Thursday, April 21, 2005

my so-called love life

Ha? May boyfriend ka na?

That was the reaction I got when I opened up a bit of my love life to my officemates. When Mama Gene did not make it to the Ops, I felt her absence more when realized I had no one to hang out with anymore. I did not feel comfortable yet being myself with the "new" officemates. Sometimes I couldn't "ride" their sense of humor and I couldn't open serious topics about what's going on with my life.

But last Friday I started crawling out of my shell when we had our first batch "gimmick". Weird that they were surprised when I told them I have someone special. I mean, when I was in college, people were surpised if they learn I had no boyfriend since birth. I haven't even had my first kiss until I was 22! One of my officemates even joked, "Sayang papaligawan pa naman sana kita kay *bleep*". I just laughed it off. If they only knew...

Probably that happened because I've been mostly quiet about that topic since I, too, am confused myself. I have a "relationship" but not really. I have a "boyfriend" but not really. My parents don't even know about it although we have been dating more than two years ago (at least that's what I know. I think Ma has an inkling but she's smart enough to shut up and let me take my time.) Many are asking when I will finally tell my parents about "us", I always answer with I don't know. Probably when we're both ready. "Ready" for me means we both are financially stable. With the rate of how our so-called careers are going, I don't think that's going to be in the near future. I mean, I'm the breadwinner and if you're my parent you wouldn't want a man whisk your daughter, the breadwinner, away into some paradise and leave you alone, right?

We have a weird setup. It's like we're having a long-distance relationship but not really since he's living in a nearby city, just an hour ride away. But our schedules don't usually meet and I'll be lucky if we get to meet each other once a week. He's busy with work and usually he's too tired after that. Same goes with me. If we meet usually it's on a weekend after payday. So, we only go out on the average of twice a month. Patago pa ito ha. I haven't experienced the hatid-sundo from the office. I wonder how it would feel being with someone special everyday. I would have liked that. Yes, we do call each other or text each other but it's different. With this setup, we are also open to dating. It's like an unwritten law between us. But as far as I'm concerned, the only male I dated ever since we got together was my best gay pal. No worries.

After sharing this with my newfound friends, I got a barrage of questions. I think this is the first time I've posted this much info about him in my blog, so here goes:

So, you think he's "the one"?

No. I don't see him as the partner I'm walking the aisle with. That is, if ever I get to that point in my life. Blurred pa yung part na yun so wala pa sa utak ko ang mga plano na yan.

Eh ano ginagawa nyo kung hindi ka pala sure na kayo na nga? Bakit pa kayo magkasama?

Hindi naman kasi ako yung tipo na magbo-boyfriend para pakasalan agad. Kung sya na, sya na pero sa ngayon ayoko pa mag-plano. I'm too young for that at marami pa akong gustong gawin sa buhay. Although don't get me wrong, 'di sya fling lang if we lasted for more than 2 years...

Hindi ba kayo nag-aaway?

Nag-aaway pero nagbabati naman. Ako naman lagi umaaway dun kasi insecure ako. Hehe! Ok sya kasi naintindihan nya yung moods ko at mature sya mag-isip. Tsaka feeling ko kaya kami nagtagal kasi nga bihira lang kami magkita. Masaya pag magkikita kami kasi miss na namin isa't-isa. Pero siguro kung araw-araw kami nagkikita, matagal na kaming hiwalay.

Pero it's just a waste of your time.

No it's not. Coz I'm happy when I'm with him and I'm enjoying those moments. I'm not in this situation by making marriage my goal. It's the journey that makes it worthwhile. Pag hindi kami in the future, eh di hindi. Pero no regrets.

So, pwede kang makipag-date sa iba?

Ok lang. Date lang naman eh. Pero andun lagi yung thought na if I get to know a new guy, I couldn't help but compare. Pano kung wala na akong mahanap na tulad nya? Or pano kung meron pa palang mas "worthy" na mamahalin kesa kanya? Love is a risk.

A lot "more private" questions followed. =)

So, what do I call "us"? Open relationship? Ewan. As long as I'm happy with this setup, I don't think it's a problem. Life's too short to worry about that.


kukote said...

hi! may naalala lang ako, ganyan din setup namin dati, we lasted for 4 years. pero hindi rin kami nagkatuluyan... well, just want to say good luck!

~*galenlondeien*~ said...

hi there! thanks! really appreciate that. we'll see what the future brings then. :)