Addiction

I am comfortable with him. Then I just realized I'm getting too attached. Why? Because I get overly concerned about his problems--- problems that I should not be worrying about in the first place. It feels like I can't live without thinking about him for an hour. I need to see him. Before, once a week was enough. Now, I want to see him more often than that. I dunno why I'm feeling this way. I mean, I've done stupid things for him, I am aware of that, and I can't seem to correct myself. Do I really need correcting? Or should I go with what my thoughts and feelings tell me? Is love this addicting?

Sometimes I feel selfish. I know I have accepted him and I love him for what he is. But sometimes people do carry excess baggage. We have to live with that. Although I have tried to tell myself that it does not really matter coz I love him, sometimes it does. I mean, I get jealous when he spends time with his family and loved ones and I, of all people, know what family responsibilities mean. Isn't that pathetic?

It's like I need to know what's happening to him everyday. I dunno. Sometimes I pick fights with him for the shallowest reasons. He knows when I'm mad and he apologizes even if we both know it was me who started it. Sometimes I wonder if I have already "strangled" him to a point where I am not giving him space to breathe anymore.

I’m feeling nervous
Trying to be so perfect
Cause I know you’re worth it
You’re worth it
If I could say what I want to say
I'd say I wanna blow you... away
Be with you every night
Am I squeezing you too tight
If I could say what I want to see
I want to see you go down
On one knee
Marry me today
Guess, I’m wishing my life away
With these things I’ll never say
~"Thing's I'll Never Say", Avril Lavigne