Alcohol 2
(a.k.a. "Love Sucks" Day : more personal version)

This is somewhat a blow by blow account of what transpired in my pathetic love life for the past 24 hours. I was thinking at first to post this in my personal blog instead. But I guess since I'll be telling the truth it won't be a problem in case persons involved in this entry get to read this. I won't be mentioning names anyways. Tagalog words were used to make it more real. Again, if you're not interested to read this, then don't. It's more for my friends out there who I rarely see or talk to. I am also hoping my parents won't get to read this. Hehehe!

I always know when he gets to drink too much just from reading his replies to my text messages. There would always be some "flaws" in his replies that would make me feel like something's not normal. I knew last night he was drinking while he told me to take care on my way to work (about 9:30PM). It's not actually a big deal. I mean, I've been in that situation several times before. We've been together for almost eight months now and I've always had that "detective instinct". Since I'm a Cancer, I always trust my instincts.

So I replied, "Dahan-dahan lang sa pag-inom ha."
He was surprised and asked me why I knew. He tried to deny it at first, but later I learned the culprit was J&B (yeah, that friggin' scotch whiskey). He was with his cousin blah-blah-blah...
Then later there was a missed call from him.
I asked why he made the call. No answer. Maybe he was already asleep.
Like I said, no big deal. I'm used to it.

On the other hand, I got this email from a friend (friend 1) at about 1:30AM. She is having problems with her love life. Another case of one-way street love thing. I told her almost everyone has gone through that stage-- fall in love with someone who does not feel the same way. I've been there dozens of times when I was still studying. But I hope this I'll get to see this friend soon. Coz I know she would want to talk about this. And I miss her.

Then later, I got a text message from another friend (friend 2) at about 3:00AM. She said she's falling head-over-heels in love with someone, but there are some complications. She does not want to fall in love anymore. Then I thought why not meet with friends 1 and 2 so we can talk about these love problems they have. But unfortunately, this friend 2 is busy also and we still don't know when our work schedules would allow us to see each other.

I was thinking what was wrong with this day. Was it "Love Sucks Day"? Then I thought, lucky me. I have someone who loves me.

Morning came, at about 6:30AM I sent him my usual morning message. His head was aching. I thought so. He always gets a bad hang-over after a late night drinking spree. Before I would always be concerned. I used to tell him to sleep some more or drink hot coffee, but now I told him, "Sanay ka na naman dyan eh."

I dunno if that's what started it. Here's our exchange of messages:

ME: What time ka ba uwi mamaya? Kita sana tayo for lunch.
HIM: Sana sinabi mo kahapon pa. (Bakit? Para hindi na sya uminom at umiwas sa hang-over? As if. I just wanna do spontaneous things in our relationship. I think it spices the relationship and it prevents boredom to settle in.)
ME: Sorry ha, ngayon ko lang naman naisip kasi magpapa-check up ako sa doctor ngayon. Pwede pala tayo magkita bago ka man lang umuwi.
HIM: May mga susunod na araw pa naman eh. (This time I was thinking, what the hell, ako na lang ba lagi mag-iinitiate ng dates namin? At ako pa ang weekends lang libre ha.)
ME (in a joking manner): Meron pa ba? Hehehe! *insert smiley face*
HIM: Ewan ko sayo! Bahala ka na nga dyan. Masakit ulo ko.

Then my world suddenly stopped... Maybe for about 5 minutes I was just staring at that reply. I dunno what to do. I did not cry but it hurts so much. (Now, while I'm typing about it, it's making me cry... Or maybe because Avril Lavigne's "Why" is playing on the background right now.)

Then I felt angry.

ME: Wag mong ibunton ang galit sa akin dahil hindi ako ang may kasalanan na may hang-over ka.

No reply. For about 2 hours already, I was waiting for a reply. I thought I'd call him or send him a message. I did not. I do not know what to do.

It's not supposed to hurt this way. I need you, I need you, more and more each day...