Her Tears

This cold and lonely room is the only witness to her tears.
This damp and stained pillow is the only comfort against her fears.
Every teardrop, every sob
Is an evidence of her heart falling apart.
(10 March 2003, 10PM)

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I hate myself...

...for falling unexpectedly.
...for letting someone affect me like this.
...for being so sensitive and sentimental.
...for believing a moment is special when in fact, it is not.
...for giving in.
...for being weak.
...for being stupid.
...for thinking about someone more often than I should.
...for reminscing whenever I hear a love song.
...for doubting.
...for having uncertainties.
...for not knowing what's real from what's not.
...for still believing in fantasies and fairy tales.

But at least I'm alive...
...to know all these
...to change the things I can change.
...to accept the things I cannot.

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Silver Lining?

Someone, who was special in my life, just admitted he likes me too. But too bad we had our time and now the past cannot be recovered. We didn't take the opportunity before. It was not the right time and now, when I come to think of it, he was not the right person for me and I am not the right one for him. But then it's out in the open now. I told him I liked him too. That's it. No regrets. I hate regrets.
Another someone who was also special and who, I thought, already forgot me, just informed me I am being missed. Too bad. He's not there when I needed him. Miss him too, as a friend.
Maybe it's all about timing and the right feeling that goes with it.
Now I like another someone who, I think, does not really find me special enough for him to sacrifice some things in his life.
It's weird. Life's weird. I feel stupid.

It's sad, so sad... It's a sad, sad situation...
And it's getting more and more absurd...
~Blue feat. Elton John, "Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word"