I am not supposed to be online today, but I need to vent and I don't like to surf at home, so I'm here somewhere in Makati Avenue typing down the scribbled notes I wrote at work earlier. I can't believe I cried at work last night. I had to compose myself and nearly came in late.
I have nothing against parents wanting only the best for their children. Of course, they have more experiences and learned more lessons. But what I don't like is when they have dreams and frustrations and they force their decisions on you so that they can achieve those.
I don't know where to start. I guess if you know me, I'm not the type who answers back to my parents. Last night, the topic about marrying a rich foreigner came up (again). You see, I have this cousin (let's call her cousin 1) who married a foreigner whom she met online. I have this other cousin (let's call her cousin 2), who went to the same website to find the same luck. Now, she has this boyfriend, who's also rich and foreign (of course!) and is coming this Sunday. I remember my mother telling me to go to the same website and find someone for me. Well, I have been using the internet for 6 or 7 years now and I know some people online cannot be trusted. I already explained that to her. It's not me. That's not my personality.
She wanted us to go to meet the "new guy" this Sunday. I told her cousin 2 just did that because she is hoping that she'll find her rich prince charming who will let her live happily ever after. No, just kidding. I actually told her a different thing. Hehe! But it's basically the same meaning. You see, cousin 1, who now resides in London, has a life revolving around shopping, traveling and more shopping! (Wow! Who wouldn't want that right?)
So, this is what happened last night:
ME: Gaya-gaya lang naman sya kay -(insert cousin 1's name here)- eh!
MA: That's what you call practicality!
ME: That's what you call stupidity!
I even surprised myself with that remark, but then I just woke up and was not in a fancy-shmancy mood. I realized I shouldn't have said "stupidity". I should have said "desperation". Wrong choice of word.
Yeah, I would sure love a fairy tale life like theirs, but let me find my own way of achieving my dreams. Unlike them, I'm not yet nearly 40 and I'm still young (err... relatively) and I'm not THAT desperate yet. And that's what it took for her to ignore me (again). Well, if she wanted me to marry for money as an easy way out of poverty, she shouldn't have educated me. She should have taught me how to have a servant-like attitude and how to make myself pretty and exotic-looking for those foreigners out there. Hey, don't get me wrong. I have nothing against marrying a foreigner. In fact, I find a number of them attractive. It's the just-marrying-for-money thing that pisses me off. Marriage is not just about the money. Money should only be a plus factor, but it should not be the main reason for marrying someone, especially those from another culture. She shouldn't have sent me to UP where I learned how to be my own person and where I started building my dreams. They may be air castles now, but who knows?
I have spent a part of my life working for others. I understand that my career (or the lack of it) can be frustrating and my mother may want to get the results of her investments in me ASAP. I apologize for that, but marriage is a totally different thing. I don't want to live a life full of regrets.
Oh and FYI, cousin 1 is not even happy even if it seems like she has everything she needs. Why do I know? Now, that's another long story. I just hope that her relationship lasts because her husband is a gentleman and she's one of those lucky people who found one like that in the world wide web.
I hope the next post will be a more cheerful one. Out-of-town gimmick later! Yay! And my horoscope says:
CANCER -Tilt your head back and take a gander at the skies above you. Look like there's a storm coming? Sure is -- and it's going to be a great, big one. Does that mean your world will be blown apart? Hardly. The difference between whether this turns out to be a great day or a bad one lies in your attitude -- and that's the only variable over which you'll have control. Smile, then. A lot.