This time of the year is one big excuse for partying. Not that I’m complaining when I meet lots of old and new friends, I just find myself wondering why I feel glad but sad at the same time whenever I attend those celebrations. Glad that I meet old faces, interact with them, learn that they’re the same person I know but somehow different when we last met, smile at old memories when we were very much younger than we are today, joke about more personal and more “intimate” matters, realize that the impressions you gave them before about yourself are the same impressions they have of you now, try to change some of those impressions and let them know you’ve grown up, and be proud of each of our achievements.

But I can’t help sometimes but feel disappointed. Disappointed when I realize that some things never change. When I desperately wanted to create a big bang the moment they see me. When I want them to say with awe, “Is that you?!” And funny when I want them to acknowledge the person I’m with, “So, when and where did you meet?” But NO… Everything is more or less the same. Sometimes it’s worse. Some meetings with particular people are not pleasant. People whom I thought would mean so much to me...

That’s why I want to escape some of these parties. I just don’t want to see myself and my life reflected in other people’s faces, reactions, and thoughts. Yes, I’ve always been conscious of that. Although I know that most of the time, these people who don’t think about me at all because they just think about themselves. But sometimes, there REALLY are people who want to talk about me, sometimes behind my back though I try so hard to create a good impression. They’ll just ruin me. I should avoid them at all cost. Yeah right! As if I can.

But then again, I’m glad that there are also some people who would make me feel good about myself. Thank God for those people. They make the stay worthwhile.

Reality bites.