Lost and Found
(On long-lost friends and newly-found ones)

As a person with many acquaintances, friends and very few close friends, I have a tendency to cling to the very close ones. "Cling" in the sense that as much as possible, I keep and will treasure them forever. Just like the way I cling to old toys, torn books, old pictures and tattered shirts. I practically keep all the stuff I have since I have difficulty parting with them, especially when I've grown attached to a thing. In short, I have a problem in letting go. Old habits are hard to break.

Then are times when I gotta do what I gotta do. Like throwing a broken toy or giving away an old dress or changing bad habits. Much like setting someone free. I give away a piece of my heart each time I do that. What convinces me to separate with them is the thought that something or someone better will come. So when will I know that what I've let go is the best there is? I don't know. I just face the fact that I've made a decision. I might feel sorry afterwards or not. There is no turning back. I'll just say to myself, "It was MEANT to be."

But since I haven't given away my entire heart, there is still room for others. Much like having a place for new clothes, books and toys. We meet new people everyday. In the end, I'm glad I made my decision. Like when I decide to sacrifice everything for a dream that, I know, is worth having. Then Niccolo Machiavelli's principle "The end justifies the means" will not just mean something in politics but will also mean something nice and personal.

But then there are some odd instances, a freak in nature, or serendipity/destiny, or a glitch in the matrix (Hehehe!). Things and people I have learned to let go find their way back to me. Maybe because before was not the right time or because circumstances were not under my control then. Or maybe because things and people change. I have a choice of giving them another chance. If my heart is still missing a piece, I will embrace that "Prodigal Thing/Person" in order for my heart to be complete again. But what if there is no more missing piece since it has already been replaced? What if I can't find another room for it to settle in? Will I just shut the door saying, "Past is past"? And close my heart saying, "It was NOT MEANT to be"?