Second day of training

More info overload. More faces, more questions answered and one major exam so far. I'm exhausted but I can't complain. Being there is like being in another world. I mean, nine hours spent away from home-- from reality. I have to admit I can feel the effects of our problems even at work. I can't help that. I have to make the few "major" adjustments and I think I can go through it. At work, I can easily pretend everything's alright. It's like acting. Put on enthusiasm for the sake of customer service, right? I have to start acting now, since I'm not that good an actress. After all, I AM undergoing training. Might as well train myself ahead of my batch. If only I can spend 24/7 there, I will. Oh and I have a correction, there are TWO gays in our batch.



I can't wait but finish and pass the training and exams so I can start working. Maybe taking more OT's and working even during rest days can help me forget reality and at the same time, add to my income. I can't wait...

Reality Bites

Picture a place where you want to reach at the end of the day, but then the thought of being there gives you dread and a certain heaviness inside... A place where you experience things that would make you realize the reality of the state you're in and it would just make you break down and cry.



Just like my house. It's a home where all my loved ones are. It's a comfort geting home from work, right? Or maybe not. Sometimes moments (such as now) happen like a slap in the face or a sudden blast of cold air. Times when you see all the bills unpaid and long overdue. Not knowing what would happen next. Thinking how to survive everyday. Worse, knowing nobody is there to help since everyone is depending on ONE RELIABLE PERSON. Realizing that THAT person is me and feeling the weight of all the responsibilities. Being just tired physically, mentally and emotionally. Tired of it all.

I can just compare it to Mount Doom in Mordor in The Lord of the Rings. I feel like the Ring-bearer, Frodo, who dreads reaching the place but has no choice since he has to fulfill a Quest, no matter how hard. Fortunately for him, he has his loyal gardener with him. He has Samwise. I don't. He has fulfilled his Quest. Will I fulfill mine?



Lucky?

Someone told me I have no reason to complain since I am luckier compared to other people out there. I am. I know that. But sometimes, they just don't understand. It's not happening to them. They don't know how it feels like. Know that feeling when your problem, no matter how small compared to the problems of this world, feels like a huge one when it's happening to YOU?

Why should I care
Coz you weren't there when I was scared I was so alone
You, you need to listen I'm starting to trip,
I'm losing my grip and I'm in this thing alone
~Avril Lavigne, "Losing Grip"