13 July 2003
I thought I'll have a great weekend. As planned we watched a movie and ate lunch together to celebrate our fourth month. Too bad he had to go home right after we ate since his relatives were coming over to his place. I was upset. (I know, I know. Selfish me.) We ended up not in good terms. I was just asking for a few minutes with him and he couldn't spare it. So, instead of going back home, I told him to go home and I stayed for an hour more alone in the mall. I needed that time for myself. I've given him all I have. All I ask for is his company and his time. Somehow he couldn't even give that to me.
I made it sure he knows what I felt. I am not breaking up with him. I am not ready yet. But this sure gives me more doubts in my mind. He promised he'll make it up to me. We'll see.
Then I got a message from my previous crush (yeah, my classmate during review). He just gave me an update of his life. Like me, he has an office job and he was asking for my opinion if it was ok not to practice our profession. Told him we are not giving it up. We're just waiting for the right opportunity. It's hard coz we are made to choose another option but told him I'm glad I have a job that pays. I'd still want to be a PT though. Then he apologized for not greeting me during my birthday. He said he was busy with his training right now. But he'll treat me out when he gets his first pay. (Yaiks!) Told him no need to do it. He said he has to return the book he borrowed from me. So I said okay.
"And there's no cure, no way to be sure
Where everything's turned inside out
But still in so much doubt
It makes me so tired I feel so uninspired
My head is battling with my heart
My logic has been torn apart..."
~Bic Runga, "Sway"