"Everything's so blurry... Everyone's so fake... Everybody's empty... And everything is so messed up...
Can you take it all away? Can you take it all away? When you shoved it in my face... this pain you gave to me?"
~"Blurry", Puddle of Mudd

My Anger Therapy
(written on a piece of paper, dated 12 December 2002, 12:45 A.M.)

Have you ever felt trapped? Suffocated? Tied down? Imprisoned? Ever been in a situation where you don’t know what you did to deserve such confusion and anger in your life? When people, whom you thought would understand you most, turned out to be the ones who would judge you and NOT trust you? When you felt like all you did was and all you’re doing is not enough? Ever wondered when you’d get the chance to make your own decisions, create your own lifestyle, develop your own character and experience your own journey through life?

When all you wanted is for them to give you enough space for you to spread your wings; freedom to let you fly; opportunity to let you experience life, make mistakes and learn from your mistakes.

When all you ever asked is for them to loosen that grip on your throat until you manage to fill your lungs with air.

I have experienced all that, rolled into one situation—that point in time when I want to shout, state my side and let the earth swallow me up so I can disappear... forever.

But I chose not to. It’s not my personality. I just kept everything hidden inside, hoping they would get lost inside my head and my heart. Burying them in my memory and hope that no one would be able to dig and expose them. It’s not like me to lose control. I’ve always been the “good girl”. I don’t want to disappoint them. It’s my job to keep them together, so I should not break apart.

But one of these days, when I can’t take it anymore, I might.

When I’m given the chance to finally let out these thoughts and feelings buried inside, I will.

Let it flow…

(end of anger therapy)

Whew! That was a “mouthful”. :)