Another Bout
9PM, 5 February 2003

(I was supposed to type this entry last night, but I was too tired I went directly to sleep.)

I'm here in a chapel in the midst of the yuppie evening crowd. Just finished watching a romantic comedy with a friend. I agreed to meet that friend since he'll be losing his job soon and he wanted to talk about it. It turned out, I needed that "escape" more. (Thank YOU!)

The movie was really funny. So funny that it hit right through me and I cried. Truth is both funny and painful sometimes. The crybaby in me prevailed once again. I hate it when that happens. It's giving me the vulnerability and weakness I don't need to expose right now. I'm glad I'm alone. Realization suddenly strikes a blow and it hit me right smack in the face.


In more ways than one, I related to a character in the movie. Truth just dawned. Actually, I have a lot of "dawning moments" today. I suddenly felt helpless and it's sad. I go home and the pressure is there-- pressure to take the responsibilty of all the financial problems at home. I am NOT a money machine. So I went directly to sleep without talking to anyone.

Another bout of depression. I'm glad I'm not the suicidal type, am I not?


"What'll she look like when she opens her eyes
and sees what she wants to see
instead of this cold mirror's lies
and all the pieces complete...
~Stephen Speaks, "What'll She Look Like"