Unfaithful
(1:30AM; 28 December 2002)

The title makes you think of the movie, right? The one where Richard Gere and Diane Lane starred in. I just watched it. I couldn't exactly relate to it, but I was somehow touched. It's a typical movie about a crime of passion but the ending was quite unexpected for me. Here's a woman who was looking for more spice in her life. She was tired of her perfect family, perfect husband and suburban life. (Do you get tired when Richard Gere is your husband? Hehehe!) It turned out, they were still "faithful" after all because they "protected" each other by not letting their secrets out. But I wonder how they could live with all that guilt? Pretend everything's alright? Oh well, it'sa pretty f*cked-up world after all... (Sorry for those who haven't seen the movie!)

I just thought I'd scribble this because earlier, a friend asked for my advice. She said her life's getting boring and she wanted some spice in it. Yeah, I dunno why I keep getting that eventhough I am not experienced when it comes to relationships. She asked me if she could go out for a "friendly date" with a guy, eventhough both of them are already "taken and not available".

Yeah, ask the girl who has read Joshua Harris books ("I Kissed Dating Goodbye" and "Boy Meets Girl"). I said, "NO, if I were given the choice, I will not do it unless I don't love the person I'm with. I'll welcome other guys and be open to other potential relationships if I'm not in love. But then, why the heck am I with a person I don't love? Why would I commit myself?"

Then she said that's to be expected from me-- the goody-two-shoes who acts as her conscience. Hahahaha! She told me she loves her boyfriend so much.

But why have an option to get intimate with someone on a "friendly date" if she loves him? I mean, I could go out with that person and some other friends, but not with him alone.

She told me that the guy is a friend and they have so many things in common.

"Then why ask me if you've already made up your mind?", I asked. Either they go out with friends or she tell her boyfriend about him. Better than the boyfriend learns about him from someone else. THAT would be a disaster.

She was hesitant to tell her boyfriend about it coz he gets jealous easily. He doesn't want to lose her. In short, he's insecure. But then, people don't get jealous if they have no reason to. Not being secure in a relationship is not good. The boyfriend has his reasons. Maybe she does things that make him insecure and make him look at every guy as a threat to their relationship.

She told me she's sweet to him and she agreed to go out with him together with friends. Then she'll wait for the "proper timing" to tell her boyfriend about him.

I wonder when will that be. Going out with a group of people, but then focusing STILL on the particular guy is still the same as going out with him alone. She still gets intimate with him even if they're surrounded by other people. (Hey Josh! I'm learning from you! Hahahaha!)

What would it take for me to be unfaithful? An affair with someone as gorgeous as Orlando Bloom?

Sometimes, when I'm undergoing "temporary depression"*, life gets lonely. But I'd rather face that than be in a mess I can't get out of. Not to mention, hurt myself and people I love as well.

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*moods or instances like experiencing tears fall from the eyes while listening to "I'm With You" or any sentimental songs; gazing at the stars wondering what's happening in other parts of the world; aimlessly walking alone in a crowded place; scribbling thoughts such as these...

"Why is everything so confusing? Maybe I'm just out of my mind..."
~Avril Lavigne, I'm With You