Still three more days to go and it felt like it's been ages since my parents left this house in my care. I am now whining since my bank account just vanished today. In other words, I am broke.

This got me to thinking... I have always wanted to be independent-- wanted to be away from my family and on my own. Now, I am thinking again-- can I really do it NOW? Maybe I can take care of myself. I was just not prepared of taking care of myself PLUS my two siblings. Now that my tita already emailed me the requirements needed in order for me to work in the U.S. So far, New Jersey is the place she has been mentioning. Oh yeah, Laurice and I will be nearer compared to California since she is in Chicago. I am just waiting for my diploma, which will be released on the last week of November and I have to get another copy of my Certificate of Internship. Then wait for the go signal from my relatives there and apply for a working visa.

Five years ago, I would have been excited with this thought. I wonder why I am not excited now.

I went to the mall today. I just wanted to get away from everything. I have money at least for the jeepney fare. As I was approaching it, I was thinking, Eeep! Wrong move! since I'll be longing for the times I'm strolling there with money in my pocket. I'd just be frustrated. But then when I got in, everything was a blur. I glanced everywhere but it seems as if I am not there. Weird? I know. I am losing my mind. =)

Oh yeah, i forgot, it's 3AM again. I know I'm gonna miss these times when my parents comes back home. They won't allow me to go online at this ungodly hour for sure.

After a week of not attending the functions, I will go to Makati tomorrow and see all my business partners there. I am so low, I need an environment like that to help me find the dreams I lost along the way. I have failed somehow but I am no quitter. I just need that explosive experience (no pun intended. Hahaha!), so I can get back on track. I lost momentum there, I'm gonna get it back.

Dream-making in a dream-taking world-- that I'm gonna do.