Wednesday, April 09, 2003

Rest Day?!

Twenty-six hours straight without sleep. That's what I did yesterday to maximize my rest day since as of now, I am already at work. My body is coping and I am really in a foul mood since I am used to staying at home on Tuesdays.

I spent the whole day awake yesterday. The whole morning was spent with my family, sang songs with my sister and cousin hoping that will help me forget the current situation our family is in. I met him in the afternoon, hoping to escape my "reality". Although I would want to spend more time with him and extend our date, I have to go home. I don't know why I was crying on my way home. Probably I was just angry at myself for expecting too many things in life, then getting disappointed always. Or maybe the fact that I am going home again and going back to work the next day saddened me. Or maybe the other fact that my family is encountering a really hard time right now. It just hit me like a cold water splashed all over my body, at that moment, when I was alone traveling from Cavite going home. Sometimes fate plays cruel tricks on me. The vehicle that I was on was even playing my song and that didn't help stopping the tears. No sleep plus washed up tear ducts did not make a pretty sight. I went directly to my room and slept. I was just tired-- emotionally, physically, mentally. They all knew better than to disturb me when I got home. They knew. Although we are not that vocal with each other at home, each of us has an idea what each person is going through.

It was nice of him to notice my moods. I guess one thing I appreciate is that he always is sensitive enough to detect if I'm happy or I'm sad. I mean, I do not know a person as moody as me! He's able to cope with that. Then he would do simple things, like give me advice or just give me a call when we're not together, that would help me somehow. Maybe that's why I like to spend time with him even if we have too few common interests. I mean, the 11-year age gap is something. But when I am with him, I have a protector, an older brother (I've always wanted one) and a lover all at the same time. Sweet!

Talked with a friend earlier. It's been so long since we talked. I miss talking to her about anything and everything under the sun. That call placed a smile on my face. Thanks so much! You take care always and don't worry, we'll get through this. We will.

i'm so tired of being here
suppressed by all of my childish fears...
these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase

~Evanescence, "My Immortal"

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