Tuesday, March 04, 2003

Drifting Away

Before I start with my errands for today, I just have to take note of this moment. Why suddenly I feel sad. Why sometimes I'd choose to bury myself in work so I wont be feeling empty-- hollow inside (as quoted from the movie "Addicted to Love").

Woke up due to heat in the middle of the day. No electricity so I decided to go to the mall earlier to finish some errands. But in the process, some things happened that made me realize two things:

(1) It's sad to be alone. To find yourself living your life with nobody beside you. Yes, you got friends but they're not always there. Nobody to appreciate you when you really need someone to be with. Nobody to prioritize you among other things. Nobody to make small to big sacrifices for you when it really matters. Just nobody there, not even a best friend or a special companion. Not even a shadow. Sometimes you're willing to make a sacrifice and they don't. If only I could go back to the days when imaginary friends seem real.

(2) It's sad when you learn some friends don't trust you. Especially when you did your best to be as trustworthy as possible. And it hurts to realize that the world is not really a perfect place, even with a friend. That there are things which are difficult to accept. Maybe because you deliberately choose NOT to accept them. Or maybe because even if you do, accepting doesn't come naturally even if you force yourself to.

‘Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
‘Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
And know my heart is by your side

~Daniel Bedingfield, "If You're Not the One"

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