Life's a Stage

I am here at work now, not wanting to be here but needing to be here. Aside from financial reasons, I also need a distraction. This day turned out to be more than what I expected.

SCENE 1:
About 8:30AM
ME: (calling work) Hello? Yeah, I'll be working tonight about 9-10PM.
WORK: Ok. You're expected by then. Bye!

SCENE 2:
About 9:00AM
After promising my sister a movie today...

MA: May I borrow money?
ME: Uh... I only have P2,000 left from my salary...
MA: I'll pay you first week of December. You're brother needs new shoes.
ME: (thinking) He brought his shoes last June. I bought my last pair 4 years ago! (out loud) Um... ok.

Scene 3:
I went to talk to my sis.
ME: Hey, we can't watch a movie today, sorry. I don't have money left for movies. Ma borrowed my money.
SIS: I was planning to get a pierce for my right ear!
ME: You can do it some other time.
SIS: But I need a companion. Oh well.. ok. It's up to you...

Scene 4:
I had a brilliant idea of borrowing VCD's instead and just watch them at home so I can still sleep before going to work. So my sis and I went to the nearest video rental shop, then bought some snacks for my parents and my sibs. I told myself I can watch until 5PM and I can sleep until 8PM.

Scene 5:
About 2:45PM
We got home.
ME: Pa, we bought snacks for us!
PA: Good.

I turned on the TV when suddenly...
PA: I'll be watching wrestling at 3PM.
ME: (really irritated because I seldom watch TV due to my anti-social schedule at work) You could have told me so we could have watched a movie instead. I have to return the VCD tomorrow!
PA: I did not get to watch wrestling because your mom watched Miss Earth and I was waiting for it the whole week.
ME: (thinking sarcastically) How could I rob the poor fellow of his wrestling match if it means the whole world to him? Oh well, if I'm used to NOT watching TV, why not give in now? I mean, I only watch the 30-minute "Sex and the City" a week and I missed that for the last two weeks too, so why not just go to sleep instead?

Stupid to argue. So, I turned off the TV and locked myself in our room. My stomach was not willing to take any food after that (I'm hungry now. Sheesh.) and I never realized how bad I felt until I got to "talk" to him.

Scene 6:
About 3:30PM
ME: (ranting) blah... blah... blah...
HIM: Why not talk to him and tell him how you feel?
ME: I couldn't talk to him. He's feeling sensitive nowadays (long story why) and he is wallowing in self-pity right now. Why tell him a piece of my mind? He might think I don't love him or something. (I think this self-pity thing has something to do with getting old.)
HIM: Ok. Then don't talk to him.
ME: Sorry for unloading my problems to you. It's that I don't have someone to talk to right now... and I don't feel understood at all. I mean, I'm doing everything for them. The fact that I am sacrificing my rest day just to do OT is for them. The fact that I go to work everyday even if I don't like my job at all. It's an awful feeling, you know.
(That's when my tear glands decided to produce a fluid that would lubricate my eyes and make them puffy and ugly. Then I realized I miss him and I want to be with him that time. We see each other only about once a week or sometimes once in two weeks.)
ME: (changing subject) I miss you. Do you miss me too? How was your day? Oh, please call me about 8PM so I'll wake up on time.
HIM: Sure, I'll call you.
ME: (thinking) Aba! Deadma and beauty ko! (out loud) Are you busy? I'm sorry for disturbing you. I know you don't miss me but it's just I'm feeling low right now...
HIM: (a bit irritated) There you go again! Why are you like that? Thinking I don't love you or miss you. Why would you feel insecure?!
ME: I am insecure because you make me feel insecure. You tell me you love me, care for me and miss me. All I have are just words. I don't feel them. Sorry maybe I just need someone to notice me right now. Alam kong KSP ako. Naglalambing lang naman ako sayo eh! Ok, goodnight!

I just wanted to be cared for and be loved and be missed coz I know I haven't felt those lately in my life. Is it a sin to ask for actions rather than words?

CUT!
I hope life's as easy as cutting the scene when you can't handle it already, but life goes on...