tension of the opposites

I told myself I wont go online today nor post an entry. But I got home and got to watch "Tuesdays with Morrie" again on cable and I had to scribble this.


If I had a little bird on my shoulder and ask it everyday if this day is a good day to die, and if that little bird can talk back to me, it will probably say that although I don't mind dying sometimes, it's not a good day to die since as of today, the nth day of my 24 years of existence, my life is meaningless.


From the movie, I can truly relate to the "tension of the opposites", be it family-, lovelife-, or career-wise... like a rubber band being pulled in opposite directions. I am being pulled one way with the things I want to do and pulled the opposite way of the things I need to do. So, how do I decide which direction to go to? I think I have decided, or let me say life has decided for me. Will I always blame my situation on circumstances and opportunities (or the lack thereof) in my life?


I wish I had a wise teacher like Morrie.

Being Twenty-Something

I love this. Got this from this site's bulletin board. I don't know who wrote this but I just wanted to share this with you all twenty-something people out there. You are not alone in this confusion.

Being Twenty-Something


They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like.


You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now. You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones.


What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere but that they are as confused as you.


You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.


Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't.


One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.


You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lay in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better.


Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person.


One-night-stands and random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic.


You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision.


You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender! What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it.


We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

giddy for Gaiman!

Neil Gaiman


BOOK SIGNING SCHEDULE OF ACTIVITIES


July 9, 3pm-8pm (Rockwell Tent)
20-minute book reading
Discussion / Q&A
Showing of 13-minute clip from "Mirrormask"
Book Signing


July 10 (Fully Booked, The Promenade, Greenhills)
20-minute book reading
Book Signing


July 11 (Fully Booked, Gateway Mall)
20-minute book reading
Book signing



Last weekend was so busy that I was not able to attend the first orientation for the Neil Gaiman "The Gathering" Volunteers on July 9. I am one of the ten volunteers and since it was a short notice, I did not sacrifice my family for my geeky cravings. Good thing there's another orientation next week and my Saturday's all cleared up for that. Can't wait! Fully Booked is going to give us free t-shirts as well! I am actually thinking that I'll be coming from a work shift of 11PM to 8:30AM and I'd start volunteering from 10AM until 8PM. Yaiks! But I'm still excited. I wish we, marshalls, will have time to meet and greet Mr. Gaiman too and I hope all you fans out there will behave yourselves, ok? =)


Ok, what have I done to prepare for "The Gathering" of Gaimaniacs? Oh no! I haven't even bought my "Smoke and Mirrors" yet! But I will this Saturday, before I attend the orientation so I could finally get my book signing pass. I have also submitted my questions to Fully Booked in case they choose one and have Mr. Gaiman answer it. I am not allowed to post the full schedule for July 9 (Saturday) but Fully Booked already announced that aside from the Q & A portion and the reading from Neil, he will also bring a short clip (about 13 minutes or so) of "Mirrormask" and screen it for the fans. The film will be directed by Dave McKean and will premiere in the Sundance Film Festival this year. It will also be shown in the U.S. (limited release) in the end of September 2005.



Mirrormask


July 10 is not going to be as hectic for me since I'll focus more on my family. I'll still be going to Mr. Gaiman's signing since I still have more books for him to sign, but hey, it's my birthday and I deserve to rest too. Hehe!


July 11 will be the press conference and writers' forum (by invite) and since I am one of those lucky ones who were able to sign up early, I'm getting an invite from the British Council from the mail! Whoopee! I am not missing that. I even filed for leave from work.


So, now you know why I can't help but wish it were July already. =)


P.S. At least this gets my mind off from the routine night job and the upsetting news from the not-so-credible-anymore Philippine President. Hmph.

taking a break

Quiz time!

You are dependable, popular, and observant. Deep and thoughtful, you are prone to moodiness. In fact, your emotions tend to influence everything you do. You are unique, creative, and expressive. You don't mind waving your freak flag every once and a while. And lucky for you, most people find your weird ways charming!

The World's Shortest Personality Test

Which Queer Eye Is Right for You?

Karen Kristie, you need a date with Jai





Good thing you don't like secrets, because like your Queer Eye match, Jai Rodriguez, you tend to wear your heart on your sleeve. That's right, you don't mind showing your true colors — a lovable quality even if it means you cry during sappy commercials. But that's what makes it so easy for people to pour their hearts out to you.


Ever seen Jai get to the root of the problem with a question or two? Then solve it with a meaningful gesture or purchase? Creative and curious, you've got the same sort of ease and grace with people — you like figuring out what makes them tick, and you can offer a helping hand without seeming intrusive or showy. Just be sure to bring the tissues.

whatta weekend!

RAVES


Contrary to having no plans this weekend, this turned out to be a busy and tiring one. Yesterday was my sister's Capping Ceremony (when Nursing students were given their white caps). I was supposed to attend an orientation for the Neil Gaiman volunteers in Fully Booked, Rockwell. (Aack! 13 more days to go!!!) I hope there's another one I could attend. Anyways, since family comes first, I didn't go. We had KFC take out for lunch. We never had that before. It has been a long time since the whole family sat on the dining table to eat. We did that. I was glad. We were planning to have dinner in a pizza place after the ceremony. But since it rained and the program ended quite late, I ended up dialing the phone again and ordering a takeout. But it was still fun.


I thought it would only last for Saturday. But the food kept on coming until today. We were invited for the christening of my nephew, my second cousin's son. My parents are their godparents during their wedding. We attended the baptism and ate lunch at the reception. Hopefully, I'll be uploading the pictures from the digicam really soon and I'll just post a link to the photo album. We haven't taken a lot of pics since the camera ran out of batteries. Yaiks! =(



Patrick Ian Pedres
photo taken using Nokia 6610i



Gawd, I never felt so full since... I guess, last New Year's Eve! Haha! We even watched "Monster in Law" after the reception. But I still wanna watch "Batman Begins". My date with him did not push through because he is not feeling well. Poor guy.


RANTS


It was almost perfect until my mother informed me she is planning to let my cousin (an uncle's illegitimate daughter) stay here at home and study, let me repeat, study high school! Ok, I know she has good intentions and all. She said it's only for a public school and it's her way of "making it up" to the mother since my uncle decided to create this human being and is stupid enough to abandon the mother and daughter for another woman (whom he eventually married and had another kid with). Still with me? Sounds like a tele-novela right? I just hope they live happily ever after. My mother has this savior-and-redeemer tendency that she wants to make up for her sibling's mistake, but duh? Yeah, DUH?! Her siblings are old enough to know what they're doing and should be mature enough to accept the consequences of their actions.


We CANNOT afford to finance a high school student and at the same time, let her stay in our house. I can just imagine all the expenses-- additional food, allowance, school stuff, books and tuition fees! Aaaaargh! My sister isn't even through college yet! What is she thinking?! If my sister needed money to buy those expensive books, she panics if she cannot find someone who will lend her money. If there were sudden expenses, she gets depressed. If we're broke, she locks herself in the room. And now this?! What's worse, she's expecting me to finance the kid! *breathes deeply*


I don't even know how to react to that. I told her I haven't saved up a cent after 3 years of working in a job I don't even like. I want to save up for myself. I have a life to live too. Unlike you, I don't want to live for other people. I want to live for myself. I want to cherish my young adulthood earning money for myself. I want to be selfish, for a change. I want my own life. If I grow old, I don't want to think I wasted my years. I want to feel how it's like to be free from obligations, for a change. I want to pamper myself. When you told me you want me to marry a rich foreigner (like some of my cousins), I ignored that. I don't want to marry for money. Money, like good looks, is just a bonus point if ever I want to get married. But I'm young. Why burden me with all these obligations that are not even mine to carry? The reason why I'm not having a kid of my own is that I know how expensive it is to raise a child. I cannot afford it. I don't even have a stable career forgodssake! I have lots of plans and dreams that are being put on hold... Actually, most of these dreams already died because of hopelessness...


I could have told her all of these, but I didn't. Like I always mention, I never get to talk back to my mother in an angry tone of voice. Maybe someday I'll learn how, but not today. I just said, "I don't have the money". *sigh* I don't know what will happen next.

to cheat or not to cheat

My cab ride last night was supposed to be one of those usual 10-minute ride with slow love songs in the background especially played for people who are about to sleep. But the driver was listening to an AM station, a sort-of Joe d'Mango type where people can (anonymously) call and vent out their frustrations or share their love problems and hopefully get a sound advice.


I was quite pissed by what I heard. I was not able to start it and end it but the topic was pretty... disturbing. Here's what I can remember (in Filipino to make it more realistic).

Radio Announcer (RA): So alam nya na may asawa ka? May anak ka ba?

Caller (C): Alam nya po. Meron po. Dalawa po anak ko. Pero lagi nya po akong tinetext at lagi pong tumatawag sa akin. Nami-miss daw ako. Mahirap kasi malambing sya eh. Pero alam nyang may asawa na ako. Minsan tumatawag gusto makipagkita o ako pumunta sa bahay nya...

RA: May asawa ka na pala eh. Eh di committed ka na. Bakit ka pa nakikipagkita sa kanya? Wag mo nang tanggapin ang mga tawag nya. Wag ka nang makipagkita sa kanya. Pag tumawag sayo, sabihin mo ayaw mo na. Tigilan nyo na 'to habang maaga.

C: Malambing kasi sya eh. Tapos sabi nami-miss daw nya ako.

RA: May caller tayong babae kanina sabi nya ok lang daw sa kanya makipag-boyfriend nang may-asawa. Meron talagang mga babaeng ganyan. Ang tanong ay kung papatulan mo. Pag nabuntis yan, anong gagawin mo?

C: Hindi ko naman po pinaplanong mabuntis yun eh.

RA: Yun nga pero nakipagkita ka. Kinakausap mo. Pasasaan din at dun din papunta yan di ba? Mabubuntis din yan. Pag nabuntis yan, tatakbuhan mo yan. Syempre may asawa ka't mga anak eh! Alam mo, wala naman talagang problema eh. Ikaw ang gumagawa ng problema sa utak mo. Kati lang yan ng tiyan.

(Cab driver laughs so hard at this comment, while I wrinkle my forehead.)

C: Hindi po ba pwedeng... hindi po ba pwedeng ligaw-ligaw lang? Hehe...

RA: Bakit ba tayo nanliligaw? Ha? Bakit? Kasi gusto natin maging girlfriend. Eh pag naging girlfriend na? Ano na? Yun nga rin ang pupuntahan di ba? Mabubuntis ang babae.

C: Hehehe... Pero sya po kasi laging tumatawag. Malambing po sya. Di ko naman po maiiwasan...

RA: Maiiwasan mo kung gusto mo. Nasa utak mo yan lahat kung gusto mong gawin o hindi. Ikaw ang gagawa ng desisyon na yan. Wag mong isisi sa kanya. May mga babaeng ganyan pero ikaw ang may asawa at mga anak. May anak kang babae? Gusto mo ba mangyari sa anak mong babae yan? Gusto mo ba magkaron ng ibang lalaki ang asawa mo? Ha?

C: Pangit po yun. Ayoko po... Pangit po.

RA: Pero kung ikaw gumawa, ok lang. Pag yung asawa mo nanlalaki, pangit. Pero pag ikaw nambabae, ok lang? Ganun?

C: Hindi naman po sa ganun... Pangit po talaga...

RA: Alam mo naman pala na pangit. Alam mo, tinitingnan ko kung ano ang iniisip mo, kung ano laman ng utak mo. Kung psychologically o mentally retarded ka, kung retarded kang mag-isip, sasabihin mo, ok lang na ganun ang gagawin mo. Pero alam mo naman pala na mali ang ginagawa mo eh. Di ka ba naaawa sa babae? Pag nabuntis yan, tatakbuhan mo yan. May asawa ka eh. May mga anak. Anong mangyayari sa kanya?

C: Nakakaawa nga po eh...

RA: Isipin mo na lang, isa syang demonyo na pilit pinapalayo ka sa puso ng asawa mo at sa Diyos. Alam mong sa mata ng tao at sa mata ng Diyos mali ang ginagawa mo...

(and so on and so forth)

I was in front of the building of my office. I was a bit agitated by what I heard. With people like that, no wonder there are broken homes, no wonder there are juvenile delinquents, no wonder marriage is not as strong as it used to be. Single and married women... and married men too, should be wary.

think first

What is it with my father and his desire to work in a callcenter?! God. It's the career I want to get over with and move on. It's the career I don't want to grow old in. It's a stressful and tiring career and he wanted to apply! Pa, I understand you want to get a job, but at 64, I don't think you are internet savvy enough to be a customer service representative, not even if you're telling me you wanted to be a Spanish trainor. Most trainors use MS Powerpoint when they teach. Pa, admit it, you can't even open your own Yahoo! Mail. Sheesh. Why don't parents think before they act sometimes?

Fête de la Musique pictures

Finally uploaded them online! Whew!


I was only able to watch most of the bands performing on the Alternative Stage:


click here to view the pictures


I was also able to record a very short video clip of Spongecola performing:


click here to view the video


Your comments are appreciated. =)

sharing Sunday

It was, I think, the most quiet date we've ever had. Usually, I would blab about the current happenings in my life and share bloopers in my job, but after mass, I was sitting quietly on a park bench and he was asking the questions. He was aware of my being mad to my mother. For a couple of days, I never faltered in front of my sister or in front of anyone but that day, I felt so vulnerable. Finally seeing him after being mad at him for a few days and the added weight of being mad at my mother was too much to bear. I looked at the beautiful sunset, the bats flying overhead, the bubbles blown by the kids, anywhere but him. When he saw my tears, it was one of the most awkward moments in my life.



Manila Bay sunset
view from Rajah Sulayman Park
(taken using Nokia 6610i)



It didn't last though since he held my hand and we ate dinner, I started smiling again when he told me about his plans about getting another job. He and his officemates filed a court case against his former employer. I never ate a thing that day so I ate a lot during dinner. Baywalk was like our small little haven. There were a lot of people that evening, but not as noisy as Saturday nights. We bought coffee and faced the sea and I remained silent. We just sa there and stared at the ocean. The music was beautiful acoustic. There were moments when he attempted to ask me some questions. Finally, I told him why I was mad at him. It was not relayed as I expected because it felt like I can't find the right words to say, but he understood and he's trying his best now. So, in short, bati na kami ulit. Then I went home at a little past 9PM lest my mother locks me out of the house again. =)


Heaven knows
Love is just a chance we take
We make plans
But then love demands a leap of faith
~ "Love Moves in Mysterious Ways" by Julia Fordham

Fête and more

It was truly a night to remember. It was my first Fête de la Musique. 150 bands. 8 stages. 1 night. My legs are aching for standing so long (about 5 hours), it was so hot and we were sticky and sweaty, we lacked sleep and worse, my mother is mad at us... but it was worth it.


We got there at about 7PM. The event actually started at 3:30PM to 4PM, but it was too hot for me and besides, I had to catch some sleep coz I just got off work. My sis and I roamed around El Pueblo finding for a good spot. We first found the Rock stage and yes, the people there were scary. Even the smell was scary! Hahaha! So, there goes my hopes for watching Daydream Cycle, Imago, Mayonnaise and Razorback. We don't want to stay there. Next we found the Main/World stage. We're not really a fan of most of the tunes, so we walked on. We found the Blues stage inside a bar and decided not to go in. We were wasting time trying to find a Gig Guide so we would know which bands we missed and those we can still watch. But to no avail. We walked on to The Podium and saw the Alternative stage. When we read the list of the band names, we knew we have to stay there. We're a fan of the music of Hale, Kitchie Nadal, Barbie's Cradle, Moonstar 88 and Spongecola.


We got hungry and went in the mall. Good thing because we met some of our TPTS friends and looked at the Gig Guide. That was about 9PM. Hale was supposed to play at 11PM so we decided to grab a bite to eat. My sis doesn't want to go home until she saw Spongecola perform and it turned out they did, but it was already 3AM when they went onstage. They were the second to the last band. We got some pics and will upload them soon. Watch out for them! =)


I decided to go watch Fête de la Musique to distract myself from all the things happening in my life. Yes, have fun before I go haywire. It seems like all the important aspects of my life-- family, career and love are in jeopardy. It turned out, broken-hearted love songs sang during the event still bring back memories. Even those songs about mindless jobs and career choices. Yaiks! But the worst thing that happened was my mother getting mad at us (again?) for not letting her know where we are. Since it is not my nature to talk back to my mother, especially when we're both angry, I wanted to write my rants here instead. So, don't continue reading if you don't want this to ruin your day.


WARNING!!!
RANTING MODE: ON


Before we left home, we told her where we are going. Probably my only mistake was that we didn't tell her until what time we'll be out, but then I didn't know the event will last until 3:30AM. I just learned that when we got there. She was mad for not informing her of our location at an "ungodly hour". That was 1AM when she texted me that message. (So, you can just imagine me getting distracted while watching.) In the first place, it was not an "ungodly hour" for me because my day starts at 11PM everyday at work. So, I am very much used to staying up in the wee hours of the morning. And my God, I am not 16 years old anymore! I'll be turning 25 next month. Some of my batchmates even have their own family and kids and she is still angry at me for staying up late?! It's not like I'm drinking booze and taking drugs and staying up late every Saturday night! WTF?! And you know what? To top it off, we arrived in front of our gate at about 4AM and the gate was locked. We had to wait for my brother to arrive from his own gig in order to open the gate. Can you believe that? But if my bro goes out and stays overnight somewhere, she won't say a thing. *sigh* We got in and we heard her nagging again about how we lost our respect for her and why we needed 12 hours of entertainment. Wow. Hey Ma, I love you and all but you can be so narrow-minded sometimes. I respect you but you don't respect me. I'm an adult. I'm a grown woman. I am even earning my own money, damn it!


*breathes deeply*


That's it. I think I have to attend mass today. God forgive me, but I am so angry.

for Papa

Happy Father's Day!!!
Thank you for everything! Love you!

so it says...

CANCER:
Everyone has issues, sure, but someone you know might have so many that it practically adds up to a subscription. While you want to be the best friend, relative or sweetie you can, you can't solve their problems for them -- so stop trying. It will just end up making you both more stressed out in the end. What you can do is be supportive, sympathetic and attentive -- and most importantly, have a little faith that they'll find their way through this.

So, I guess I have to give it a shot this weekend. I have to hear him out... listen to him... instead of nagging. Oh well. If it doesn't work out, then it's single blessedness again for me.

Fête de la Musique 2005

June 18 (Saturday)
Fête de la Musique
El Pueblo, Ortigas Center
4 PM onwards
Open to the public
click this for more info


Imagine several stages put up and bands from different genres performing on every stage all at the same time! It's gonna be a musical blast! I wanna go. I really wanna go. Just to distract me from my everyday boring routine. Alone or with a companion, it doesn't matter. I just hope I have the budget for it. Or would anyone care to give me an advance birthday gift? Hahaha!

credit anyone?

A while ago, I snapped at two of my officemates for wanting me to go with them an apply for a credit card. I was just in one of my foul moods and I lack sleep. As single yuppies, most of my officemates have the latest gadgets (mobile phones, digital camera, iPods, etc.) If only I get to keep my salary for myself, I'd be one of them. But I don't. I also know that credit cards are must-haves in the United States. Almost no one brings huge amount of cash anymore. But here in the Philippines, people with credit cards are those who can afford to pay them.


*sigh*


If they only knew I desperately wanted a credit card, just to finally buy the things I want! I know the bank will approve it as soon as they see my payslip, but I know I couldn't afford to maintain one. I mean, I just look at my mother's Citibank letters every month and I shudder-- especially knowing that she doesn't have a job to pay for her debts. Those credit card debts come from a long, long time ago when she can still afford one. I don't want to grow old paying for the interest.





I spent most of my break times alone (again). Because of that I notice that I seem to avoid crowds lately. I prefer to be alone. Sometimes, when I have nothing to do, I just take some pics. I feel hollow inside.


I'm freezing in the sun;
I'm burning in the rain
The silence;
I'm screaming,
Calling out your name.
~Hale, "The Day You Said Goodnight"

YaP!

logo by Jonas Diego



For the past couple of days, I have been thinking of an article that would best descibe a Filipina (or Pinays, as we are also called). Until now, I can't think of anything fantastic to write. My Muse maybe in hibernation.


A friend has introduced me to the Yan ang Pinay! movement (YaP!) to help improve the image of Filipinas worldwide. I heard once that there was this dictionary wherein one can find "domestic helper" under the entry Filipina. Now if one tries online search engines like Yahoo!, Google, MSN or even Yehey, you'll get results like mail-to-order brides and adult entertainment-related sites. Well, I have nothing but pride for Filipinas going to faraway places to work. My mother could have been a domestic helper herself if she was not able to find a job here in Manila. But we're not just that.


Earlier at work, I was jotting some characteristics of a Filipina I admire the most. I can't help but think of my mother. Although we're not always in the best of terms, I guess it's just a daughter's instinct to look up to one's mother. The number one reason I can think of is that Filipinas would do anything, sacrifice their dreams and even themselves, to provide for their family. The family is often, if not always, the highest priority. They value kinship over anything else. Filipinas are also strong by nature. They can be placed in different places, mingle with different cultures and adapt and still maintain the their individuality.


So, blog-writers out there, write something for Pinays! To know more about this click this link or visit Fabulous Filipinas and New Filipina.

talkin' talk

Talkin' talk is not just talk...
Being there is half the walk...
(by D'Sound)



I feel a bit relieved knowing there are people who would want to listen to my whines. Earlier at work, I was discussing my "love dilemma" with a couple of willing listeners. The good thing about it is that I haven't known them for a long time so any judgment or advice they say wouldn't be biased. I mean, it's like getting a pure, unadulterated opinion from an almost-stranger. I think that's good, at least they won't patronize me.


Now, what I just need to do is to think about what they told me, weigh my options and then decide. Or do I really need to? Sheesh. I am such a coward. All talk and no actions. I guess, two years is too much of a time to just let go down the drain. Hmmm... Another chance? We'll see.

something to smile about

As early as now, I've been thinking like Garfield does...

minus one

When I try to be responsible despite my negative attitude towards my job, I expect him to be responsible and wise as well to know how difficult it would be to cut off the only means of income without any alternative. He didn't consider my warnings, advice and concerns, so look where he is now. I won't force him to do things he doesn't want to do. He's old enough to decide for himself. But I will not see him unless he shows me that he's man enough to be serious with his life.


How disappointing. For me, that's not a good thing. One less pogi point. =(

why?

After this troubling weekend, I asked myself why:

• do I feel lonely despite all the people around me?
  
• do I crave for things I cannot have and afford?
  
• am I not satisfied with what I am? Is it because I know that there are more things in life than what I know? Is ignorance really bliss?
  
• am I not happy with my current job?
  
• don't I have a passion in life?
  
• do I want to be someplace else than here?
  
• am I missing someone and loving someone whom I can't see as the one (forever) for me?
  

And lastly, why...

• am I often attracted to men who turn out to be gay? Is it because they have more sensitive bones in their body than the average male species? Or is it because I was male in my past life? Hehehe!
  
  
  
  
  If I fell in love with you
  Would you promise to be true
  And help me understand
  'cause I've been in love before
  And I found that love was more
  Than just holding hands
  ~Beatles, "If I Fell"

bored

Pardon me but I really am.

1. I'm: unique
2. I live in: the third planet from the sun.
3. I love: my family.
4. People: are mirrors of ourselves.
5. Life: is like a box of chocolates.
6. I just ate: pan de sal.
7. I wanna see: my future.
8. I play: fair.
9. It's now: 10:25 AM
10. I'm wearing: a shirt and shorts.
11. My phone: is in front of me.
12. I'm worrying about: someone who lost his job.
13. I wanna go: to a place I've never been before.
14. Britney spears is: one rich brat.
15. Good Charlotte: is a rock band.
16. Weather: is really hot. Whew!
17. My shoes are: worn out but comfy.
18. I drive: myself crazy.
19. I smoke: not.
20. My country is: in the tropics.
21. My parents are: not getting any younger.
22. I think school is: a training ground.
23. Other sites i'm surfing aside from Friendster: Yahoo! Mail
24. I'm going to: survive through this.
25. I think this post is: mentally draining.

.:: p e o p l e a r o u n d m e ::.

Your mom is: a housewife who used to be a corporate employee
Your dad is: a retired teacher
Your sisters: only one sister
Your brothers: one brother
Your best friend is: out of the country
Your crush is: him.
Your boyfriend is: street-smart, un-romantic, hard-headed lunatic who loves me.
Your grandma is: in the province
Your grandpa is: dead
Your teachers are: my life experiences.

.:: s t u f f t h a t i h a v e ::.

Your PC is: really old.
Your wallet is: navy blue and really old but lucky
Your camera is: not digital.
Your books are: my prized-possessions.
Your accessories are: not too fancy.
Your sunglasses are: helpful to prevent headaches produced by sun glares.
Your towel is: checkered white and green.
Your teddies: teddies? what teddies?
Your clock is : ticking like a bomb.

.:: w h a t i m w e a r i n g n o w ::.

Your shirt is: white with blue-green print.
Your shorts/trousers are: blue-green.
Your shoes are: worn-out
Your jacket is: outside my closet.
Your socks are: colorful.
Your belt is: not leather.
Your heart is: lovesick and lonely.
Your mind is: tired.

Neil Gaiman sched

A friend emailed Neil Gaiman his schedule in the Philippines. I don't know probably out of excitement she forgot to sign her name. So then, Neil decided to post this email of hers in his blog and her name's not on it. Shucks.


Here's his sched:


JULY 9, Saturday:
- Doors to "The Gathering" at the Rockwell Tent will open at 3:00pm


JULY 10, Sunday:
- A Reading and Book Signing at Fully Booked Promenade Greenhills (opening July 8, 2005) will start at 2:00pm


JULY 11, Monday:
- A Press Conference (by invitation) and the British Council Writers' Forum at the Music Musuem will be from 1:30-3:00pm
- A Reading and Book Signing at Fully Booked Gateway Mall will start at 4:30pm
- Winners Dinner (Raffle and Art Competition winners) at 7:00pm

disaster day!

That was what yesterday was... well most of the time.


My sis and I were supposed to watch Kyan Douglas and Thom Felicia in Greenbelt 3 during Kyan's book signing. They are two of the Fab Five from the TV series "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy". It was supposed to start at 2:30PM but since I got from work and was so sleepy, I grabbed some snooze. We got there at about 3:30PM and at that time, Kyan was waving goodbye to the screaming fan girls and was thanking them for the warm welcome. My sis and I only caught him for a few seconds and he was whisked away in a red SUV. We weren't even able to take a picture. Although my fave queer eye is Jai Rodriguez, I was looking forward to see him coz he is so dashing. I didn't even see Thom. I was laughing at the irony that despite the fact that Kyan is gay, all fans surrounding him were all screaming women! My sis and I thought probably Kyan was thinking why there aren't a lot of guys in Manila. LOL!



Kyan Douglas, Thom Felicia, Ted Allen, Carson Kressley, Jai Rodriguez



My sis said there was another Queer Eye event at about 6PM so we waited. We ate in a food chain in the mall and we were examining the digital camera my cousin lent us. Then suddenly, my foot caught the table and since it was a wobbly table, all the contents of my drink splashed over my jeans and my bag! What an embarrassment! I was the center of attention then and I hated it. So, off we went to the nearby washroom and I stayed near the dryer for a couple of minutes.


Then we went to Powerbooks, one of our usual hang-outs. We went in and were excited to see the books we desperately wanted to have and to read. After about 30 minutes of browsing (and I even got to read Neil Gaiman's "The Day I Swapped My Father for Two Goldfish"), it was so depressing thinking about all the books we wanted to read but we cannot afford. So, we left the bookstore and went to the supposed location for the Queer Eye event at 6.


My sister said she got the info online. But there was no one around in the Bamboo Park of Greenbelt 4. Then we asked Customer Service and we were informed that there's no more Queer Eye event. The one that we almost missed that afternoon was the last one. I didn't know if my sister was gonna cry or what (since Kyan is her fave Queer Eye). I thought they should have extended that event since they came all the way from the U.S. and I never thought they'd only be mingling with fans for an hour. It was sad.


I thought of watching a movie after that, but I just wanted the day to end. I was tired, so we both went home, cooked some microwavable popcorn to soothe ourselves and watched cable instead. *sigh*


Oh and I don't know if this will mean anything coz I know how destabilized the Philippine government is right now, Happy Independence Day to all Filipinos! Believe in the power of Freedom. Always fight for what is good, right and proper.

random thoughts

I bought lychees earlier this morning. I miss eating them. I love fruits. I can survive eating fruits, if only they're not expensive.





I spent my supposedly internet hours yesterday watching "The Science of Star Wars" on the Discovery channel. The first hour covered "Man and Machine", the second hour "Space Cowboys" and the third one "Weapons, War and the Force". It was cool. It was funny too since the 3-hour program was hosted by C3PO (Anthony Daniels) and R2D2.





About a month from now, my PT PRC License will expire. Oh yeah, it's been that long. I haven't even practiced my profession since I first laid my hands on that license. The only person I sort-of practiced what I learned in college was my father. But since he's doing quite well despite the diabetes, the daily massage routine was handed over to my brother since I am too lazy to do it. Haha! So, do I need to get a new license once it expires? Will I ever get to use it? We'll see.





Lately, I have been thinking about the fact that I won't last long in this job I have now. I really don't know what alternative I have to take but I'm getting tired of this call center thing. If not for the money, I'd probably prefer getting a day job. But I guess as long as I'm the only one with a regular paycheck at home, I have to go through this. But when will it end? My feet dragged me to a nearby bank and I asked about opening a savings account. I need to save money. Every peso counts, so I have to start somewhere right? The bank only gives a small interest per annum but it's not like I'm opening a time deposit. At least the maintaining balance is a bit low and it's near my house.





Who do you think will win in the NBA Finals?

what sense?

Is it secret? Is it safe?


The answers to both questions are "No". But with all the things happening at work right now that anytime I could find myself jobless without any savings at all, it makes me happy. Just a simple smile in one whole week of boring and dragging schedule means a lot. A friend told me I probably need some spice in my life. Probably.


It's been a grim week. Two of my friends lost a parent. A high school barkada lost her mom. She's now an orphan and her brother is in a coma too. Oh God. Another office pal lost a father. She, too, is an orphan. She has three kids and is separated from her husband. I admire their strength. I don't know if I'll ever survive that kind of loss-- the grief. I should be grateful of what I have right now.


I don't even know if I'm making sense. But I hope someday I will. I hope someday my life will make sense.