing. You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long. You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start. You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong. You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know. You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do. You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless - and you have a lot of questions about life. You tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. You're most comfortable when you're far away from home. You are quite passionate and easily tempted. Your impulses sometimes get you into trouble.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

Oh so it's not the weather! It's my name I have to blame. Paranoid and jealous. Fits me to a T! Hahaha! I guess this is true in a way. *sigh*


* "Over You" by Chris Daughtry

Bang the Doldrums!

Can't get this off my head...


And I cast a spell over the west
To make you think of me
Say wait I think of you
This is a love song in my own way
I believe that the rest is below the waist
Best friends
Ex-friends to the end
Better off as lovers...*


And not the other way around? What the heck?! I. Have. To. Move. On.


I think I better watch a movie to distract myself.


* "Bang the Doldrums" by Fall Out Boy

The Break's Over

"The perfect words never crossed my mind,
'cause there was nothing in there but you,
I felt every ounce of me screaming out,
But the sound was trapped deep in me,
All I wanted just sped right past me,
While I was rooted fast to the earth,
I could be stuck here for a thousand years,
Without your arms to drag me out..."*


I finally like a guy who's straight and I can't get him off my mind!


Too bad he's taken. That's just sad.


Now, back to regular programming... Nuninuninu... =)


* "Signal Fire" by Snow Patrol

Music and Men

I need some distraction... oh a beautiful release...


Fireworks at SM Mall of Asia






Fall Out Boy autograph signing
21 September 2007, SM Mall of Asia



view of the stage



view from the 2nd floor



autographed CD inlay



falling for the boys


Sponge Cola at the Candy Fair
22 September 2007, NBC Tent, The Fort



Yael



Armo (and Chris)



Chris and Jillian



Chris's stormtrooper tattoo



soundtripping with my sis

Wanting

The words that would mend the things that were broken
But now it's far too late, she's gone away
Every night you cry yourself to sleep
Thinking: "Why does this happen to me?
Why does every moment have to be so hard?"
Hard to believe that
It's not over tonight
Just give me one more chance to make it right
~* "Won't Go Home Without You" by Maroon 5 *~


I am back to work and back to the usual routine. I'm just glad I have weekends off. I wish I have more rest days so I can sleep longer. Wishiful thinking, I know.


I went to TriNoma last Saturday to meet a friend who gave me some meds and fruits for my father. It was my first time there because it's far from my home and office. The place is huge! It's nice too. It's not yet complete but I'm sure it's gonna be more beautiful when it's finished. Going there and spending time with my friend gave me a much-needed distraction.


I also want to go to the beach or to some place cold because it's too hot to be September here. I want to watch some gigs coz I miss listening to live music. I want to travel. I want to love and be all romantic again. I want someone to hug me. Maybe that's the reason why I want to have a dog but I know my parents won't want to have a pet dog. I want to be free-- free of responsibilities, free of burdens, free of worries, free of debts, free of nagging thoughts and restess sleep. I'm just tired. I want to fly.


Some of my snapshots of the week:



Makati Ave. corner Gil Puyat Ave.
view from the 17th floor



Makati City (city hall jutting on the left side)
view from the 17th floor


Found this cutie in Bioresearch Glorietta and I can't help but take some pics:

Trying...

Sometimes the best isn't enough.

You Have Good Manners 67% of the Time

Your manners are quite excellent. You are well versed in etiquette. Of course you have the occasional slip up, but you even apologize with grace.

How Are Your Manners?

Lately, my manners are missing. These aren't just the occasional slip-ups. I noticed that I have been lashing back at some hapless victim, usually a friend or family member, as if I were some trapped animal. I guess that's what I am-- trapped. I'm just glad they (hopefully) understand. I apologize if you were one of those I have been impatient with for the past few days.

Guys Like That You're Sensitive

And not in that "cry at a drop of a hat" sort of way You just get most guys - even if you're not trying to Guys find it is easy to confide in you and tell you their secrets No wonder you tend to get close quickly in relationships!

What Do Guys Like About You?

No, I am not ready for another relationship. Yes, I am trying to convince myself that. A crush is just a crush. Nothing more. Nothing less. To those who are curious as to what happened to the 4-year "relationship", here are snippets of the song that closely describes what I'm feeling right now.


I've been up, down, tryin' to get the feeling again
All around, tryin' to get the feeling again
The one that made me shiver
Made my knees start to quiver
...
Where did it run to? I thought I'd done all that I could
Just to keep the love light burnin'
But whatever I've done, guess I just haven't done it too good
'cause all that's left is
...
And I've looked high and low
And everywhere I possibly can
But there's no tryin' to get the feelin' again
It seemed to disappear as fast as it came
...
~* "Trying to Get the Feeling Again" by Barry Manilow *~

Falling Apart

I've been twisting and turning,
In a space that's too small.
I've been drawing the line and watching it fall,
You've been closing me in, closing the space in my heart.
Watching us fading and watching it all fall apart.
Well I can't explain why it's not enough,
Cause I gave it all to you.
And if you leave me now, oh just leave me now.
Its the better thing to do,
Its time to surrender,
Its been to long pretending.
Theres no use in trying,
When the pieces dont fit anymore,
Pieces don't fit here anymore.
~* "The Pieces Don't Fit Anymore" by James Morrison *~


I probably shouldn't have chosen a movie date. Maybe we should have gone some place where we could have talked things over. Maybe it was because I was mad even before the date had begun. Maybe because I was disappointed (again). Or maybe because I was distracted by an emo Tobey Maguire, a gorgeous James Franco or a venomous Topher Grace. Haha!


Maybe it was just "us". It was a futile attempt to make everything ok. I wish it was easy to make things the same as before. I'm really sorry.

Emo Check

[NOTE: I haven't been blogging lately. Modem's broken. :(]


Beautiful dawn - melt with the stars again.
Do you remember the day when my journey began?
("High" by James Blunt)


I can't explain it. Maybe it's stress. Maybe I'm just thinking too much. Maybe it's the time of the month. I don't know. It sucks. Really sucks me into a sort-of void...


I've tried changing a bit of my work sched. For the first time last week, I went to work on a Saturday. I'll be doing that for 2 more Saturdays this month because I agreed to swap a day off with a friend. I have no idea what had gotten into me. I have never done that before. I guess I need to break the pattern. I need spontaneity. It was our batch's anniversary last March 7th. I've been working there for 2 years now-- the longest I've worked in a company so far. I have a lot of rants about it but I better place those in my private blog to keep off any "unwanted" readers. Anyway, if I don't need the money, I'd probably give myself at least a week's worth of break. Besides, it's summer already in this part of the world. I need some fresh air, more sun and lots of water...


My mind's been wandering lately. I'm still doing my usual daily routine but I feel like something's not right. I need something to put me back to the ground. I feel lost.


Running in circles, coming in tails
Heads on a science apart
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Aww take me back to the start
( "The Scientist" by Coldplay)


On a lighter note, my sister's graduating this month! Whoopee! Congratulations to my parents for letting us all finish college! Woohoo! Hehe! Time flies fast. I wish her the best. :)

You Mostly Have Your Emotions in Check

Sometimes your emotions get out of control, but you usually are a pretty stable person. You can find a lot to be happy about, as long as things are going your way. But if a few bad things happen to you, you tend to go in a bit of a downward spiral. Luckily, you usually come out of it okay and no worse for the wear.

Can You Keep Your Emotions in Check?

Grounded

You Are Pretty Happy

You generally have a happy, fulfilling life. But things could be a little better, and deep down, you know it. Maybe you need more supportive friends or a more challenging career. Something is preventing you from being totally happy. You just need to figure out what it is!

How Happy Are You, Really?

Am I happy?
Maybe not
But I never want to lose what I've got
I wouldn't trade it
For anything dear to my heart*


I have always believed that being with friends who love me for who I am makes me stay grounded. I don't have to pretend to be someone I'm not. I don't need to create lies or exaggerate stories just to impress them. I don't need to make an extra effort to belong because being with real friends gives me a sense of comfort and a feeling of being "at home".


I have a set of close friends at work. They make the long, grueling hours of my shift worth it whenever we get to share some stories and laughs at the end of the day. They are the ones who can listen to me when I need to rant and vent about issues concerning work and family as well. A good thing about my friends at work is we get to know the real person behind the character we show in the office. I miss out of town trips with them too.



"Bear family": Welcome to the Black Parade
More pictures here.


I also have friends in my "geeky circle" in NWA where I am a part of a lot of groups. People call us weird, nerds, geeks or whatever but when we get together during conventions or meetings, I feel I belong. These friends understand why I have to squeal or sigh everytime my fave sci-fi/fantasy hero comes on screen or why I can't wait for the next episode of "Lost" or next installment of a certain movie. They understand why I need to discuss events in a book or a movie or a TV program or why I call my collectibles and books "my preciousss". They understand and they don't judge. That's why I'm looking forward to the next NWA Sci-Fi and Fantasy Convention this July. NWA Events photo albums here.


Sometimes the weather can be rain
Now when will there be sunny again
Behind the clouds on the line
It's just another sunny day...*


Change is a part of growing up and getting old. The good thing about keeping friends is that whatever changes I go through and whoever I become, they'll accept me for who I am. Last month, I met with a couple of close friends from college. I can say they are two of the people who knew me when I was growing up and struggling with the toxicity of college life in UP-CAMP. I'm glad to say they still know me now that we're nearing our 30's... Aaack! Time flies fast! We plan on having this mini-reunion every month and I hope this pushes through. Right now, we hope that we'll get to have some bonding time out of town just to escape the rat race in the city.



after 2 pitchers of Zombie
More pictures here.


I am always grateful I have friends, wherever they may be and whatever they may do.


The pop of the cork and
The clink of the glass
We toast to the future and
We drink to the past
It might not be easy but nevertheless
These are the best days of our lives
These are the times that we'll never forget
These are the best days of our lives.*


* "Best Days" by Juice

Don't Leave This Place

My sis left again for Ternate, Cavite this morning. She'll be there for 3 weeks. Good thing, she'll be here the day before my father's birthday, so it's something I'm looking forward to. I swear we'll go get foot spas and pedicures and watch Sponge Cola gigs (if there is one near our place) to make it up. I think we both deserve those. Haha!


I'm feeling better compared to yesterday. I hope this keeps up.


I heard my sis listening to this Sponge Cola song last night before I went to work. Here are a few lines I like:





Common sense of the morning
As mere remnants of the past
Little nothings left behind
Back then we would talk, and we’d talk
And we’d talk about, how real it could be
I wish i could stay


Repaint my orange sky
Squeeze it out and i’ll
Keep it all together
Hold it in forever
Where our lives were once entwined
I wish i could stay
Keep it all together
Hold it in forever
Where our lives were once entwined
Wish i could stay
Were only just passing thru
Were just passing thru
Where our lives were once entwined
Wish i could stay
Dream of something better
Dream of something bigger


~* "Don't Leave This Place" by Sponge Cola *~

Happy Christmas!

I woke up a couple of hours ago. It's really nice having a 3-day weekend since I was on leave last Friday. I spent most day yesterday watching Season 1 of Lost. My sis, who is home for the holidays, and I went to mass last night. We had 2 guests at home and the food was delicious. I have work tonight but I still am looking forward to a few more days off this week. It's nearly 2007. How time flies fast! :)



pic taken by my sister


This is one of my fave Christmas songs:


My Grown Up Christmas List


Do you remember me
I sat upon your knee
I wrote to you
With childhood fantasies


Well, I'm all grown up now
And still need help somehow
I'm not a child
But my heart still can dream


So here's my lifelong wish
My grown up christmas list
Not for myself
But for a world in need


No more lives torn apart
And wars would never start
And time would heal all hearts
And everyone would have a friend
And right would always win
And love would never end
This is my grown up christmas list


As children we believed
The grandest sight to see
Was something lovely
Wrapped beneath our tree


Well heaven only knows
That packages and bows
Can never heal
A hurting human soul


No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
And time would heal all hearts
And everyone would have a friend
And right would always win
And love would never end
This is my grown up christmas list


What is this illusion called the innocence of youth
Maybe only in our blind belief can we ever find the truth


Have a Merry (and Pippin) Christmas everyone! God bless!

Unwritten

This is more than just a commercial background music. This song means a lot to me and my sister. Whenever I'm missing her, I listen to it.





I am unwritten,
Can't read my mind
I'm undefined
I'm just beginning
The pen's in my hand
Ending unplanned


Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words
That you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten


~* some lines from "Unwritten" by Natasha Bedingfield *~